Trinkets
by denise1
Summary: A yearly series of stories that tells how Sam and Jack get together - or not. 'Icky Het' warning.
1. An Angel in Their Midst

Trinkets

By

Denise

Year one - Angel in Their Midst

 Jack limped down the hall, a week's worth of practice allowing him to navigate fairly well on the aluminum crutches. It was definitely better than the last time he'd broken his leg and all the VA had given him was heavy wooden crutches. Now those had been a bitch to use.

He settled down into his recliner and laid the crutches on the floor, within easy reach. He twisted the top off of his bottle of beer and took a deep drink then reached for the remote, turning on the TV.

Fighting boredom, he sighed and flipped through the channels, finding nothing that looked entertaining. TV was normally boring, that was to be expected, but right now it was even more unappealing thanks to the ceaseless barrage of holiday ads.

It did not seem like the week before Christmas. The last thing Jack remembered was making plans for his team to come over for a potluck Thanksgiving feast/Football marathon that was supposed to happen two days after their mission to P4A771.

Of course, three days trapped in a glacier had pretty much shot those plans to hell. And three weeks in the Academy Hospital finished killing the month of December, leaving Jack finally home on December twentieth riding the waves of euphoria at being alive while trying not to be overwhelmed by the knowledge that anything he might have planned for the holidays probably wasn't going to happen and that bitching would be bad form considering that he and Carter could very well be popsicles right about now.

He may be doing pretty well maneuvering on his crutches but he sure as hell wasn't up to driving. And even if he was, he definitely didn't have the fortitude to battle a store or mall to do any shopping. His ribs and chest were still tender and a bit painful and those three weeks flat on his back had definitely left him a bit weak in the knees.

Jack shook his head and took another drink of his beer. This was definitely going to be one of those laid back holidays unless…A thought crossed his mind and Jack grinned, refusing to acknowledge that his mood might have a bit to do with the combination of alcohol and ibuprofen.

He picked up the phone and punched the speed dial, the fingers of one hand drumming on the armrest of the chair until Daniel answered. "Daniel, are you busy?" Jack asked, cutting straight to the chase.

"Would it matter if I was?"

"Look, I need a favor?"

"Jack, it's Sunday. The liquor stores are closed."

"I need a ride to the mall." Jack ignored Daniel's dig and resisted the desire to remind his friend of his three pot a day habit.

"Why?"

"I need to do some Christmas shopping," Jack said, losing the levity. "Can you help me out here?"

Jack heard silence and was afraid that maybe he'd pushed too hard. "Ok, fine," Daniel finally relented. "Can you give me an hour? I'm kinda in the middle of something."

"Sure," Jack agreed. "Not a problem. I'll see you when you get here."

Jack hung up the phone and set it back down on the table. His cheerful mood faded a bit and he stared at the bulky Sunday paper lying over on the coffee table. Now all he had to do was think up something to get his friends.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Daniel walked beside Jack doing his best to help his friend navigate the crowds while playing packhorse and carrying Jack's sacks. "Let's take five," he said, noting the pinched look on Jack's face. He knew that this was a bad idea, that Jack wasn't quite up to a shopping expedition, but he also didn't know how to tell his friend no. His suspicions were confirmed when Jack took him up on the offer, making his way over to a bench and sinking down onto it.

Daniel sat beside him, arranging the sacks to be out of the way but still within reach. "Thanks," Jack said. "Never realized this place was this big."

"At least we're almost done," Daniel said. "I'm presuming that the extra, extra large sweatshirt is for Teal'c and that coffee gift set you didn't think I saw you buy is for me." Jack grimaced. "All that's left is Sam."

Jack shrugged. "I dunno. Women are hard to shop for."

"I thought they were easy," Daniel said. "A sweater, chocolates, perfume…"

Jack glared at him. "Women you're involved with sure. But can you see Carter using any of those?" he asked, eyeing a woman that walked past clad in a bright red sweater.  "Besides, there are complications."

"Complications?"

"You know."

"No, I don't know."

Jack sighed. "There's appearances to consider." Daniel raised his eyebrows. "There are always folks that only want to see the worst. You can't give them any ammunition. Nothing could screw Carter's career up faster than for someone to think that there's anything going on. She's smart enough to know that."

Daniel frowned, his friend's comments striking him as odd. "Jack, what the hell are you talking about?" Since when did Jack worry about appearances? Besides, it wasn't like he was buying her lingerie or jewelry.

Jack looked around, like he was trying to avoid the subject. "Why else haven't I seen her in weeks?" he said, his tone sounding embarrassed. Sam's absence had been something he hadn't noticed at first. Both the drugs and his own injuries occupying much of his time and concentration. Then, after a couple of weeks, when he'd started to feel better, he'd been worried that something was wrong with Sam that he hadn't been told about. That maybe she hadn't gotten off as unscathed as he'd hoped.

"Ah," Daniel said, finally getting what Jack was talking about. "Jack, there's a very good reason for that."

"I'm sure there is." He'd offended her or pushed her too hard. It was a miracle that he hadn't gotten her killed sending her off to traverse a glacier for crying out loud.

"She picked up a nasty cold a couple of weeks ago," Daniel said, interrupting Jack's thoughts.

Jack looked at him sharply. "A cold? Why didn't someone say something?"

"You were kinda unconscious at the time," Daniel said. "She had a hard time shaking it and Janet didn't want her accidentally giving it to you so…Sam was told to stay home." Daniel didn't add that the doctor had also worried about the cold getting worse, maybe turning into bronchitis or pneumonia. He had a feeling that Jack didn't need anything else to fret over.

Jack sighed. "Well, that explains it." He was glad that she was ok and he was ashamed to admit just how much he'd missed her. He'd learned a lot about his captain in those few chilly days. She had a hell of a head on her shoulders, but also a defeatist streak a mile wide. He'd have to work on that, work on getting her a little attitude adjustment. She certainly had the skills to be a good team leader; she just needed to develop the finer points, like knowing when to push and when to fall back.

Daniel stared at the shoppers passing by, debating whether or not to say anything. If things were normal, he'd have talked to Jack earlier. Of course, if things were normal then there might not be a problem. "What's wrong?" Jack asked.

"What?"

"You're thinking so loud I'm surprised that mall security hasn't come to check things out.  What's going on?"

"I think there's something wrong with Sam," Daniel said.

"Wrong? What do you mean wrong? You just said that she was fine."

"I'm not talking physically," Daniel said. "Teal'c and I tried to take dinner over but she wouldn't let us. Said she wanted to be alone."

"Daniel, some people are like that. Not everyone is a social butterfly like Teal'c."

"Jack, this is serious," Daniel said, annoyed at his friend's flippancy. "It's like she's depressed or something. The only thing she's shown any enthusiasm about is taking the Field Medic training."

"Daniel, it happens. It sucks to get hurt; it sucks even more when it happens during the holidays. She'll…she'll go visit her family or something and be fine next week."

"Does she even have any family to go visit?" Daniel asked. "She's never said anything to me. She's always at work or at home."

"That's her business, I doubt she wants us prying in her private life."

"Maybe we need to pry," Daniel said. "You've been in the hospital, Teal'c and I have been going out with SG-4, and Sam's sorta been off on her own. She's obsessed with this field medic bit and taking classes. Janet's been to visit her a couple of times and says that she doesn't even have any decorations up."

"Decorations?"

"You know, holiday stuff. Her house is totally empty."

"Daniel…"

"Come on, Jack. That's what you can get her."

"Christmas decorations?" Jack raised his eyebrows.

Daniel shrugged. "Why not? Surely that's non-personal enough. Maybe she lost them in the move and hasn't had time to go get anything. You can kill two birds with one stone. We can cheer her up and you can get her something at the same time." Daniel smiled, liking his idea more and more as he thought about it. He felt a more than a little guilty about him and Teal'c kinda forgetting about Sam. They hadn't meant to but so much had been going on in the past few weeks that Sam had just slipped his mind.

Since Jack's injuries had been worse, it'd been easier to focus on him, and Sam had encouraged them, seeming to be content for him and Teal'c to pay more attention to Jack than to her.

"Fine," Jack agreed. "But just a tree. A SMALL tree. We're not going to clutter up her whole damned house."

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Sam pulled her car to the curb and turned off the ignition, her frustration still eating at her gut. She didn't know what kind of games Daniel was playing but her teammate was going to get a very large piece of her mind.

She didn't mind getting called into work if there was a good reason but she had some serious issues with having her studies interrupted then dragged into the mountain to take care of some emergency…that didn't exist once she got there. And since Daniel was conveniently out of contact and not answering his cell or telephone, it had taken her several hours to realize that she'd been the victim of some odd prank.

Now half of her afternoon was gone and she had nothing to show for it other than just having a few less hours in front of her TV set or her computer. She got out of her car and reached back in, picking up the cup of coffee she'd picked up on the way home.

She made her way up the walk, shivering slightly in the cold wind. It hadn't really snowed yet down in the Springs but she could see a thick white layer up on the surrounding mountains. The air was chill and damp promising that snowfall in the city wasn't far off. That promise had been enough to have the local weathercasters prattling on and on about the potential for a white Christmas. She sighed, conceding that she did owe Daniel that much. He'd gotten her away from the ceaseless Christmas stuff on TV.

Sniffling a bit, she dug in her pocket, pushing past the Kleenex to pull her keys out. She shoved them into the door lock, stopping when the door opened freely. This was wrong. She had definitely locked the door. Damnit, and her sidearm was inside, right where it'd do her no good.

"Hey, what took you so long?" Daniel stepped out of her living room. "I expected you back a couple of hours ago."

"I got sent on a wild goose chase. What are you doing in my house?" she demanded giving into her ire. What was he doing here? And why had he broken into her house?

"Don't blame him," she heard another voice say. "Well, actually, if you're as pissed as I think you are, go ahead and blame him."

Sam walked into her living room and stared at the odd sight before her. The colonel and Teal'c were standing there, the colonel balancing on one crutch while he held a box of ornaments in one hand while Teal'c stood on the other side of a Christmas tree, a rope of tinsel held in his hands.

"Merry Christmas," Daniel said, smiling weakly. "Sorry, we hoped to be done by now but Teal'c thought we needed a real tree and the only lot was on the other side of town and…"

Sam stared, her eyes riveted on the green shape in the corner of her living room. The tree was about five feet tall and was filling the air with a sharp pine scent. It was wrapped with red tinsel and gold and silver glass ornaments hung from the branches. Her furniture was pushed over into a corner, rearranged to make room for the tree in front of her window.

"We're almost done. Do you want the honor of plugging it in?" the colonel asked.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, tearing her gaze from the tree. They were in her house. What were they doing in her house? Moving in and rearranging like they owned the place.

"Carter?" The colonel frowned at her.

"Captain Carter, have we committed an insult?" Teal'c asked.

"Look, Sam, I know it's kinda weird, but we couldn't think of something to get for you and we noticed that there weren't any decorations and-"

"You just thought you'd step in and decorate my house for me?" Sam asked, her voice rising in anger. "Without even asking." They had no right. This was her house, her sanctuary. Who the hell did they think they were to just stroll in and--

"Wouldn't be much of a surprise if we did ask," Daniel said.

"Take it down!" Sam ordered, setting her coffee down on the coffee table.

"What?"

"Carter?"

"Get that thing out of my house! And you with it!"

She turned on her heel and stalked through the kitchen, pushing her way through the sliding glass door and onto her deck. Anger and violation making her heart pound, she didn't sit down but started to pace. How dare they! Stupid egotistical sons of bitches-

"Carter?" She spun at the sound of the colonel's voice. "Hey, I'm unarmed." He held up his hands, balancing on the crutches. "What just happened in there?" he asked. She shook her head, remaining silent. "Sam, come on." He sat down on the steps and waved her over.

"This is my house," she said.

"The name on the mailbox sorta gives that away."

She glared at him. "There's one place in this whole city that's mine," she said. "Where I don't have to follow any regulations or put up with security cameras or…" She sighed, realizing that she'd overreacted. "I'm a little possessive about my space," she said. "And I spend so much time around other people that sometimes I just want to be alone."

"Ok," he nodded. "I can understand that. I'm the same way. But I still don't get your reaction to the tree."

"Sir?"

"The tree. I thought we did a pretty decent job on it and all."

She reluctantly stepped forward, sitting beside him. "I don't do Christmas," she said softly.

"Everybody does Christmas," he said. "Well, except for Goldman on SG-2 but…"

"Colonel, I don't do Christmas. I don't put up a tree or hang stockings or wrap tinsel around every single thing I can find. I don't do Christmas," she repeated.

"Sam, why not?" Jack asked softly.

"My mother was killed on December twenty-second. General Kensington's wife hosted the wake. She was big into Christmas. Trees in every room, lights, tinsel. Nutcrackers on the tables." Sam took a shaky breath. "I'm kinda surprised that they didn't put blinky lights on the coffin."

"You don't do Christmas," he said. Sam nodded. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"How could you? It's not exactly something I advertise. The good thing about the military, someone always has to work, which is what I usually do."

Jack nodded, accepting her boundaries. "How's your cold?" he asked, changing the subject.

She shrugged. "Getting better, thanks. How's your leg?"

"Getting better. You know, the doc didn't even have to re-set it." She cringed, the memory of his anguish cry, the sickening snap of the bone settling into place sending a chill down her spine. "Hey," he prompted when she didn't answer. "You ok?"

"Fine," she said, aware that she didn't sound very fine at the moment.

He stared at her for a second then shifted position, reaching into his pocket to pull out his wallet. He pushed some bills into her hand. "I'm gonna go get Daniel. Why don't you and him go get some dinner while Teal'c and I take all that crap down."

"Colonel, you don't have to."

"I want to. You'll be doing me a favor."

"A favor?" She looked at him, trying to reason out his logic.

"If we don't eat here, they'll end up at my place and then I'll have to clean and…you know it's a real pain in the ass. Besides, I'm not used to sharing my house either. I kinda counted the hours until Daniel moved out and got his own place."

Sam chuckled, a bit of her bad mood sliding away. "Any preferences?"

"Your house, you choose." He got to his feet. "But if you get pizza, do not get supreme. The olives do a number on Teal'c's stomach."

 Three hours later Sam shut the door behind her friends, feeling better than she had in quite some time. She hadn't realized just how left out she'd felt during the past few weeks, cut off and excluded from everything, first by her own time in the infirmary, then quarantined by her cold. She'd had a little too much time to think and to brood.

It felt good to be with them again, to have someone to talk to who she didn't feel like was diagnosing her every movement and sniffle.

She moved through her house, checking the doors and windows before she turned off the lights and made her way back to her bedroom. She turned on the lamp and stopped dead at the sight of a small white box on her pillows.

She picked it up and opened it. Inside was a folded piece of paper and a small porcelain figurine. She unfolded the paper and held it up.

 _To my snow angel_ _Thanks for keeping me alive_

 She laid the paper down and carefully took the delicate figurine out of the box, holding it in both hands. The little figure wore a long dress and had translucent wings along with a gilded halo set atop curly blond hair.

Sam carefully traced the edges of her wings before setting the figurine down on her nightstand. She changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed, her eyes settling on the angel one last time before she turned off the lights and fell into a dreamless sleep.


	2. It's a Rocky Road

Year Two - It's a Rocky Road

"SG-4 is on downtime until Friday and SG-6 is scheduled to go off-world in the morning," General Hammond said, rifling through the folders on his desk.

"Sounds simple enough to me, sir," Jack said, making mental notes.

George shot him a skeptical look then reached for a sheet of paper. "This is my contact information," he said. "I'll just be an hour away if anything comes up."

"It won't," Jack said, taking the sheet of paper and folding it. "With only two teams off-world, things will be quiet," he reassured the man. "In fact, I'm willing to bet that the biggest crisis will be which ball game is on and whether or not Siler can get it piped in down here."

In reality Jack knew that there was a hell of a lot that COULD go wrong. After all, Christmas meant nothing to the Goa'uld and the SGC would be vulnerable over the next few days with its skeleton staffing and distracted personnel. But he wasn't going to tell Hammond that. Not and risk ruining the man's time with his grandchildren.

"There is one more thing, Jack. Now that he's settling in with the Tok'ra, Jacob is hoping to make regular reports on any intelligence he can gather."

"Good thing we gave Marty a GDO then, huh?"

George shook his head. "Jacob doesn't think he'll have many opportunities to come back to Earth. His assessment is that it would be best if we met with him, sometimes at the current Tok'ra base but other times at a pre-arranged planet. In his last communication, he was fairly sure he'd be able to get away tomorrow."

"I take it the Tok'ra still need to beef up on their hospitality." Jack fought to keep the skepticism out of his voice. In one way, he was glad that they had made allies, there was no such thing as too many friends. But in another…they were still snakes, no matter what they claimed their attitudes were and he just couldn't whole heartedly trust a snake.

"You could say that," George said, his eyes suggesting to Jack that he shared his skepticism, even if he couldn't voice his opinion.

Jack shrugged. "Well, we're stood down until you're back, so Carter can go whenever she wants," Jack said, drawing the most logical conclusion. If the goal was to be discreet, what better cover story than a child visiting her parent.

"I was leaning towards Doctor Jackson being the liaison," George said.

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Sir? I would have thought that Carter'd jump at the chance to visit her dad."

"Unfortunately, no," George said. "Captain Carter and her father - despite recent events - have a very rocky relationship. One that's best served by distance."

Jack sat back and digested the man's words. Sure, he'd picked up on a little tension between the two, but he'd attributed it to the mission at hand. First Carter getting blind-sided with learning that her father was dying then with having to make the choice to offer him a chance to join the Tok'ra, not only to save his life but the lives of Daniel, Teal'c and all of SG-3. He knew that it hadn't been an easy decision for her, to risk exposing her father to the same experiences she'd had with Jolinar. But there was nothing like certain death to change a person's mind.

"You do know, sir, while I'm sure Daniel would love to go and play in the sand, if this information is going to be military intelligence, it could be too valuable of an asset to risk with a civilian," Jack said slowly, well aware that the military often put the good of the many over the good of the few. "Carter could actually be the best person for this assignment."

George shrugged. "I'll deal with that when it happens," he said. "For the time being, I'm not willing to push Captain Carter or force her to use her personal relationship with Jacob to benefit the US Air Force." George got to his feet, signaling the end of the briefing. "If Jacob happens to contact us tomorrow, perhaps Doctor Jackson wouldn't mind stepping in for the time being," he said.

"I'll ask him, sir," Jack said, also standing up. He waited until the general gathered the last of his belongings and left before sinking down in the man's red leather chair, rocking back and forth.

His fingers drummed on the desk as he craned his neck, studying the papers. He'd been a bit surprised when Hammond had called him to his office last week, not so casually asking him about holiday plans and O'Neill family traditions. It hadn't taken Jack long to figure out that, in his own round about way, Hammond was feeling out the possibility of him taking some time off and, like any good CO, was trying to find someone to run the place in his absence.

It took Jack about three seconds to offer, it was the least he could do for the man after all. In many ways he felt that he had a self-imposed 'duty' at the holidays. Since he really didn't have a family anymore, he would do what he could to help those that did have a little time together. And working the holidays was a small price to pay.

He heard a knock on the door and looked up, waving Sam in. "General Hammond already gone?" she asked, standing in front of his desk.

"Yep. Probably clearing the last guard post as we speak," Jack said, motioning for her to sit. "What's up?"

"I was wondering, umm, SG-6 goes out tomorrow, right?"

Jack nodded. "0800. Poor guys. Spending Christmas day on a tropical island with half naked natives." He shook his head. "The sacrifices we make for our country."

Sam smiled slightly. "I'd like to get permission to join them."

Jack frowned. "Really? That eager to avoid the turkey loaf?"

"Sergeant Keller's daughter has her first Christmas tomorrow. Colonel Wilson has no issue with me filling in if you don't."

Jack studied his second, easily seeing beneath her guileless expression. Oh yeah, she was being so nice to volunteer. Selfless and accommodating…and likely totally premeditated. What better way to guarantee not having to go see the Tok'ra if she conveniently wasn't on the planet at the time. "Still not into Christmas huh?"

She shrugged. "Doesn't seem fair for me to sit at home and watch movies while Keller misses his daughter's first Christmas."

"You know, your aah, your dad is probably going to call tomorrow," he said, studying her reactions.

"Really? I hadn't heard that," she lied.

"I woulda thought that you'd want to hang around for that. Have a perfectly bonafide excuse to take a little joyride through the gate," he fished, the uncomfortable look on her face telling him that his digging was hitting a nerve.

"The job comes first, my dad knows that."

"How many holidays did he miss?" Jack asked, honing in on the crux of the issue.

"How many did you miss?" she shot back, her eyes narrowing.

"Too many," he said honestly. "Request denied. You're not going out with SG-6 but you are going to be on call and when General Carter calls, you're going to go and receive whatever intelligence he has to share," Jack ordered.

"Colonel-"

"Orders. And don't even think about calling in sick tomorrow."

Her lips narrowed and her face took on a cold set. "Yes, sir," she bit out, her voice icy. "May I be dismissed, sir?"

"Yes," Jack said, nonplussed by her tightly reined anger. She left the room and Jack sighed, well aware that he'd definitely pushed the boundaries of their friendship. Usually, he wouldn't dream of interfering. A person's private life was just that, private. And it was a distinction that Jack himself cherished, the knowledge that he could go home and leave the rank - and its responsibilities - behind.

But he also knew that his captain had been through one hell of a year and that it hadn't left her unscathed. First being taken over by Jolinar and then almost killed by the Ashrak, an experience that, for a few horrible days, he thought she'd never recover from.

He knew that she still had nightmares and that she struggled to deal with the changes that she now had to live with. And their little run in with Apophis hadn't helped matters any. He didn't think that she knew that he knew that her nightmares had gotten worse in the past few weeks. He was worried about her, worried that she might be teetering just a little too close to the edge.

As her commanding officer, there wasn't a whole lot that he could do here on Earth, short of trying to get her to go see Mackenzie. Which he knew she'd resist. For a couple of reasons. First of all, Mackenzie was a hack. But most importantly, he knew just how damaging a psychological mark could be on her record. Fair or not, it'd be seen as a weakness and he couldn't do that to her. Not only because he cared about her, but also he knew just how much he'd hate it if someone tried to do the same thing to him.

But what he could do is, hopefully, get her a little pop-psychology, no pun intended. If he was lucky, her little trip to go see dad would accomplish two things. First, it'd give them a chance to mend a few fences. But, more importantly, maybe she'd finally find someone she could talk to about the whole Jolinar mess. Probably the only person in the galaxy that really understood her feelings and what she was going through.

He knew that she'd be pissed at him, and that he was definitely pushing the boundaries of their friendship, but it was something that he felt he had to do. If he had to piss her off to help her out, he'd piss her off. He'd very much rather have her angry at him than…well something worse.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Sam sat in her lab, the fingers of her left hand drumming mindlessly on the table top while her right maneuvered the mouse quickly through the solitaire game.

Finishing one game, she sighed as she glanced at the clock in the corner of the screen. 1323. Great. She'd officially wasted half a day.

Ordinarily, she wouldn't dream of just hanging out and playing computer games. Not only was it against the rules but she always had more than enough to do. But these were not ordinary times and she was here under duress.

'Request denied.'

Bastard. What kind of game did he think he was playing? He had no reason to refuse her request other than pure spite. She'd already talked to General Hammond about the Tok'ra and foolishly thought that everything had been ok. Sure, the general was disappointed.  After all, he'd spent a good chunk of the past ten years mediating their cold war and she was sure that he'd expected this to be a golden opportunity for her and her dad to patch things up.

What General Hammond didn't realize was that no matter how much you dressed it up, a leopard never changed its spots. And no amount of alien intervention was going to alter the fact that her dad was an ass.

 _Do you want to be a captain forever?_

_Fathers have dreams too._

_No one wins medals for pushing paper._

_I was a major by the time I was your age._

"Yeah, right, dad. You're a man and you had two tours in Nam," Sam muttered, pushing away the mouse in disgust.

She knew that she should be happy that he was alive, happy that Selmac had saved him from certain death. And she was. She just hadn't thought things through. Hadn't realized that he'd have to go live with the Tok'ra. Hadn't considered that someone would have to go and make contact with him. Hadn't thought that her dad might want to change the status quo and decide to play the role of a parent again.

Not to mention the other aspect of this assignment - staying with the Tok'ra.

The last few months had been such a roller coaster that there were times when Sam felt like Jolinar was still there, that she was nothing more than a passenger along for the ride, out of control and un-consulted.

The terror of Jolinar's possession leading into Sam's joy at her death, then the chilling realization that the creature she'd hated so very much had sacrificed its life to save hers. Sam had been grateful to be alive, but she shouldn't be grateful to her captor. She should still hate her, but couldn't. Nobody'd ever done that before, sacrificed their life to save hers.

The colonel said that it was the least Jolinar could do, that saving Sam's life was far from adequate payment for the hell she'd put her through. But the colonel hadn't had a front row seat to the creature's death. He hadn't felt Jolinar struggle or listened to her scream as the Ashrak drove the life out of her.

He had backed Sam when she'd wanted to explore her dreams though. Which was something that still puzzled her. The colonel was a natural born skeptic and Sam knew that if he couldn't see it, touch it or hear it, he didn't believe it.

But he'd been oddly understanding about the dreams, never once suggesting that she was making it up or that she needed to go have a chat with Mackenzie. His support was the main reason she'd looked into her dreams, trying to find a way to remember them, to explore the alien memories that were now a part of her. To make sense of them before they drove her over the edge.

It was also about the only thing that kept her grounded when she felt that everything was spinning out of control. Hell, even her body wasn't her own anymore. Her blood was different, she got the creeps every time she got within ten feet of Teal'c, she could apparently use goa'uld technology, and she wasn't sure which of these things bugged her the most.

She was glad that they'd found the Tok'ra, that they now had a potential ally. And she was glad that her dad was alive, but there were aspects about the Tok'ra that scared her.  Martouf's behavior had shocked her. How could someone who Jolinar remembered so fondly, who talked to her quietly out on the dunes and with whom Jolinar had been mated also just calmly hand Apophis over for never ending torture? Was it just him? Or were all the Tok'ra like that? How could they be so dispassionate and so loving at the same time?  Was she like that now?

A thought occurred to her and her stomach lurched. There was another reason for her to go to the Tok'ra, and it didn't have much to do with her father. Everyone had been very interested when she'd found out that she could use goa'uld technology. Interested to the point that General Hammond had offered to give her time off to further experiment with the stuff, to practice and hone her control. What if this was some ploy to get her some 'expert advice' in the area? What if she was being manipulated? Would they do that to her? Ordinarily she wouldn't think so, but ordinarily the colonel didn't make a habit of flouting General Hammond's preferences…unless of course the world was ending.

The klaxons sounded and she looked up, instinct turning her attention to the source of the noise. It had to be him. SG-6 had departed earlier this morning and no one else was due back. "Captain Carter to the gate room."

Sam sighed and quickly shut down her computer. It didn't really matter why she was going. She was and barring a freak accident in the elevator, there wasn't much she could do about it. She shrugged on her TAC vest and picked up her pack that was lying in the corner of the room where she'd set it that morning.

It took her only a few minutes to make it down to the twenty-eighth floor, the slim staffing of the facility meaning that she encountered few obstacles. She walked into the gate room, doing her best not to look the colonel in the eyes. Much to her surprise, the gate was dormant. "Sir?" she asked, surrendering to the fact that she'd have to talk to him to find out what was going on.

"General Carter just called. You won't be going to the Tok'ra base. Seems they don't really want us to find out where they are right now. We suggested the Land of Light and he agreed. You ship out now and have twenty-four hours before you need to report back. If you need more time, we can arrange it," he briefed her.

"Yes, sir," she said.

He waved his hand, signaling Walter to dial the gate. Sam looked away, her eyes darting around the room, watching the gate spin, anything to avoid looking at her commanding officer. Eye contact usually led to conversation, and she still wasn't in the mood for that.

She could sense him beside her, rocking back and forth on his heels. Why the hell was he still hanging around? Didn't he have a base to run? Or maybe he was feeling all bossy and thought that he had to show her to the gate. Make sure she didn't trip and fall. It wasn't like she could disobey his order. Oh, she could, but there was about twenty witnesses. Not even she was that stupid.

The gate opened with its customary whoosh and she sighed with relief. She didn't exactly want to be going, but at least she wouldn't have to spend the day in a cave with a bunch of Tok'ra. And Tupelo was a good man. Added to that, his daughter was a good cook. Chances are the MRE's she'd packed would stay that way.

She stepped up the ramp, eager to make her exit. "Carter?" She turned, knowing that it would have been really unrealistic to have made a clean get away, especially with him standing three feet away. "Enjoy your day," he said, his voice uncommonly sincere.

Sam nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She walked up the ramp and through the event horizon without looking back.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Jack leaned over Walter's shoulder a smile creeping across his face as he recognized the iris code. "Open it up," he ordered, pushing back from the console and heading down the stairs.

Just as he walked into the gate room the iris spun open and Sam stepped through. He studied her closely, looking for some clue as to how her visit had gone. She wasn't smiling, but she didn't appear angry either. Her expression was calm and her stride easy as she made her way down the ramp. "Have a nice trip?" he asked, feeling the need to say something.

"Yes, sir," she replied, handing her weapons over. "Tupelo sends his regards."

"What's up with ole Tupelo these days?" he asked, falling into step as she walked out of the gate room.

"His first grandson," she said. Jack raised his eyebrows. "His name is Danl."

"Umm, is this something I should know about?" he asked, summoning the elevator. "Or, more importantly, something Daniel needs to know."

"The baby was born a month ago. So, unless Daniel has been sneaking through the gate…"

"He's off the hook," Jack said, relieved. His team had done a lot of firsts but he didn't want to add intergalactic paternity suits to the list.

The elevator arrived and he joined her in the car, ignoring her questioning look. "Did you and your dad have fun?" he asked.

"Is this an official briefing?" she asked, her voice tight.

Jack gave her a look. "Does it need to be?" he challenged.

She sighed. "Everything's fine," she said. "Selmac didn't share a lot but I have a list of goa'uld names and planets. Places we might want to avoid."

"That's always good to know." The elevator opened and they got out on level twenty one.  "Anything else interesting happen?" he fished, cursing the fact that his second was so tight lipped at times.

She stopped, turning to face him. "Was it supposed to?"

"Carter?"

"Stop fishing, sir, you don't do it well," she said, apparently not caring that she was flying in the face of protocol. "What do you want to know?"

Jack stared at her for a moment, not used to her being so up front and confrontational. "I was just curious if you and your dad had a nice visit," he said slowly.

"Do you want to know if we talked, or if I brought back any homework?" she said, her tone mocking. Jack frowned, not sure what she was talking about.

"Well, I presume you talked. Be a pretty boring day if you didn't," he said slowly.

"I'm not going to do it," she declared.

"Do what?"

"I am not going to do it and if you or the general are under orders to make me, then…I'll resign," she said.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked.

"Using the goa'uld stuff," she said. "I'm not going to do it," she declared.

"Carter, I didn't send you to see General Carter to take lessons in blasting people with that hand thingie," Jack said, her tense mood and bad attitude suddenly making sense. "As far as I'm concerned, it's perfectly all right with me if you never use that thing again. It kinda gives me the creeps."

"Then why-"

"Maybe so that you could spend time with your dad," he interrupted. "Maybe so that you could have a chance to talk to someone about this whole blending thing who actually understands. Maybe because I thought I was doing you a favor, even if you didn't agree with me at the time," he ranted.

Her shoulders slumped and he watched her temper fade to be replaced with something he interpreted to be remorse. "You honestly thought that's why I was sending you?" he asked.

"I know that General Hammond has been getting requests for me to learn more about goa'uld technology."

"Yeah, and they also want Teal'c to fly to Nellis so that they can 'fully examine' him. Neither of them is gonna happen," he said. He sighed and lowered his voice. "Sam, I sent you so that you could spend some time with your dad. No more, no less. And if you honestly don't want to go anymore, that's fine. I was just trying to do you a favor."

"That explains why the topic never came up," she muttered. "I acted so weird, he probably thinks I'm nuts."

"Maybe he just though you'd had too much egg nog," Jack said, hoping to console her a bit. He should have thought of this and tried to ease her mind. In truth, he hadn't realized just how much she knew about the whole Area 51 bit. He and Hammond had both agreed that she really didn't need to know about their efforts to have her transferred. They both thought that it was one more stress that she really didn't need to worry about.

In hindsight, their decision had probably been wrong. The base grapevine was a vicious thing and they should have realized that she'd hear things. Which probably had something to do with her tenser mood of late. He had a funny idea that her issues weren't just the stress of dealing with Jolinar, but also of worrying about being betrayed by the very folks that were supposed to be watching her back.

"Look, this job doesn't have many perks. Gotta take them where you can get them," Jack said, shrugging. "That's all I was trying to do. Give you and your dad some time together."

"Thank you." Sam smiled slightly. "I still don't want to learn how to use that stuff," she said. "I know that it could come in handy some time and that it might be a tactical advantage but…"

"But?"

She closed her eyes and looked down before looking back up. "I don't like how it makes me feel," she confessed. Jack raised his eyebrows. She glanced down the hallway, looking to insure that they were still alone. "When I use that hand device, I can feel it. Jolinar used it to kill, when I use it, I can remember her killing, I can remember ME killing and I just…"

"You don't want to use it," he interrupted.

"No."

"Then don't," he said. "We're not going to make you do anything that you don't want to do." Jack sighed. "I'll be honest, it probably would be a tactical advantage for you to be proficient in it, but only if you want to be." He looked her in the eyes. "And don't worry about the idiots at Area 51. Hammond and I can take care of them."

"Thank you," she said.

"Look, once you clear medical, Teal'c and Daniel were gonna come over for dinner tonight," he said, feeling the need to get the topic onto something better.

"Is General Hammond back? " she asked.

"No. But Castleman volunteered to keep an eye on things. SG-6 came back early and you were the last person off world so he's just here for the technicality," Jack explained.

"Dinner sounds good," she accepted. "What time?"

"How about you pick up Teal'c once you're done and be at my place at 1800," he suggested.

"Do I need to bring anything?"

"Just yourself," Jack said.

"I'll be there, thank you."

Jack nodded and turned on his heel. He strode down the hall, whistling tunelessly between his teeth.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Sam walked into the locker room, her arm still stinging after the blood draw that was a part of the post gate examination. She glanced at her watch, grimacing when she realized that she'd have about forty-five minutes to shower, pick up Teal'c and get over to the colonel's house. It'd be tight but she could pull it off, especially since she really didn't have the need to primp.

She worked the combination on her locker and opened the metal door, intent upon grabbing her shampoo and other toiletries. Her eyes settled on a small white box and she stared, smiling at its familiarity.

Setting down her shampoo, she reached for the box and carefully opened it. Inside was a small figurine of a man, a little girl in his arms. A small piece of paper was nestled in one side and she pulled it out, unfolding it to read the message.

 _Never waste a second chance. They're rarer than you think._

 Smiling, she replaced the note and figurine and carefully put it back in her locker for safe keeping. Maybe she'd be a couple of minutes late, make a quick trip by the liquor store and pick up the colonel's favorite brand of beer.


	3. Mending Fences

Year Three - Mending Fences

Jack strode down the halls of the SGC whistling softly between his teeth. It felt good to be back. He'd missed so much in the past few months, first being stranded on Edora then doing his little rogue op. In some ways, he almost felt like when he'd returned from the Gulf - without all that pesky PTSD. Things were familiar, but they were also different. There were a few new faces and a few familiar ones were missing.

There were also the little things. Like a new coat of paint on the walls of the rec room on level twenty-three. Then again the handle on the urinal on level eighteen still stuck and dripped water on any who would use it.

He summoned the elevator as he glanced at his watch, confirming the time. 0730 - The semi-official breakfast time for SG-1. Presuming, of course, that that hadn't changed in the past few months.

The car arrived and he got in, taking the moment of privacy to lean against the wall. That was his one regret about his last mission. Not that he'd done his job. He could draw a certain amount of satisfaction from that. He'd completed his mission and brought down the rogue operation that was endangering the SGC's relationship with their allies.

No, his regret was, to do his job; he'd totally screwed over three of the most important people in his life.

He hated Thor and the Tollans for their damn anonymity clause. He could have told them that no one on his team was a thief. Hell, with Carter digging into things, they probably could have rooted out the rogues without all that damned cloak and dagger stuff.

In many ways, Jack found Carter's skills at hacking to be rather scary. It was definitely a good thing that she was on their side.

Daniel too. He may not quite have Carter's way with a computer, but he more than made up for it with his sheer pig headedness. And Teal'c. Hell, all they needed was to have Teal'c around and the interrogations would have lasted about 3.2 seconds.

He should have had his team with him. Should have insisted on it. Should have had them at his side instead of having to push them away. "Woulda, coulda, shoulda," he muttered as the doors opened. He pushed himself off the wall and walked out of the elevator, doing his best to not let any of his insecurities show. The past was the past and he couldn't change it. All he could do was hope to fix things between him and his friends.

He entered the commissary, surprised to find it relatively busy. Either there were a lot of people with empty cupboards at home or they'd really taken to heart the axiom that breakfast was the most important meal of the day.

The room was modestly decorated for the holidays, a few strands of tinsel and lights hanging high up on the walls. A three-foot Christmas tree sat on one table in the corner, a menorah standing at its base with too small candles crookedly perched in the cups.

The holidays were a time of balances at the SGC, and any military base. Yes, folks liked to decorate and have fun, but that decorating couldn't interfere with the normal operations of the facility. Which was why the commissary was the most common place to be decorated, along with a few of the rec rooms. People could enjoy the decorations while they relaxed, but didn't have to be distracted by them while they were working.

Carter, Daniel and Teal'c were in one corner, laying claim to their semi-traditional table. Teal'c looked up and Jack nodded, motioning towards the food lines. He picked up a tray and started to browse the offerings. He wasn't always a bacon and eggs guy, unless they were due to go off world. Then he'd usually splurge on the heavy breakfast, especially since you never knew when your next meal would be. And all that hiking required energy. Or maybe pancakes and waffles to really stock up on the carbs.

But he just couldn't get into Carter's rabbit food of yogurt and fruit. Lunch was way too far away for that. Realizing that if he didn't make his mind up soon he would be looking for lunch, Jack went for the tried and true, Froot Loops.

Balancing the box of cereal and carton of milk on his tray, he snagged a bowl and a mug of coffee before leaving the food area and making his way over to his team. Surprisingly enough, they were all still there. "Morning," he said, taking a seat.

"Sir." Carter looked up and smiled.

"O'Neill." Teal'c acknowledged him too while Daniel remained stubbornly silent. Jack sighed to himself, well aware that he would have some serious fence mending to do with his friends. Most especially Daniel who'd had the dubious honor of taking the brunt of Jack's deliberate bad temper.

"I need to get back to work," Daniel said as an excuse. He pushed himself up from the table and left the commissary.

Jack turned to Carter and Teal'c. "I did shower this morning," he said.

"Daniel's still a little…sore," Sam said, making a face.

"Ya think." Jack poured his Froot Loops into the bowl and opened the carton of milk. "I'll talk to him," he said. "What are you two up to?"

"We were going to go back to P3C283 and retrieve our monitoring device," Sam said.

Jack frowned, the designation sounding familiar. "That was your last mission wasn't it?" he asked. "Where you went with Makepeace."

Sam nodded. "Yes, sir. We left a monitoring device behind to get a better picture of the weather patterns there. Teal'c and I were going to go pick it up."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "The two of you?"

Sam's face colored a bit. "Colonel Makepeace was to accompany us," Teal'c said.  "However, since he is incarcerated, that will not be possible."

Jack stared at Teal'c, the man's rather cold tone making him pause. The last time he'd heard that tone of voice Teal'c was talking about Apophis. "Didn't get along well?" Jack fished, knowing that he was broaching a topic that he couldn't avoid forever. Teal'c merely glared at him. Jack looked over at Sam, silently asking her to clarify.

"Colonel Makepeace, umm, he wasn't very open to alternative ways of doing things," she said, struggling a bit to phrase things in a respectful manner.

"Ah," Jack said. "What'd he do?"

"Nothing…serious," she said, squirming a bit in her seat.

"Carter, do I need to throw rank around?" Jack threatened, alternately glad that she respected the man, but still frustrated by her reluctance to speak frankly.

"He kept calling him 'the Jaffa'," she said.

"The Jaffa?" She nodded. "Well, you ARE a Jaffa." Teal'c glared at him. Jack shrugged, his spoon splattering droplets of milk on the table. "What can I say? He's a Jarhead." Carter grinned slightly and Jack relaxed. Whether she realized it or not, her moods tended to steer how the others acted. And if she was willing to accept Jack's actions, Teal'c and Daniel would too, eventually. Jack paused a second, Carter's words sinking in. "Wait a minute, how come I don't know about this mission to get your doohickey?"

"General Hammond didn't know when you'd be back and we've already been to the planet so…he just said that we could go." She motioned at her and Teal'c.

"And Daniel?"

"He can go too if he wants but…all we're going to do is take a little hike and pick up the equipment. Two hour mission, tops." Her confident face fell a bit. "Unless, of course, you'd rather we waited for you, sir," she said. "If we leave the monitoring device there another day it won't hurt anything. The battery will die but the information should be written to the hard drive so it won't be lost."

Jack stared at his second, cursing silently as he realized he'd just discovered another casualty of his little escapade - Carter's self-confidence. It had to be eating at her to not have been given command - hell, it'd eat at him.

And she couldn't even ask why, not without risking sounding like she was complaining. Or without hearing the one thing she didn't want to hear - that she was unsuited. In a way, she was. She still got too easily sidetracked, especially if there was some alien gadget lying around. But that could be fixed, with a little time. Once she got some distance she would likely see just why things had played out like they did. Just like she'd see that Hammond had deliberately not put her in charge so that things would be easier when Jack returned.

But distance took time and it couldn't hurt to slap a little super glue on the issue right now. "Hell, no I don't want to go back there," he said. "You know my rule: One trip per planet."

Teal'c raised his eyebrows. "I was not aware of such a rule."

"You're not reading your memos. You two want to go play, be my guest. Take your two hours, heck, tell Hammond I said that you could take three," he promised magnimously.

"A three hour tour?" Sam asked, grinning a bit.

Jack rolled his eyes. "Just watch out for rough weather," he quipped. "Seriously though, I have a week's worth of paperwork to catch up on. I can use the downtime."

"Thank you, sir," Sam said. "We're due to ship out in an hour or so and we should be back by lunchtime."

"Have fun," Jack said, setting down his spoon into his empty bowl. He pushed back from the table and got to his feet. "Just watch out for those white flowers, they're hell on the sinuses."

He dropped his tray off on the conveyer belt and left the cafeteria, relieved that a few of his bridges had been mended. He'd still have to work on a few things, but it wasn't something he could rush into. He had a fine line to walk. Yes, he had damaged their trust in him. And, yes, that trust did have to be rebuilt. But they also needed to understand that he was doing his job and he wasn't going to apologize for that.

The cup of coffee he'd drank before leaving home asserted itself and Jack changed course, slipping into the closest men's room. Eschewing the urinal, he stepped into one of the stalls, shutting the door behind him. He heard the hall door open and was glad for his choice when several voices echoed off the tile walls.

"All you gotta do is keep in mind a few ground rules and this place is a breeze," one voice said.

"The old man's word is law," a second voice said. "Don't cross him if you want to stay here."

"Don't lie to him either. His bullshit detector is first rate."

"He may come across as a hard ass, but he's not."

Jack smiled, listening to the two men brief what had to be a newly transferred man to the outfit. It was good that Hammond was held in such high esteem.

"What about the other one everyone is talking about?" he new recruit asked. "The colonel."

"Him," the first man said, his tone derisive. "Evidentially we can't trust him any further than we can throw him."

"You don't know that."

"Hey, he ratted out some of his own."

"He ratted out spies," the second man protested. "Besides, they're just Marines."

"Believe what you want, I ain't trusting him," the first one persisted.

The men flushed and Jack heard them wash their hands before they left the room. He opened the stall door and made his way over to the sink, washing his own hands.

_'I ain't trusting him.'_

Lovely. Just what he needed. He was the good guy in all this. The man in the white hat. He wasn't the one contravening orders and endangering Earth. He wasn't lying to and stealing from their allies. He was the one they came to for help, the only Tau'ri they trusted. He should feel good about what he did, not ashamed. What were they doing? Holding Makepeace up as some sort of modern day Robin Hood?

Slightly depressed, he left the washroom wondering if he could catch up with Carter and Teal'c before they left. All of a sudden going off world sounded rather appealing.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Daniel hesitated outside Jack's door, taking a moment to study his friend before he knocked on the open door. Jack looked up and Daniel frowned, taken aback by the weariness in his Jack's eyes. "What do you need?" he asked.

"Umm, Sam said that you needed to talk to me," Daniel said, holding up the printed out e-mail that dropped into his inbox a half hour ago.

Jack blinked slowly. "That's pretty interesting seeing as how she's been off world for the past hour," he said dryly.

Daniel shrugged, crumpling the paper up in his hand. "She's sneaky," he said, stepping into Jack's office and claiming one of the chairs. Jack watched him but didn't say a word. "She said that we needed to talk," he explained. "I guess she wasn't going to take no for an answer." Daniel knew that he could turn tail and retreat back to his own office. But he needed to deal with this eventually. And the longer he put it off, the worse it'd be.

"Someone needs to revoke her busy-body license," Jack said, rolling his eyes. "Look, Daniel, you came, we talked, it's over."

Daniel studied his friend, not failing to notice the exhaustion on his face and the slump of his shoulders. The past couple of weeks had been tough on him, not just his mission to stop the rogues but also that he'd had to do it all on his own, no backup, no support.

"What are you working on?" Daniel asked, realizing that if anyone was going to take the first step it would have to be him.

Jack paused for a minute and Daniel was afraid that he'd be dismissed. "The last six months of SG-3's mission reports," Jack finally said, the scowl fading off his face.

Daniel frowned, then understood. "You're trying to see how badly he hurt us."

"Yeah." Jack motioned towards the six-inch stack of paper. "If we can cross reference the places SG-3 visited with the planets the rogues used as drops, maybe we can get an idea how much stuff they brought back."

"And where to return some of it."

"Yeah." Jack grimaced. "That's gonna be some fun missions."

"How bad do you think it is?"

"Bad. The Asgard claim that the rogues messed with at least six of their planets."

"We don't have to take that stuff back, do we?"

Jack shook his head. "Thor's gonna take care of that. The ones we really need to worry about are the goa'uld planets they hit."

"We're not going to, I dunno, give the goa'uld back any of their toys are we?" Daniel asked, mildly disgusted by the idea. They were supposed to be fighting the goa'uld and somehow re-arming them just didn't seem like a good thing to do.

"Only if the Asgard make us," Jack answered. "Which might or night not be a good thing."

Daniel raised his eyebrows. "How is not giving the goa'uld back their tech a bad thing? They already hate us so it can't get much worse."

"You know one thing that slowed Mayborne down? It took them a while to figure out how to work the goa'uld goodies without a goa'uld to run them."

Daniel shrugged. "Since they can't get through the gate then that shouldn't be an issue," Daniel said. Jack just stared at him. "What?" he asked, not getting what Jack was having a problem with.

"They don't have to go through the gate to find someone who can make the goa'uld stuff work," Jack said.

Daniel shook his head. "Who could they get to--Oh my god, Sam," he said, his stomach sinking as realization dawned.

"Yeah," Jack confirmed. "At least now we know why we kept getting transfer requests for her to go to Area 51 last year."

"Is Sam in danger?" Daniel asked, alarmed at the revelation.

"We don't know. Hopefully we put enough of a crimp in their plans so that she should be ok."

"Are you going to tell her?"

Jack nodded. "When she gets back."

"You might be worrying her about nothing," Daniel warned. In one way, he wanted to warn his friend, he wanted her to know about the danger. But in another, he didn't want to heap one more stress on her. The last few months had been tough enough on her already.

"Maybe, but I have serious doubts that we got them all." Jack's voice was low and defeated, something Daniel wasn't used to seeing. His friend always had a 'never say die' attitude, sometimes annoying the crap out of them with his insistence that they not give up.

"This was bad, wasn't it?" Daniel asked, finally comprehending the seriousness of Jack's mission. "I mean really bad."

"Anyone that didn't play along, got disappeared," Jack confirmed, making little quote signs in the air.

"Disappeared?" Jack just smiled grimly. "That's what would have happened to you if they'd have found out that you were spying on them?" Daniel asked. Jack stared at him, refusing to answer. "And that's why you needed to keep us as far away as possible. Give you one less thing to worry about."

"I was under orders, Daniel. Even as a civilian you can understand that."

Daniel sighed. "Yeah, I can. And I can understand why you'd want to keep us out of danger." Jack looked down, raising one hand to scratch his head. Daniel took that as a sign that, as far as Jack was concerned, the topic was closed. "You need any help with those?" he asked.

"What?"

"Four eyes are better than two. And there can't be anything in there that I'm not allowed to read. With both of us working at it, we can get it done in half the time."

Jack shrugged and picked up the pile of papers, dividing it roughly in two. He slid one stack over to Daniel. "Knock yourself out."

"What are we looking for?" Daniel asked, opening one of the folders.

"Any instances where they mention unrecovered technology. Or where Makepeace's reports differ from the others," Jack instructed.

"Do you think they were all in on it?"

Jack shook his head. "I don't think so. SG-3's had a lot of turn over in the past few months. Originally, Hammond and I just thought it was Makepeace being too much of a hardass, but in hindsight, I think Makepeace was getting rid of anyone he didn't think he could trust, or anyone who was asking too many questions."

"Or he was trying to surround himself with co-conspirators," Daniel said.

"Which is why none of the recent transfers are going to get the benefit of the doubt," Jack said.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 "Thank you, Teal'c," Sam said, stepping aside so that Teal'c could set the measuring device on her table. "I'll mess with it tomorrow."

"As you wish," Teal'c said. "What time do you desire to depart?" he asked.

"You're sure you're in the mood for this?" she asked, feeling the need to confirm his participation.

"Indeed. In fact, I believe this activity will be most educational."

"Educational?" she asked, wondering if her teammate was attempting humor again. They had spent most of the last two hours chatting, discussing everything from the latest Star Wars movie to the colonel's last mission.

She had a slightly different perspective on his actions now, even different than she had this morning. Yes, she was still a little miffed at him, or, more accurately, his words, but she could understand why he did what he did. He was just doing his job. The same way he'd been doing his job when he'd drugged her to keep Jolinar from taking her off world. Or when he'd stayed behind to detonate the bomb to keep the black hole from destroying Earth or when he'd ok'd them locking Daniel up in mental health.

"Indeed," Teal'c said, drawing her attention back to the present. "This is a part of the Tau'ri existence which is not easy to observe within the confines of the SGC."

"Ok," she agreed. "I doubt the general wants an official debriefing. We can probably clear medical and be ready to leave in an hour."

"I shall await your instruction," Teal'c said. He walked out of her lab and Sam stared after him for a minute before she started to chuckle. Oh yeah, this going to be a very interesting evening.

 XXXXXXXXXX

Jack ambled down the halls, his mood a hundred times better than at this time yesterday. He and Daniel had spent several hours going over the mission reports finally coming up with three or four places where SG-3 could have defrauded the natives.

He and Hammond had yet to make a final decision on how to handle the thefts. Yes, they did have a responsibility to return the merchandise, but they also knew that the teams charged with that mission could face the wrath of the native people. Wrath that could be deadly for all involved.

They called it a night around 1800 and Jack tried to track down Carter and Teal'c, hoping to invite them to go out for dinner. Amazingly enough, Carter was already gone for the day and Teal'c wasn't in his room so Jack had just gone out with Daniel, the two of them choosing one of the local chain restaurants where the food was decent even if the atmosphere looked like someone's cluttered attic.

They'd talked a bit, clearing the air and catching up on some of the things Jack had missed during his time on Edora. He knew that he owed his friends a debt that he could probably never repay. They'd never given up on him, even after he'd long since given up on them. That kind of loyalty scared him.

It made him glad in a way that he had abused that trust in his undercover mission. He was glad that they doubted him, even just a little. That doubt just might let a little self-preservation come forth. They needed to follow him but they also needed to know when NOT to follow him. When to question, when to doubt.

He rounded a corner and stopped, staring at the large group of people gathered in the hall. Some of them were chatting back and forth, colorful napkins in one hand and a plastic cup of punch in the other. "Good morning, sir," they greeted, a couple of them mumbling past a mouth full of cookie.

"Morning," Jack said, smiling politely. He made his way to the head of the line, raising his eyebrows when he realized that he was walking into his now very crowded office. His desk was free of paper and covered with several red and green plates of cookies. A large punch bowl sat on his credenza, flanked by a dozen plastic cups already filled with punch. Teal'c stood in one corner of the room while Carter served the punch, dipping it out of the bowl with a clear plastic ladle.

Personnel filed in and out, chatting with each other as they plucked cookies from the plates, a couple of the more burly ones struggling to keep a hold of a handful of the baked treats. "Thank you, sir. And Merry Christmas," one of the men said. Jack smiled back, recognizing him as one of the Marines.

"Carter," Jack said, turning to face his second. "Something I should know about?"

She flushed a bit. "Everyone seems to love your idea, sir," she said, handing him some punch.

"My idea?" he asked, taking the cup from her.

"Yes," she smiled brightly, her eyes daring him to say something.

"Do you have a minute, Major," Jack asked calmly, his tone suggesting that it was not a request.

She sighed and nodded. "Teal'c." He came over and took the ladle from her hands then she followed Jack as he led her out into the hall. They walked down the other direction and rounded another corner, finding the hall empty.

"Care to tell me why it looks like the Keebler Elves have taken over my office?" he asked.

"You're hosting a holiday open house," she said, her voice annoyingly perky.

"Why would I do that?"

"As a way to aah, to celebrate the holiday." Jack stared at her, silently asking for more clarification. "And to acknowledge just how difficult things have been for everyone with the whole NID thing." Jack raised his eyebrows. "And to, you know, kinda reacquaint yourself with everyone." Jack stared at her seeing more than a little uncertainty in her eyes. It was clear that she expected him to order her to shut things down. And he probably should. She had no right to requisition his office and turn it into some sort of party house, especially without his permission.

But he just couldn't.

He should feel angry that she'd violated his space, annoyed that she'd taken such liberties.

Instead, he was touched.

"How did you come up with this idea?" Jack asked, softening his voice as he sipped the punch.

"Teal'c umm…well Teal'c and I thought that it'd be a good idea."

Jack frowned, sensing that she was holding something back. "Why?" he pressed.

"It's Christmas," she said with a false smile.

"I thought you didn't do Christmas. You gonna make me go ask Teal'c?"

She sighed, clearly uncomfortable. "Teal'c has been hearing things."

"Things?"

"People don't realize just how good his hearing is."

"Let me guess, folks are pissed off at the ratfink in their midst," Jack said, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

She looked down, confirming his supposition. "Teal'c wanted to challenge them to combat, I convinced him that there were other ways."

"Cookies?"

"The way to a Marine's heart is through his sweet tooth. We spent most of yesterday baking. Teal'c is actually great in the kitchen," she said quickly.

"Do I even want to know how you got in my locked office?" Jack asked.

Sam shook her head. "You really don't, sir."

"Didn't think so." Jack stood there for a second. "I guess I should get in there, seeing as how I'm the host and all."

"That would probably be good." She moved to step around him, stopping when Jack reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her back. "Sir?"

"Thank you," he said, leaning in and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"You're welcome." She smiled at him, her hand tightening over his before she pulled away. She led him around the corner and Jack followed, the smile on his face genuine and natural.

XXXXXXXXXX

 Sam got out of her car and locked the doors, struggling a bit to balance the empty containers she'd used to carry the cookies to the mountain in. All in all, the past twenty-four hours had been the best twenty-four hours she'd had in months.

Teal'c was fantastic in the kitchen, having just the right balance between curiosity and efficiency. He was one of the reasons she'd ended up baking six different types of cookies. It was far easier to simply show him what a no-bake cookie was than it was to explain it to him.

She chuckled, still remembering the bemused look on the colonel's face when he'd discovered their little plan. In one way, his words from the mission still stung, but in another, and especially after chatting with Daniel, she understood. Cruel to be kind. She could deal with that.

She made her way up the steps frowning as she caught sight of a small wrapped box sitting beside her front door. She set down the containers and picked it up, turning it over in her hands. There were no markings on the colorful wrap but she knew who it was from.

Unable to wait until she was inside, she found a seam and ripped the paper off, quickly opening the box. This time, there was no note just a small ornament. Sam laughed as she picked it up, holding it by the string attached to a ring in the figure's top.

Cookie Monster stared her in the eyes, one hand stuck in a cookie jar while another crammed cookies into his mouth. She traced his features for a second before carefully putting him back in his box for safe keeping.

She unlocked her front door and bent over, picking up her containers and going inside. Yep, this had definitely been the best day she'd had in a long, long time.


	4. Picking up the Pieces

Year Four Picking up the Pieces

Jack sat in the hard plastic chair, his eyes riveted on the figure in the bed. She was asleep and peaceful, the only movement the steady rise and fall of her chest.

Normally, he'd hate this. Hate her being unconscious. It was so unnatural for her to be so still. Even when she slept she was full of life and humor. He loved to watch her sleep, to enjoy the expressions play over her features, expressions that were unaltered by her normal self-control.

But right now he was happy to have her unconscious. Unconscious was better than dead. Unconscious had the promise of recovery while dead was….well dead.

He closed his eyes and he could still see her, slumping limply to the floor. He could see Doc dashing forward, probably skinning her knees when she knelt beside Sam. Rolling her over, Sam's arm flopping across her chest, all muscle tone gone. He knew what it meant as soon as he'd seen it. Once you make your acquaintance with Death, you never forget its face.

He killed her, murdered her. And then Doc just had to step in, had to try. Couldn't accept the reality of the situation.

He remembered a flurry of orders, her yelling for help while she pounded on Sam's chest, doing her best to cheat Death without realizing that Death didn't like to be cheated. And what did all her orders and tubes and defibrillators do? She just made it so that he'd have to do it again, have to kill Sam again.

As if once wasn't enough.

He still wasn't quite sure how they'd gotten her back. It didn't make any sense that her brain, no not her brain, HER. The part of her body that made her Sam Carter somehow left her body and survived in the computer main frame and, equally amazingly, was now back right where it belonged.

He still couldn't believe it, even after hearing her talk down in the MALP storage room, he still couldn't believe that she was back.

He wanted her to wake up, to smile and talk and confuse the crap out of him. But he also didn't want her to wake up. He didn't want to find out that something had gone wrong, that maybe not all of her had made it back. He wanted to keep his fantasy a while longer, keep the hope that she was back and she was whole and that she'd be fine. He didn't want to think about what he'd have to do if they were wrong, if Death would have the last laugh and that she wasn't all there.

She stirred slightly and Jack sat up, motioning for Doc to come over as he quietly got out of his chair and moved away. Frasier looked at him, glaring slightly before she turned her attention to Sam, picking up one of her slack hands to take her pulse. "Sam? Sam, honey, are you awake? Do you hurt anywhere?"

Sam's eyes fluttered open then shut and Jack saw pain cross her face. "Hurts."

"What hurts?" Janet pressed. "Your hand?" She picked up and examined Sam's right hand gently feeling around the gauze that covered her burn.

"Head," she breathed. "Cold." Her voice was thin and weak. It reminded Jack of when Charlie'd found the Halloween candy and proceeded to eat all of it himself.

"I'll get you a blanket," Janet said. "And something for your headache." Sam slowly rolled to her side and Janet helped, insuring that the IV didn't get tangled up in the sheets. "I'll be right back."

She walked to the other side of the infirmary and Jack followed. "Doc?" he asked softly.

She shrugged. "I don't know, sir," she said. "I have no experience with this."

"But her headache-"

"Could be just that," she interrupted. "All we can do is wait." She reached into a warming cabinet and pulled out a blanket. "In the meantime, why don't you help me out with this?" She shoved the blanket into his hands.

"Doc?"

"I have reports to write and Sam needs a blanket. Oh, and do me a favor sir, the noise might aggravate her headache. Why don't you pull the curtains, give her a little privacy."

"Cotton curtains are crap for sound proofing," Jack said, taking the blanket. "Besides, umm, it'd probably be better if I just-" He tried to give the blanket back to her but she pushed it back into his hands.

"Nonsense," she interrupted. "I need help, she needs help and you're here. Go give her a blanket. I'll go get her a shot and be right in."

Jack sighed, realizing that some things were worth arguing about and some weren't. Besides, he was going to have to face Sam eventually. He made his way back to Sam's bed and unfolded the blanket, carefully laying it over her. Janet appeared at his side, a syringe in hand. She picked up the tubing of Sam's IV and administered the shot. "She'll go to sleep in a few minutes," she said. Jack nodded. Janet pulled the blanket up almost tucking it under Sam's chin. "You know, her skin is a bit chilled. Let me know if she doesn't warm up. I can get her an electric blanket."

"How?" Jack asked.

Janet smiled. "Usually like this," she said, reaching out and grabbing Jack's hand. She lifted the blanket and laid his hand on Sam's arm.

"Doc…"

"You're doing me a favor, Colonel. There's no harm in that." She stepped away, turning back to smile at him. "I'll leave you two alone." She pulled the curtain shut and Jack stared after her for a second before he shrugged and sat down, one hand still under the blanket and lying on Sam's arm.

Her skin was cool and Jack instinctively rubbed his hand back and forth, trying to warm it up. She sighed softly and Jack looked, relieved to see some of the pain fading from her face. "You're gonna be ok," he said, giving up his idea of anonymity.

Her right hand moved and settled over his hand, her fingers lightly grasping his. He shifted his grasp, taking her hand in his while being careful not to exert too much pressure and aggravate her burn. "Real?" she breathed.

"Yeah, it's real," he said. "The whatever it was is gone. You're you and everything is going to be fine."

She smiled slightly and her fingers flexed in his again gripping his hand. She fell asleep and Jack watched her. He leaned forward, his other hand coming out to stroke her hair. Yeah, she was going to be ok.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 "Everything looks fine to me, Daniel," Jack said, looking over at his friend.

"It's not," Daniel insisted, putting his car into park. "And the problem's not her house, it's her."

"If Carter wasn't fine, Doc wouldn't have let her go home," Jack insisted, doing his best to hide his irritation.

"Janet can't fix everything," Daniel insisted. "Jack, just trust me on this."

"Fine," Jack agreed, unbuckling his seat belt. He got out of the car while Daniel did the same and they walked side by side up Sam's front walk. Jack studied his surroundings, looking for some sign of trouble. He found nothing, other than it looking like Sam had done some gardening recently, despite the fact that it was the middle of winter. It looked like her bushes were freshly pruned, a few stray leaves lay on the short, dormant grass.  Unlike her neighbors, her house was totally devoid of the normal holiday decorating that her whole block seemed to go for, but that didn't surprise Jack. In fact, that was normal for Sam. He'd be worried if he'd walked up and discovered her house covered in lights and tinsel.

He didn't want to admit it to Daniel, but it did seem a bit odd that she'd mess with pruning bushes just a couple of days out of the infirmary, but people coped in different ways. And if she was anything like him, she could have been driven outside out of sheer boredom. And it wasn't like the weather had been nasty. Despite the fact that it was a few days before Christmas, the temperatures were unnaturally warm and the sky sunny. If he didn't know it was December, he'd think it was October.

They climbed the steps onto her porch and Jack reached out, ringing the bell. "If she's asleep and pissed off, this was your idea," he warned Daniel. They waited for Sam to answer the door. And waited. And waited.

Daniel dug into his pocket and pulled out his keys. "Daniel," Jack warned as he reached forward, ready to stick the key into the lock.

"We've knocked. Besides, this is why we exchanged keys." He turned the key in the lock and opened the door, cautiously sticking his head in.

Once he was inside, Jack's training took over and he motioned for Daniel to stay back as he took point. He didn't hear a TV, so he checked out her bedroom first, finding it empty although the bed was mussed and unmade. He led the way into the living room raising his eyebrows at the sight of uneaten food littering her coffee table. He could identify the remains of at least two pizzas, several other frozen dinners and an assortment of bags of snacks, chips and crackers. There was an empty microwave popcorn bag on the floor and several bottles and cans of beverages.

"I'm having flashbacks to Animal House," Daniel said.

"You watched Animal House?"

"Who hasn't watched Animal House?"

Jack shook his head, giving up on the conversation. "Ok, I will give you this much. Carter's normally not this much of a slob. But a little food orgy does not a problem make."

"Teal'c would be hard pressed to eat all this," Daniel insisted. "I'm telling you, Jack, something's wrong."

Jack sighed. "Well, since she doesn't seem to be around…" He trailed off, his eyes catching sight of a flash of movement through the window. He watched Sam maneuver her Harley to a stop just in front of Daniel's car. Daniel turned on his heel and hurried out the door and Jack followed.

"Sam!" Daniel waved his hand.

"Hey guys!" She climbed off the bike and started up the walk. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Jack said, speaking up before Daniel could. If something was wrong with her then the last thing she needed was for her to know that they knew that something was wrong. "We just aah, just were in the neighborhood."

Daniel frowned. "We were…right, right, we were in the neighborhood, Jack and I and we just wanted to…we were in the neighborhood."

Sam frowned. "Right. Well, look, guys, I'm just on my way back out so-"

"Out where?" Jack asked, falling into step as she walked past him.

"Just out," she said, entering her house. She opened the hall closet and pulled out a jacket. "I wouldn't even have come back but I forgot my wallet," she said, digging in the pockets of the jacket. She pulled out the item, smiling widely. "Can't get very far without this."

Jack frowned. "No, you aah, so where are you going?" he asked, seeing what Daniel was concerned about.

She shrugged. "I don't know. Wherever I end up."

"Wherever you end up?" Jack asked slowly.

"Sam, are you sure that's a good thing to be doing?" Daniel asked.

"Why not?" she asked, pushing past them and moving into her living room. "It's my downtime; I can spend it how I like." She grabbed a bottle of diet Coke off the table, taking a sip before making a face. "Ick, flat." She strode into the kitchen and Jack followed, Daniel trailing behind him. He watched as she dumped the undrinkable soda into the sink and pulled another one out of the refrigerator, twisting the cap off. She took a long drink, tilting her head back. "That's better," she said, belching softly. "If someone could invent carbonation that never dies, they'd make a mint."

"Yeah, that'd be quite a feat," Jack said. "Are you sure you're in the mood to go for a ride? They're talking about rain for this afternoon."

Sam laughed. "I may be sweet, but I won't melt," she quipped. "And if it's gonna rain, I should not be wasting my time here." She shoved the half empty bottle into Jack's hands and hurried past him, heading back out the front door.

"Jack," Daniel said.

"Yeah, ok, you were right," Jack said hurriedly. He passed the bottle of soda off to him and jogged out of the house. Something was definitely wrong with Sam. "Sam!" he yelled. "Why don't you come back inside?"

"I just came from there!" she called out, climbing onto her bike. She shoved her key into the ignition and fired up the bike with a throaty roar. She looked over at him, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

In an instant Jack knew that he'd never be able to stop her, short of wrecking her bike. He ran forward, nearly throwing himself onto the bike behind her, barely missing singeing his leg on the manifold. "What are you doing?" she said, turning back to glare at him.

"Take me with you!"

"I don't want-"

"Sam," he interrupted. "Take me with you, please."

She stared at him for a second then grinned. "Hang on," she warned. "You fall off I'm not gonna come back and get you."

She kicked the bike into gear and Jack wrapped his arms around her waist, realizing that she wasn't kidding. Whatever weird mood she was in, he was in for one hell of a ride.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 "Ooh, ice cream," Sam said, turning back to look at Jack. "You want some?"

"Umm, no thanks," he said unenthusiastically.

She shook her head and finished crossing the bridge, easily snagging a place in line. She debated the proffered flavors, finally settling on a twist of pineapple and orange.

Sticking her change into her pocket she turned back, looking for Jack. He ambled towards her, his hands shoved in the pocket of his jacket. "You should try this," she said, holding out the cone. "It's really good."

"I'm still full from the cheeseburger and onion rings and slushy and oh yeah, those tacos and let us not forget the fudge," he said, frowning as he rubbed his stomach.

She rolled her eyes, ignoring his litany as she took another big bite of the ice cream. She closed her eyes, savoring the tart smoothness of the ice cream as it melted on her tongue.  She swallowed, listening to the whisper of the wind through the pines, the soft creak of the Royal Gorge bridge as it swayed, the far away shouts and laughs of the other visitors to the park. She took a deep breath, inhaling the scents of the ice cream, of pine and, she thought, the smell of French fries.

"Sam?" Jack grabbed her arm. "Are you ok?"

"Do you smell French fries?" she asked, ignoring his question as she opened her eyes.

"What?" He frowned at her.

"French fries," she repeated. "I wonder if they have chili? Doesn't chili cheese fries sound good?"

"Honestly? No," he said. He steered her towards a near by bench, urging her to sit down. "Besides, you haven't eaten your ice cream yet."

She took a couple of bites, realizing that he was right, her ice cream was melting. "How about Cripple Creek?" she said, still eating her ice cream cone.

"What about Cripple Creek?" he asked, looking over his shoulder at the Western horizon. "We could go there next. It's a great drive." She got down to the ice cream cone and took a bite, enjoying the crunchy texture of the baked confection.

"I think we should be more concerned with making it back to the Springs before it rains," he said, motioning towards the towering clouds. She'd noticed them building while she'd driven, but really hadn't cared. In fact, she'd found the contrast between the tall grey clouds and the jagged mountains to be rather enthralling. Something Jack had reminded her of more than once, grumpily urging her to keep her eyes, and attention, on the road.

She shrugged. "So we'll get wet."

"You're fresh out of the infirmary. You don't need to get wet. You'll catch a cold."

"That's a myth," she dismissed. "You don't catch a cold from getting cold." She reached the end of her cone and popped the last bit into her mouth, using a napkin to wipe her lips. She got to her feet. "I'm thirsty. Do you want something?"

Jack got to his feet. "Yeah, I want to go home."

"You're the one that invited yourself along," she said.

"I didn't realize you were going to take off on a cross country hike," he complained.

"You didn't ask. And I don't recall forcing you to come," she shot back, her good mood fading as quickly as the sun, shuttered behind the billowing clouds. She could hear another sound now, the distant rumbling of thunder.

"Let's go home," he said, reaching out to take her arm.

She shook him off. "No. I don't want to go home." A gust of cold wind blasted through the canyon, stirring up the dust and making the bridge sway visibly. A bolt of lightening split the sky the thunder following almost immediately. Heavy drops of rain began to fall and Sam pulled away, turning her face up to the sky. She closed her eyes, letting the cold water wash over her. Drop after drop pelted down as she stretched out her arms, opening herself up to the power of nature.

The rain ran down her face and under her shirt. She could feel it plastering her hair to her head, but she didn't care. She didn't care that it was cold and it was uncomfortable. She just cared that she was cold and uncomfortable. That she could feel the goosebumps rising on her arms. She reveled in the shivers that chased up and down her spine. She could feel and smell and hear and it was the most wonderful thing in the world.

"Sam!" Jack pulled on her arm. She ignored him, breathing in deep the scent of wet rocks and ozone. She could hear the thunder echoing throughout the canyon, the sound seeming to come from the very bowels of the Earth. "Sam!" He pulled harder, his grip bruisingly tight.

"Go away!" She yelled, angry at the interruption.

"No!" He shook her arm, pulling her off balance.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" she screamed, opening her eyes to glare at him.

"I will NOT leave you alone, damnit!" he yelled back, his hand still holding her arm. "I've almost lost you once this week and I will not do it again!"

She stared, his admission catching her off guard. She stared at him, the naked emotion and pain in his eyes making her pause. There was something there that she never thought she'd see again. She shook her head, afraid to dare to ask for confirmation. "Just leave me alone, Jack."

"I can't do that. Now please, let's get out of here," he begged, his voice low and desperate. The rain was coming down in sheets now, the wind driven rain soaking every crook and crevice. A gust of wind cut through the canyon and Sam shivered, her hands shaking. Suddenly defeated, she nodded. He released her arm and wrapped her hand in his. "Come on."

Jogging, he led her across the bridge over the deep chasm and towards where she'd parked her bike, the chill darkness a perfect example of her feelings.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Jack stood outside the hotel room door, struggling a bit to juggle two large plastic bags while digging to pull the key out of his pocket. He inserted it into the lock and entered the small room. Realizing that the storm was only going to get worse, and that neither of them needed to spend an hour on the back of a bike exposed to the rain, wind and chill of the storm, Jack had encouraged Sam to pull over at a local motel.

He'd booked them in for the night, then left her behind to warm up in the shower while he made a quick run through the local discount store, buying each of them a change of clothes and something to sleep in.

His cell phone rang and Jack dropped the bags on one of the beds, his hand going for the phone clipped to his belt. "Yeah, Daniel," he said, answering the phone after he glanced at the caller id. "No, we're in Canon City. Canon City," he repeated, looking over as Sam came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. He shrugged and dumped one of the bags out knowing that the clerk hadn't separated the clothes but rather bagged them together. "We went for a little bike ride."

Sam shot him a look then looked back down, dumping out the second bag. She pawed through the clothes and retreated to the bathroom, her pajamas and underwear in her arms. She shut the door and Jack turned his back, lowering his voice. "I think she's ok now," he said, finally answering Daniel's original question. "No, she wasn't drunk, just…having a moment," he said, trying to describe Sam's behaviors in the least offensive way possible. "No, look, we just got caught by the weather. We'll stay the night here and come back in the morning."

The bathroom door opened and he looked up, smiling at Sam. "Do me a favor would ya?" he asked Daniel. "Let Hammond know that I won't be in tomorrow. It's late or I'd call him myself. Yeah, thanks Daniel."

He snapped his phone shut and looked over at her. "Feel better?" he asked, setting the phone down on the dresser.

She shrugged. "I guess."

He frowned at her unenthusiastic response the sighed, realizing that he wasn't up to going into it, not yet. "I'm gonna go clean up," he said, taking off his jacket. He nodded towards the phonebook on the small table between the two queen size beds. "You still hungry?"  She shrugged again. "Well, I am. Can you order something please?"

"What do you want?"

"I doubt we'll find much beyond Chinese or Pizza that delivers," Jack said. "Whatever sounds good to you," he said bending over to take off his shoes and set them beside the small heater on the wall.

She nodded and pulled the phonebook over into her lap, flipping slowly through the pages. Jack looked at her for a second, then gathered the pair of sweat pants and t-shirt he'd purchased to sleep in and retreated into the bathroom.

He shut the door and peeled off his wet jeans and shirt realizing just how chilled he'd been. Leaving his wet clothes in a pile, he turned on the shower and got under the warm spray. He stood there for several minutes, letting the warmth soak into his muscles and bones.

Sam's behavior puzzled him as much as he found it intriguing. He couldn't recall ever seeing her as open and lighthearted as she had been most of the day. He wasn't used to seeing her like that, enthusiastic, openly smiling and friendly. Not that she was normally rude or anything, but he was used to seeing Captain or Major Carter. A woman always on her guard. Always with propriety in mind. Always dutiful and respectful. Well, mostly always.

Still, he got the idea that he'd actually spent time with Sam Carter today. Not the major, not the Air Force officer, but the woman. And he'd liked it, even if his stomach was still  protesting.

She'd been fun, impulsive and adventurous. And, apparently, a dare devil on that bike of hers. He smiled, remembering her laughing as she'd maneuvered her way up and down the twisty roads. She'd certainly enjoyed herself, even if he was sure that there were a few more grey hairs on his head thanks to her.

His smile faded as he realized just how unlike Sam Carter, Sam Carter had been acting. He turned off the water and got out of the shower, quickly drying off. He was now worried about leaving her alone. Especially since her mood earlier in the day was so high and up while, this afternoon, she was as down and depressed as he'd ever seen her. That's what was bugging him, the change was too much too fast.

He pulled his clothes on, barely taking the time to rip off the tags. He shouldn't have left her alone. For all he knew she could have grabbed her keys and got back on her bike and-

He pulled open the door and looked into the room, relieved to see a shape curled up in one of the beds. Jack sighed, releasing a breath he hadn't realized that he was holding. He ran his fingers over his hair, grimacing when they came back wet.

He stepped back into the bathroom and towel dried his hair before exiting again. He set the chain and deadlock on the door, then padded back across the room. He quietly pulled back the covers on the other bed, his eyes drifting over to Sam.

She was curled up in a ball, her legs drawn up so tightly that he thought it couldn't be comfortable. He crossed over to her bed and bent over, reaching out to touch her, driven by something he couldn't explain to verify that she was ok.

Her skin was cool and Jack's heart lurched, seeming to stop beating until he felt the steady thrum of a pulse under his fingers. "I'm cold," she muttered.

"Sam?"

"I'm cold, Jack," she said softly, still not looking at him.

"Scoot over," he said, reaching out to pull back the covers. He climbed in beside her, wrapping his body behind hers, his arms pulling her close. He felt her relax, sinking back against him and he closed his eyes, losing himself in the sensation of having her back in his arms again.

He smiled, memories of months ago filtering back into his mind. Afternoons on the beach when the weather was nice, time spent exploring Loren's castle when it rained. All in all, SG-1 had used their time marooned on P4X347 as a bit of a group holiday, occasionally punctuated by temper tantrums brought about by their withdrawal from the Light.

The group of them had done a lot of things together, walking, swimming, watching movies and playing board games. Of course, he and Sam had enjoyed a diversion that Jack was pretty sure Daniel and Teal'c hadn't.

Sam moved in his arms, turning over to face him. One hand settled on his chest. "Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Make love to me," she requested.

"What?" Jack opened his eyes, propping himself on one elbow to look at her. "Sam, what's going on?"

She tilted her head, glancing up at her. "I want you to make love to me," she repeated, her hand creeping down his chest to worm its way past the waistband of his sweats.

He reached down, wrapping his hand around her wrist. "Sam-"

"Jack. I'm not nuts, I'm not crazy. I'm sober and cognizant and I want you to make love to me," she interrupted, shifting her weight to roll him to his back with her on top. "Come on, you've never said no before."

"You haven't been acting like this before," Jack said, doing his best to ignore his body's reaction to Sam's nearness.

"Do you know what my last conscious thoughts were Jack? Before the entity pushed me out of my head?" She looked him straight in the eyes. "I had regrets. Things that I didn't do that I wish I had. It was a crappy feeling and one that I don't feel like experiencing again," she said seriously. "Jack, I don't want a wedding or a commitment, I just want…Jonah and Thera were fantastically happy and I want that, even if it's just for a little while."

"You're sure?" he asked, his hands settling at her waist.

"As sure as I was on P4X347," she replied, smiling widely. She lowered her head, kissing him soundly. Jack kissed her back, his hands sliding under her T-shirt and caressing her smooth skin. Somehow he knew that she wasn't the only one who needed this.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Sam strolled through the halls of the SGC, humming softly to herself. She glanced at her watch confirming that she'd still have time. Technically, she was early, she wasn't due to report for duty for another hour or so, but she didn't want to miss breakfast. And she had something to do before she met the rest of her team in the commissary.

Arriving at her goal she glanced up and down the hall, making sure that there were not witnesses. Within minutes her mission was complete and she walked back down the hall, her hands empty and a smile on her face. Waffles. That's what she'd have for breakfast she decided, summoning the elevator. This was definitely a waffle morning.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Jack pulled his keys out of his pocket cursing the overturned semi that had made his normal fifteen minute commute forty-five. He was late, and he was missing breakfast. He hadn't wanted to be late today, it was Sam's first day back on duty, even though it was also Christmas Eve.

Hammond thought she was nuts and wanted her to take the weekend off, but Jack had contradicted him, imploring the general to trust him and his judgment. As much as Jack personally felt that she needed the time off, he also knew that what she really needed was something to engage her mind and distract her from the events of the past couple of weeks.

And Jack had no intention of letting her overwork herself. All he needed to do was enlist Teal'c and Daniel into his plan, well aware that Sam wouldn't be able to turn down an invitation to gather at his house and pig out on Chinese while they watched a few movies.

He opened his office door and tossed his jacket onto the chair, fully intending to get down to the commissary before his team got done eating. He turned on his heel, then turned back when he caught sight of a small wrapped box on his desk.

Intrigued, he stepped forward and picked it up, turning it over in his hands before he pulled the ribbon off and took the lid off. Nestled in the white tissue paper was a small red glass heart. Jack picked it up, rubbing his fingers over its smooth surface.

He smiled, raising the heart to his lips for a light kiss before he returned it to the box. He carefully put the box in his desk drawer, safe but out of sight before he turned on his heel again, his thoughts of breakfast returning.

Humming between his teeth he made his way to the elevator. Yep, this was definitely a good day.


	5. Crisis of Faith

Year Five - Crisis of Faith

"Three," Jack said, holding up his hand with 3 fingers upraised. "Maybe towards the back?" he said, mindful that since Teal'c was with them, somewhere out of the way would probably be best. His Jaffa friend had come a long way in the past five years, but he still had his moments, and Jack was in no mood to spend dinner explaining some trivial matter to him and having to worry about being overheard.

The hostess nodded and picked up three menus, motioning for them to follow her. Jack walked through the restaurant, relieved to find it relatively empty. The place was a bit off the beaten path, a locally owned eating establishment that made up in quality and quantity what it lacked in ambiance.

The walls were plain wood paneling occasionally punctuated with posters of the surrounding mountain scenery or one of the many Colorado sports teams. The floor was covered with a thin patterned carpet in colors designed to disguise any stains and wear. A few battered ropes of tinsel hung from the corners and ornaments were scattered sporadically along the ceiling, dangling from fishing line so that it looked, at first glance, as if they were floating in the air. There was a tired looking Christmas tree in one corner, gaily wrapped - if slightly dented boxes - at its base. Jack thought it looked like the decorations a person put up when it was expected of them to decorate, not how it looked when someone really wanted to be in the spirit.

"How's this?" the hostess asked, standing beside a booth in the back.

Jack looked back at Sam and Teal'c and, seeing no protest, accepted the hostess' choice. "It's great, thanks."

She nodded and laid the menu's down on the table. "Mindy will be your waitress. She'll be here shortly."

"Thanks."

She walked back up to the front of the restaurant and Jack slid out of his jacket, tossing it into the corner of the booth.

"I'll be right back," Sam said. She walked past him and made her way to the rest rooms. Jack slid into the booth while Teal'c sat across from him, his massive bulk taking up a good chunk of the seat.

"You did not expect Major Carter to join us?" Teal'c asked, picking up the menu.

Jack shrugged. "You never know," he dismissed not wanting to take up the topic. To say that his relationship with Sam was tense was an understatement. A year ago, after her encounter with the entity he'd actually thought that things were getting serious. And maybe they were. But after Orlin their relationship had taken a decidedly cooler turn. She stopped calling him, started to withdraw from their group activities and, more than once Jack half expected her to ask to be reassigned. She said that she didn't take his actions personally, but Jack felt that maybe she did. Maybe she felt that he'd betrayed her, hell that they all had betrayed her.

A lot of that had changed when she'd been kidnapped. Jack didn't think he could ever forgive Conrad, not for how much he'd hurt her and not just physically. There was a shadow in Sam's eyes now that hadn't been there a few months ago. She was wary, seeming to trust few and, he thought, she only relaxed when she was in her lab, tucked safely behind several layers of security.

In many ways, he was more worried about her now than he was a few months ago. She seemed more fragile than she had been with Orlin and, Jack thought, so afraid of being sent for another psych evaluation that she was doing her best to hide it from them.

All of which only made his recent behaviors all the more unforgivable.

"O'Neill," Teal'c said, pulling Jack's attention back to the present. "Although you do not share Major Carter's feelings, it might be prudent to respect them."

"What?" Jack asked, caught off guard by his friend's candor.

"It is the duty of a friend to assist another in a time of need," he said softly.

"I know," Jack agreed realizing that Teal'c only had Sam's best interest in mind, and that he was her friend too. Teal'c raised his eyebrows, clearly not believing him.

"Hi, what can I get you guys to drink?" a cheerful voice interrupted. Jack turned his head to see a broadly smiling young woman. She had a Santa cap perched on her brown curls and was way too cheerful for Jack's peace of mind.

"Two beers, whatever's on draft, and a water," he ordered.

"I'll get that for you and be right back," she said. Just as she left, Sam returned, her jacket over her arm. She paused for a second realizing that she'd have to choose which of them to sit with. With a shrug, she laid her jacket on the back of the booth beside Jack.

He scooted over to give her room and she slid into the booth next to him. "You ok?" he asked, trying to study her as much as he could from the awkward angle he was at. She was a little pale, her features slightly drawn and tight. He knew that she'd had one hell of a day. She hadn't gone into a lot of detail about her time with Osiris, but Jack also knew that zat blasts hit her a lot harder than she liked to admit. When you add that to a couple of rounds with a ribbon weapon, he figured that she had to be feeling rather puny right about now. He tempered his concern with the fact that Doc would have kept her in the infirmary if there'd been a need.

Jack knew from experience that the best prescription for Sam was a good meal and a decent night's rest. Given their current situation, he couldn't do much about the latter, but he could give the former his best.

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine." She picked up the menu, opening it. "What are you guys gonna have?"

"Steak," Jack said. "The one that's about yay thick." He held up his hand, his thumb and forefinger about an inch apart.

"I shall consume that as well," Teal'c said.

"I don't know if I'm that hungry," she shrugged.

"It's been a long day, have a steak," Jack urged. Neanderthal or not, to Jack, a good meal meant meat and potatoes, not the rabbit food that Sam seemed to prefer. At least, he consoled himself, if she went for the salad the portions here were large enough that she'd get a good meal out of it.

"Here we go, two drafts and a water," Mindy said, setting the three glasses on the table. "Are you guys ready to order or do you need a few more minutes?"

Jack reached for his beer, shoving the other one in front of Sam while Teal'c took his water. "Sam?"

"Go ahead," she said.

"Ten ounce sirloin, medium rare, baked potato," Jack ordered.

"I wish to order the sixteen ounce steak," Teal'c said.

"How ya want that cooked?"

"He'll take it medium rare, baked potato," Jack said.

"Ok, and you?"

"Chicken fried steak," Sam ordered, folding the menu closed. "With mashed potatoes and gravy."

"Great, I'll get those started," Mindy said. "It shouldn't take long, we're not that busy." She collected the menus and left them alone.

Sam took a sip of her beer and sat it down with a sigh. "I guessed," he said. "We can get you something else if you'd rather."

"That's ok," she said, taking another sip. "It kinda tastes good."

Jack nodded and took a sip of his own beer. "So, what do you think will happen to Thor?"

Sam looked over, surprised at the topic. She glanced around, looking for someone close enough to overhear. This was another reason Jack had asked for a table in the back. The closest occupied table was at least twenty feet away making anyone overhearing them rather unlikely. She shrugged. "If they can't repair the damage, then he's gone."

"I thought with that whole transferring thing they could fix him."

"No, sir." Sam shook her head. "It's like…if you have two cars and only one engine. If the engine is fried, it doesn't matter what chassis it's in, it still won't run."

"Don't they like ever do a backup?" Jack asked. "I mean, when we had that one bug you shut down the system and restarted things from the backup."

"There is no back up of Thor," she said. "I suggested the same thing to Freyr but…in one of their recent encounters with the bugs that database was destroyed. They hadn't had time to recreate it."

Jack sighed. "Damn, I'm gonna miss the little guy."

Sam smiled sadly. "Yeah, he was pretty good for a…well you know."

"Indeed," Teal'c said. "He was a valiant warrior and will be missed."

Jack picked up his glass. "To Thor," he toasted. Sam and Teal'c did the same, touching glasses with a clink before taking a drink.

A few minutes later, Mindy appeared at their table with their food and conversation dwindled to short remarks and requests for condiments. Half an hour later, Jack leaned back in the booth, setting down his fork as he watched Sam take another bite of the chocolate cake he had deliberately ordered, then 'discovered' that he hadn't had room for.

"I talked to Hammond today," he said, broaching the subject he'd been avoiding all day. "He's offered us a couple of store rooms on one of the lower levels for Daniel's stuff."  Sam's fork froze in mid-bite and she stared in fascination at the tabletop. "We can even have a truck and some airmen to help with the heavy stuff. There might not be room for all his furniture but I figure each of us can take a bit of we need to."

Sam carefully set the fork down and folded her hands in her lap. "I believe Daniel Jackson would approve of that plan," Teal'c said.

"His lease for his apartment isn't up for a couple more months, so we have time on that. But we do need to work on his office," Jack continued, keeping his eyes on Sam. She had yet to react. Her lack of response worried him. Part of him wanted her to be angry. Sam had one weakness, when she got angry, she tended to forget herself and speak what was on her mind. Which was probably why she so rarely lost her temper. He could provoke her he knew. Five years of friendship and comradeship gave him the knowledge of precisely which buttons to push.

But he didn't have the heart to do it, not right now. She looked far too tired and drawn, even after the meal. It would be cruel to push her here in public. But he still knew that she needed to accept the fact that Daniel was gone and the sooner she did that, the better it would be. He made a show of looking at his watch. "We should call it a night," he said, raising his hand to wave at Mindy.

She brought over the check and he pulled out his wallet handing her a credit card. "My treat," he told Sam when she opened her eyes to look at him. She nodded, pushing back the cake plate and drinking the last sip of her beer.

Mindy returned with the charge slip and Jack signed it, returning the credit card to his wallet. Sam slid out of the booth stumbling a little bit as she reached for her coat. "Sam? You ok?" Jack asked, concerned.

"Just tired," Sam said, her lips curving into a thin smile.

"Let me drive you home," Jack offered, now regretting ordering her a beer. He'd wanted her to relax a bit, but not so relaxed that she couldn't get herself home.

"I'm ok," she insisted.

Jack reached for her arm, grabbing it gently. "You don't want to wrap your car around a phone pole," he said, lowering his voice. "Teal'c can drive my truck, I'll drive you home."

"Sir-"

"Sam, please, indulge me in this."

She sighed and stuck her hand in her pocket, pulling out her car keys. Jack took them from her and repeated the gesture, giving his own keys to Teal'c. "O'Neill?"

"Why don't you go back to the mountain? I'll take Sam home, then drive her car to my place and pick her up in the morning."

Teal'c nodded. "As you wish."

They walked out into the parking lot and Jack hunched his shoulders, realizing that the temperature had dropped significantly while they'd eaten. He watched Teal'c climb up into his truck consoling himself that his truck was a hell of a lot easier to drive than a school bus.

Jack walked up to Sam's car and unlocked the passenger door, holding it open for her. The fact that she didn't protest as she got in only confirmed that he was making the right choice. He rounded to the other side and folded himself behind the wheel thankful that Sam was only a few inches shorter than he was so that the seat was adjusted close enough for him to get by.

He shoved the key in the ignition and started the car, reaching out to turn off the fan. "No need to blow around cold air," he said, explaining his actions.

She didn't reply, simply pulled the seat belt around her and snapped it into place. Jack did the same and put the car into gear, carefully backing out of the parking space. Realizing that there wasn't going to be a lot of conversation during the drive, he turned up the radio, filling the small space with the sounds of an old rock song.

He drove quickly through the streets of Colorado Springs, the late hour meaning that traffic was relatively light. Feeling the first trickling of heat, he turned up the fan, trying to warm up the car. Twenty minutes later he pulled up in front of Sam's house and parked the car. He turned off the ignition and looked over at Sam. Her movements were slow and sluggish, like she was on the verge of falling asleep.

Jack got out of the car and walked around to her side opening her door just as she reached for the handle. "Let's get you to bed," he said, reaching out to take her arm.

She pulled her arm free and held out her hand, wanting her keys back. Jack gave them to her and followed her as she walked up the short sidewalk. She unlocked the door and pushed it open, glaring at Jack when he followed her, shutting the door behind his back. "Come on," he said as he ushered her towards her bedroom.

"Jack, I don't need a babysitter."

"Indulge me," he repeated. He needed to do this probably as much as she needed it. He needed to prove to himself that she was ok. That his bullheadedness hadn't caused her any permanent harm.

His gut still clenched when he remembered her falling off the platform, victim of the enemy's zat. He'd come close to losing her today, too damn close. All because he just HAD to go on a mission, even though he knew damn good and well that she wasn't ready. He honestly hadn't cared, he just needed the diversion, needed to get away from it all.

"Only because I'm too damn tired to kick your ass," she said. She led him into her bedroom and tossed her coat on the chair. She picked up her pajamas and glared at him, stalking past him to retreat into the bathroom to change.

Jack stood there for a second, feeling incredibly helpless. Clutching onto something to do, he pulled back the covers on her bed, piling up the pillows the way she liked them.  Sam came out of the bathroom and paused, rolling her eyes. She tossed her clothes on top of her coat and padded over to the bed, crawling under the covers. She rolled over, facing away from him. Jack pulled up the comforter and tucked her in, taking a moment to sit on the side of the bed. "Sam, I'm sorry I was such an ass today," he apologized. She ignored him and he sighed, bending over to kiss her cheek. "I'll come by about 0800. We can go get some breakfast."

He got up and walked out of the room. "I can't just stop missing him," she said just as he reached the door.

He paused. "I don't expect you to."

Getting no response, he pulled the bedroom door nearly shut and made his way out of the house, picking up her car keys from the hall table.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Sam took a sip of her coffee, nodding at Siler as she passed him in the halls. Today felt like a good day. She'd slept well last night, amazingly waking up barely half an hour before Jack had arrived to take her to breakfast.

He'd taken her to his favorite place, a small 'hole in the wall' restaurant with Formica counters and a grill that probably came over on the Mayflower, and hadn't been thoroughly cleaned since World War II. Of course, what it lacked in atmosphere and chic it made up for in good simple food.

Two solid meals and a good night's sleep had done a lot to improve her mood. She still missed Daniel, still couldn't believe that he was gone but, just like the last time she'd been shot, the gaping hole was slowly filling in, slowly becoming more tolerable and less painful. There'd always be a scar but, maybe, she wouldn't feel it every time she moved.

Two men walked out of one of the offices ahead and Sam frowned, wondering if she'd just seen what she thought she'd seen. She hurried forward, entering the room without knocking. "What are you doing?" she demanded, staring in horror at the three men rifling through Daniel's stuff. She could tell that things had been moved and rearranged. They looked up at the sound of her voice, clearly caught off guard.

"Ma'am?"

"I asked you a question, Lieutenant," Sam said, letting her rancor creep into her voice. "What are you doing in here?"

"Ma'am we're aah-"

"You're what?" she interrupted. "Looking for souvenirs? Shopping for office furniture? Gonna see what you can scavenge?" she asked, her good mood fading in an instant.

"No, ma'am, it's not like that-" the lieutenant stuttered, fumbling with an artifact in his hand.

"Then what precisely is it like?" Sam demanded. She stalked forward and yanked the item out of his hand, clutching it to her chest. "This stuff is not yours. You have no right to come in here and go through this stuff. It's not yours!"

"Major, if you will just let us explain," one of the other men said, stepping forward.

"Yes, Captain. Maybe you would like to explain to me what you're trespassing," Sam said, turning to face the young captain. He had Daniel's notebook in his hand and Sam reached for it, pulling it out of his grasp.

"Major, we're just following orders-"

"Who the hell gave you orders to come in here and start digging through things?"

"I did." Sam turned, her gaze narrowing when it settled on Jack. "Captain, would you and your team excuse us please?" he asked.

The captain nodded. "Yes, sir." He motioned for his men to follow him and retreated from the room.

Jack reached back and closed the door before standing in front of Sam, his arms crossed  over his chest. "Captain Halsey is following my orders," he said.

"I thought we were going to do this?" Sam asked, fighting her feelings of betrayal.

"We are."

"It doesn't look that way." Sam stalked to the other side of the room. "Daniel had a system. He knew where every piece of paper was. They're messing it all up!"

"Sam-"

"You couldn't even wait could you?" She interrupted, giving into the anger that had been eating at her for the past couple of days.

_He's gone. We've got work to do._

"Do you even care?" she asked. "Or are you pissed off that him dying just gave you more paperwork to do?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Did you really hate him that much?" she asked, his blank expression serving only to inflame her anger.

"I don't hate him!" Jack yelled.

"Then why? Why are you doing every thing you can to erase his very existence?" she demanded, stalking back over to him. She held up the artifact, waving it in front of his face. "This is his stuff!"

"NO, it's not!" Jack stepped forward and took the small totem from Sam's hands. "This is some piece of crap that SG-5 picked up two weeks ago. They've been waiting for Daniel to tell them what the hell it was so that Hammond could determine whether or not the planet was worth a second look. That obviously can't happen now. My orders to them were to come and retrieve this junk and take it over to Nyan and make him finally start earning his keep." Jack set the statue negligently down on the table and reached out, taking Sam by the shoulders. "I'm not trying to make him go away."

"Then why can't we talk about him? Why is it, every time I bring him up, you turn away or shut me down? Why do you want to pack all his stuff up and make it go away? I'm afraid to even mention her name!"

Jack stared at her, his eyes narrowing. "Her?"

"What?"

"You said her," he said, his hands tightening on her shoulders. "That's what Jacob did wasn't it?"

Sam shook her head, the abrupt change in topic catching her off guard. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"What'd he do? Pack up all her stuff? Give it away? Throw it away? Take all the pictures off the walls?" Jack asked softly.

"We're talking about Daniel," Sam said, ignoring the memories his words dredged up.

Garbage bags stacked up in the entryway.

Bare nails on the walls.

Icy looks and awkward silences.

 "I don't think we are," Jack said slowly. "Because I remember Sara doing the very same thing with Charlie's stuff." He let her go and sank down on a nearby stool. "That was something we fought about, almost as much as we did about how goddamn stupid I was to have my gun in the house." He looked up at her, raw pain in his dark eyes. "She wanted to pack his stuff away. Give it to charity, but I couldn't." He shrugged. "I just couldn't let go. Sam, I don't want to pack up Daniel's stuff to make him go away, I want to pack it up to keep it safe. Whenever he comes back I want it to be here, all of it, waiting for him."

He got to his feet and walked over to her, this time taking her arms in a gentler grasp. "I couldn't do anything to save his life. All I could do was stand there like some goddamn idiot and watch him die. And I can't even begin to understand this whole glow fish thing. But the one thing I can do is make sure that if he comes back…when he comes back," he corrected at her sharp look. "That all his crap is waiting for him."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, his words striking her to the core. "I tried. I really tried."

"Sam?"

"I wanted to help him, I wanted to fix him but it just…"

"Sam?"

"It's not fair. I could fix Cronos but I couldn't…" Her own sense of failure overwhelmed her.

"Oh god." Jack pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her.

"I killed him," she muttered against his chest.

"You didn't kill him. Hell, Selmac couldn't help him. And if Selmac couldn't do it no one could."

"He wasn't as bad off when I tried and-"

"Weren't you listening to Doc?" Jack asked, pushing her back a bit. "He was dead the second he shot out that glass. Nothing short of a sarcophagus could have fixed him."

"You don't know that. Maybe I could have…"

"What? You could have what? Do you know how fucked up he was inside? His organs were turning into jelly. So what if you'd have stopped it, then what? To have him die of infection because all his bone marrow was dead? Or have some souped up cancer eat him alive? He's off doing what he's always wanted to do, go stick his nose in everyone else's business."

Jack smiled grimly. "I'm glad it didn't work. I'm gonna miss him like hell but…I think he'd rather be off doing whatever the hell he's doing than to be stuck here, trapped in a dying body."

Sam slowly nodded and closed her eyes, trying to ignore the tears that choked her throat. She felt Jack pull her close again and she sank into him, taking comfort from his warm presence. "Ssh, ssh, it's ok. It's ok," he crooned, one hand stroking her back.

She stood there for several minutes, allowing herself the luxury of his comfort. She didn't care that they were on base. Didn't care that it was wrong. Didn't care that anyone could walk in and see them.

She felt his arms loosen and she sniffled, acknowledging that the moment was over. "I should probably find Captain Halsey and-"

"He'll understand," Jack interrupted. "Sam, no one but us is going to pack up Daniel's things. And you have my word, we're going to pack up every last piece of paper and keep everything for him, no matter how long it takes him to come back. I swear to you, I'm not trying to forget him or make him go away," he said honestly.

Sam grinned, aware of what he was doing. "Thank you."

"You know, I didn't come down here to save you from kicking Halsey's ass." Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. "This is for you."

"Jack?" Sam frowned, staring at the small white box.

"Just open it." She took it from him and pulled off the top. She folded back the tissue paper and stared at the tiny item within.

"What is it?" she asked, picking up the small item. She could tell by the smell that it was made of cedar. The letters of Daniel's name were cut out probably with a jig saw creating the appearance of a small ribbon of wood folding in and upon itself to create his name.

"The Jaffa got this belief. As long as you remember a warrior's name, they never die."

Fresh tears welled up as Sam's finger traced the ribbon of wood, feeling the smooth surface under her fingertips. It felt warm, almost as if it was alive. Almost as if it contained the spirit of the person whose name it spelled.

"He'll be back, Sam," he said. "Don't ask me know I know but…he'll be back."


	6. Disintegration

Year Six- Disintegration

The snow was heavy and wet, clinging tightly to the bare trees and shrubs in front of Sam's house. He trudged up her front walk noting that he would have to get out with a snow shovel eventually. Inches of the white stuff covered Sam's car and Jack could barely see signs of her foot prints in the snow, testifying that she had to have been home for a couple of hours at least.

He climbed the short flight of steps onto Sam's porch and shuffled his briefcase to his other hand, digging into his pocket to pull his keys back out, using them to unlock her front door. "Honey, I'm home!" he called out, more to annoy Sam than to warn her. He closed the door behind him and set his bags down in the hall before sticking his head into the living room.

"Hey," Sam said, walking in from the kitchen a can of Diet Coke in her left hand while her right arm was still encased in the protective sling meant to, according to Doc, help Sam protect the severe burn she'd picked up on her shoulder. "Is it still snowing?" she asked as she crossed over to him giving him a peck on the cheek.

"Like crazy. I hope you have something edible in the freezer, I doubt we're going to get any take out." Jack kissed her back, taking care not to bump her injured arm.

"I'm sure we can come up with something," she said, smiling at him. "May not be gourmet but I doubt we'll starve." She walked past him and sank down onto the sofa, turning so that she could stretch out across the cushions. "Since you're home, can I presume that you guys got rid of Mot?" she asked, taking a sip of her coke.

Jack set his overnight bag down and shrugged off his jacket, tossing it onto the back of the armchair. "Yep. The Marines are still there, along with SG-10. I think Hammond's talking about letting Frasier set up a humanitarian mission once we know things are secure."

"That'll be good," she said. "How's Jonas doing?"

"The same. Frasier's gonna let him go in a few days."

"So, Christmas in the infirmary," she said, sitting up to look at him.

"Looks like it."

"We should do something," she said.

"Like what?"

She shrugged with one shoulder. "I don't know. Bring him dinner? Maybe some presents? Last year I think he kinda got forgotten at Christmas because it was…well bad timing. So, technically, this is his first Christmas, on SG-1 at least," she rambled.

"I thought you didn't do Christmas," he reminded.

"This is different," she insisted, ignoring his teasing. Personally he thought she was loosening up a bit on her 'No Christmas' stance. Unless he was sorely mistaken the candle sitting in the middle of her coffee table had a distinct Christmassy look to it, as did the red placemats on her breakfast bar.

"You want to do something, we'll do something," he said. "Although I reserve the right to change my mind if there's eighteen inches of snow on the ground in the morning."

"You're no fun," she said, getting up from the couch. "Do you want to see what you can scrounge for dinner? I want to take a quick bath."

"Not a problem," he said. She smiled and padded towards the back of the house. Jack watched her go, taking a moment to savor the fact that he COULD watch her. To say that the last year had been turbulent was an understatement. In many ways he felt much like he did the first year after the Abydos mission, right before Samuels dragged him back into the SGC. Like he was in a time of renewal and new beginnings. He and Sam were…well they weren't quite living together. In any given week he spent about as much time in his own house as he did hers.

When they were together, they weren't always TOGETHER, but Jack actually found that he preferred it that way. It gave him hope that their relationship wasn't just about sex and had the chance to be more, to become something more.

Realizing that Sam wouldn't be in the tub forever, and that her injuries precluded him from joining her, Jack got to his feet and made his way into the kitchen. He riffled through her cabinets finally deciding on some pasta and canned sauce. He set some water on to boil and got out two plates and silverware then figured that he should let Sam know what was for dinner.

Leaving the kitchen he went down the hall and knocked on the bathroom door. "Hey, you still alive in there?"

"Why don't you come in and find out?" she invited.

Jack opened the door and stepped in. "Hope you're in the mood for pasta," he said.

"Sounds good," she said. "Wanna scrub my back?"

Jack smiled. He'd been hoping that he'd get an invitation. He walked over to the tub and Sam stretched out her left arm, a dripping scrubby in her good hand. Her right shoulder was bandaged from her shoulderblade on the back all the way around to the front and down her arm. Jack knew that it looked worse than it was. He had absolute faith in Doc. She wouldn't have let Sam go home if she was worried about her.

He dipped the scrubby in the water and gently scrubbed Sam's back, being careful to keep her bandage dry, as well as not to put too much pressure on the bruises he could see on her back. "You just had to get bored and play with the gate didn't ya?" he asked.

She glanced over, glaring at him slightly. "Who was the one that made me stay home?" she asked.

"Hammond."

"You could have talked him out of it."

Jack sighed. "Sam, we were erring on the side of caution."

"I thought you didn't believe in stuff like Jonas seeing the future?"

"I don't."

"Then why-"

"Even if I think it's crap, I can't deny that he nailed it a few times." Jack shrugged. "We made a judgment call."

She shook her head. "Yeah, you did. The water's getting cold."

"Right," Jack said, recognizing a diversion when he saw it. He dipped his hands in the water and carefully rinsed off her back before moving back to give her room to get out of the tub. He plucked a towel off the rack and held it out as Sam got out of the water. She turned around and Jack frowned, catching sight of an odd bruise as he wrapped her in the towel. "Where did that come from?" he asked, staring at her chest. There was an irregular purple smudge between her breasts.

"They've been there all along, as you well know," she said, struggling a bit to dry herself one handed. Jack helped her out, blotting the water off her arms and legs.

"No," he said. "I get the bruises on your back, that's where you landed but, how the hell did you hit yourself there?"

"Oh," she said, trailing the fingers of her left hand over the darkened skin. "I think Janet did it."

"Doc did that? What'd you do to piss her off?"

"I got electrocuted and made her work," she said dryly. "Can I have my clothes now?" Jack picked up her pajamas and helped her into them, ignoring her glare when he held out the sling. "I don't need that."

She walked past him and opened the door. Jack shrugged and followed her into the kitchen. He could see that the water was boiling nicely and he applied himself to opening the bag of pasta noodles, pouring them into the water. Sam sat down at the table and propped her head in one hand while Jack opened the jar of sauce. He poured it into the sauce pan and turned on the heat. "Do you have any bread?" he asked. "I could make garlic toast."

She shook her head. "Afraid not. I'm gonna go get my robe. It's a little chilly in here." She slid off the chair and went back to her bedroom and Jack picked up one of her wooden spoons, stirring the sauce so that it didn't stick.

_'I think Janet did it.'_

What the hell did she mean Janet did it? What was Doc doing beating on people? It didn't make any sense. That wasn't any treatment for a burn that he'd ever heard of.

Sam returned wrapped in her heavy robe and with slippers on her feet. She was carrying her can of Diet Coke and pulled a glass out of the cupboard as Jack turned off the burners. He set the sauce aside and carried the pan of noodles over to the sink.

"What do you want to drink?" she asked, opening the freezer door. She dropped a handful of ice cubes into the glass and poured the remainder of the can over it.

"Coke would be good," he said as he drained the pasta and spooned it onto the plates, ladling a liberal amount of sauce over it.

Sam served him up a glass of coke then claimed her seat as he did the same. "It smells good," she remarked, picking up her fork.

"I like this kind that has the meat in it," Jack said, picking up his fork and taking a big bite. He glanced out of the corner of his eye and noticed that she struggled a bit using her left hand. "I shoulda made something else," he said.

"What?" Sam looked over to him, a couple of the noodles sliding off her fork.

"It sucks to eat with your left hand."

"Trust me, it's not the first time. Besides, I'm motivated. I'm hungry." She punctuated her words by stabbing at the pile of pasta and lifting a full fork to her mouth.

Jack let the topic drop and returned his attention to his own dinner, cleaning his plate in just minutes. He got up and walked over to the sink. "You want seconds?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I don't think so. I have ice cream in the freezer for later."

Jack shrugged and dished up the last of the pasta and sauce onto his plate taking a moment to run some water into the sauce pan. Sam finished her dinner and slid off her stool. "I'll get those," he offered as she set her dirty plate into the sink.

"I'll take you up on that," she said. While Jack finished eating he watched her drink the last of her coke and set the glass on the counter. She retrieved more ice and another can of Diet Coke and made herself another drink. "I'm gonna stick a movie in."

"I need to finish some paperwork for Hammond," Jack said, hitting his limit on the pasta.  He got to his feet. "Go ahead and get started and I'll join you in a bit."

She went into the living room while Jack quickly did the dishes, the task taking him only a few minutes. He walked past the living room where Sam was digging through her DVD racks, looking for something to watch. Jack continued on, picking his briefcase up from where he'd left it in the entryway.

Bringing reports out of the mountain wasn't exactly something that Hammond encouraged, however it was something that he tended to turn a blind eye to. And it was also a case of rank having its privileges.

All in all, Jack didn't have a whole lot to do. He still needed to write his report on the mission to P4S237 and Mot's death. Also his suggestions for a further plan of action. And he needed to catch up on things that had happened while he'd been off world, including Frasier's reports on Jonas and Sam.

Hearing the familiar opening music of one of his favorite movies, Jack pulled the sheaf of reports out of his briefcase and headed back towards the living room. His own report wasn't due for several days so he granted himself the luxury of doing a little reading while he watched TV.

He knew that Frasier had probably given Sam some pain killers and, taking into account that his own body clock was a little off kilter from being off-world, he expected to be awake for several more hours yet. He'd have time enough to do his own writing once Sam headed off to bed.

Jack settled down in the arm chair, rolling his eyes as Cate Blanchett's voice filled him in on Frodo's back story. "You're not going to spend the whole night nit picking the special effects are you?" he asked.

"Only if you refrain from nitpicking their battle tactics," she shot back, giving him a dirty look.

"You just have the hots for Orlando Bloom," Jack teased.

"He reminds me too much of Daniel," Sam said. "I prefer Strider."

"I thought you didn't like grungy," Jack said.

"Shut up and do your work," she ordered, lobbing one of the throw pillows at him.

Jack grinned and turned his attention to the reports, filtering out the sounds of the movie as he caught up on all he'd missed. Frasier's report on Jonas was a lot of gibberish, words way too long to be real so Jack scanned to the summary, pleased to read that, barring complications, she hoped to release him to his quarters in a few days and light duty in about three weeks. Jack knew that it'd probably be a couple of months before Jonas was up to gate duty, of course it'd probably be a couple of weeks before Sam was ready too which meant that he and Teal'c probably wouldn't be pressed to find a temporary replacement but, most likely, kept off active duty.

Jack really didn't mind being on downtime. Maybe, if things worked out right, he and Sam could spend a little time together, maybe even head up to Denver for the weekend. Fireworks erupted on the screen and Jack set Jonas' report down, picking up Sam's instead. Surprisingly, Sam's wasn't much shorter, and it was more than Jack expected for a simple electrical burn.

She really needed to be more careful, this was her third in as many years. Maybe that's what he could get her for Christmas, a pair of rubber electrician's gloves. Then again, she might not get the joke. A string of words leapt off the page and Jack stared, reading them again.

 Patient went into v-fib at 1635; after immediate defibrillation at 200 joules she converted back to normal sinus rhythm. Her condition was stable and after treatment of the second degree electrical burn to the right shoulder and upper arm, she was held overnight for observation. After an uneventful night, the wound was checked and redressed. There were no signs of infection and her vital signs remained stable. Major Carter was discharged and cleared for light duty.

 "Sam," he said slowly. "How exactly did you get hurt?" he asked.

"What?" She turned to glance at him, her mind clearly engrossed in the movie.

"How did you get hurt?" he repeated.

"Siler and I were overhauling the gate generator. A capicator blew. Siler was rather impressed with my hang time," she grinned.

"You went into cardiac arrest," he said, her humor doing little to improve his mood.

"Yeah," she said slowly, her grin fading. She sat up on the couch, swinging her feet down to the floor.

"Sam, you died!"

"No," she corrected. "Asystole is dead. I was in V-fib. It means my heart was just kinda quivering like jello," she said wiggling her hand.

"God!" Jack exclaimed, running his hands over his hair. "How can you be so damn glib?"

"How can you be so damned worked up over it?"

"Why didn't you say something?"

"It never came up," she said, her voice rising to meet his. "Besides you have the reports."

"I don't give a damn about the reports," Jack said, tossing the papers onto the coffee table.  "I care about you."

"Jack, I'm here. I'm fine," Sam said.

"What the hell were you doing messing around with that crap anyway?" he asked, shooting to his feet. "That's what we have techs for."

"Techs that I'm in charge of," she said, getting to her feet. "And techs that you don't want to deal with when you want me to 'fix it'!" She walked over to stand almost toe to toe with him. "And can I remind you that I wouldn't have been doing the maintenance if you would have let me go on the mission in the first place!"

"Hammond and I had a damned good reason for keeping you on the base!"

"Yes, if I recall correctly it was a psychic vision. What's this really about?" she asked. Jack shook his head. "No, don't you deny it. This is about more than me not telling you every little thing I did while you were off playing hero."

"Dying is not a LITTLE thing."

"I didn't die! What the hell are you going to do Jack? Wrap me up in cotton wool for the rest of my life? I was doing my job. Just like you do."

"My job is to keep you alive!"

"NO! Your job is to keep your TEAM alive. All of us. And no single one of us should ever be more important that the other."

"You're not!"

"Bull shit!" she yelled. "Would you have made Teal'c stay behind if Jonas had seen him getting hurt?"

"Yes!"

"Would YOU have stayed behind?" She challenged. "Yeah, didn't think you were going to answer that," she said when he paused. "I am a Major in the United States Air Force. My job requires that I take risks. If you can't deal with that, then maybe you need to find another girlfriend."

She turned on her heel and stalked back to her bedroom. Jack winced as the door slammed. "Great, just great," he muttered.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 The slamming door echoed behind her and Sam stood there, her heart still racing. How dare he! How dare he lecture her on being careful. Mister 'I'll fly the gate off Earth', 'Teal'c and I will take on a whole mother ship to rescue Coombs', 'We'll go play bait for Tanith', 'Teal'c and I will go rescue Thor, you stay here with Heimdal', 'I'll let them suck my brain, yours is more valuable'.

"Taking deathgliders for test flights," she muttered, kicking petulantly at a dirty shirt on the floor. "Don't lecture me about risking my life, Mister Suicide Mission. Maybe if you weren't spending all your time watching my back you could do a better job of watching your own."

She plopped down on the bed, wincing when the sudden movement jarred her shoulder. "You've been doing it all along," she muttered, memories washing over her.

 _'All things considered, Samantha, if we have to come back here, it might be a better idea to bring an all male team. No offence.'_

 _'So, can you transport us up?'_ _'I can -- But -- I'm -- not going to.'_ _'What is your reasoning, O'Neill?'_ _'Anybody who comes up -- is NOT getting down.'_

 _'Look, you took a pretty good shot. Why don't you sit this one out?'_ _'No, I'm fine really.'_ _'Teal'c and I can handle it.'_

 _'Okay, one of us stays here and uses the Asgard scanner to direct the others away from any guards or patrols.'_ _'First I must complete my preparations for departure.'_ _'Okay, Carter you stay here, Teal'c and I will go up.'_

 "Years," she muttered. "You've been doing it for years." Keeping her on the back lines, giving her the least dangerous jobs. Treating her like she was someone to take care of, someone to protect.

 _'But you will not. Not now. I have observed. You value the life of one.'_ _'Yes, we do.'_ _'This one is important.'_ _'She is.'_ _'For this reason, this one was chosen. You will not terminate this one in order to destroy me.'_

 Hell, even alien computers could see it.

 _'Sir, there's no time! The C-4's gonna blow, you have to get out of here.'_ _'NO!!'_

 Fear and guilt warring with the awesome knowledge of just how much he cared.

 _'Sir, when you wouldn't leave me, are you sure there wasn't something else that you're not admitting?'_ _'What are you talking about?'_ _'Something neither one of us can admit given our working relationship, our military ranks…'_ _'OH!! ...'Oh, that.'_

 Yeah. THAT. The skeleton in their closet, their Achilles heel. The chink in their armor.

_'But you still could have saved yourself.'_ _'I guess.'_ _'What were you feeling?'_ _'Like ... someone who was about to die.'_ _'Sir ...'_ _'I didn't leave ... because I'd have rather died myself ... than lose Carter.'_ _'Why?'_ _'Because I care about her ... A lot more than I'm supposed to.'_

 He did care about her. She knew that. He'd shown her in a dozen different way. Bringing a sandwich to her lab when he noticed that she missed lunch. Sweet talking the cook into whipping up blue jell-o almost every day. He kept his fridge stocked with Diet Coke and bought feather pillows once he found out that she preferred them.

She knew that he cared. But did he care too much?

 _'Maybe it'll help Carter. Her brains worth a lot more than mine.'_

 She didn't want him to die. Not for her. Never for her.

 _'Teal'c's on Chulak.'_ _'Apparently not.'_

 _'It's a lethal dose, sir."_

 _'Sir, I'm sorry. But the more I go through this, the more I'm becoming concerned that we might not be able to get Teal'c back.'_

 _'Jonas, it's going to kill you. '_ _'You don't know that. We don't even know what it is!' _

 She didn't want them to die either. Not because of her, not for her.

 _The tinny notes of a trumpet echoing off the cement walls of the gate room. Rhythmic footsteps, structured movements. A heavy cotton folded flag, the feel of its smooth ridges under her fingers. The smell of cut carnations and fresh greenery, hovering on the event horizon, suspended for a split second, breaking the laws of both gravity and time._  _Muttered platitudes and nervous glances. People feeling the need to say something but not knowing what to say._

 "We can't keep doing this," she whispered, getting to her feet. Before she could change her mind she left her bedroom and walked down the hall. Jack was still in the living room, his laptop balanced on his knees. "We have to stop," she said.

He looked up, his expression wary. "What are we stopping?"

"This, us." She waved her hands, motioning at each of them. "We can't keep doing this."

Jack sighed and leaned forward, setting his laptop on the coffeetable. "We've been through this before."

"And we're not going to go through it again. It's over."

"Where the hell is this coming from?" he demanded, getting to his feet.

"Jack, we can't keep doing this. It's not fair to Jonas or Teal'c."

"What do they have to do with it?"

"Everything."

Jack paused for a second, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. "Ok," he said, opening his eyes. He reached out and took her arm, guiding her to sit on the sofa. "Spell this out for the dense man sitting across from you. Why do we need to stop being…whatever it is we're being."

"Jack, we can't keep doing this."

"You said that, why."

"Because you care for me more than you're supposed to," she blurted out.

"Ok," he said slowly. "It's been a long time since I've been in a relationship but last I knew, that was a good thing."

"It's not a good thing if it gets someone killed," she said.

"Sam, what's wrong?"

"If you had to choose, me or Teal'c, who would you choose?"

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Kinda depends on what I'm choosing him for."

"Jack, be serious."

"I'm trying to be serious. It's hard to be serious when I'm trying to follow a conversation that reminds me way too much of Daniel after three beers!"

"We can't stay together."

"Sam, what is going on?" he asked, reaching out to touch his hand to her cheek. "What's bothering you?"

"You left me behind because of Jonas' vision. You're always leaving me behind." Jack raised his eyebrows, silently indicating for her to continue. "When we're on a mission, you spend more time worrying about me than you do anyone else."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"Sam, for crying out loud. If I leave you behind on a mission I have a damn good reason for it."

"Psychic visions are a good reason," she countered.

"You were the one trying to convince me that he was seeing the future, remember," he shot back. He cocked his head and his eyes narrowed. "You're afraid we're going to get court-martialed aren't you?" he asked.

"I don't give a damn about being court-martialed. If I cared about that we never would have started this."

"Then WHAT is the issue!" he demanded, his temper wearing thin.

"The issue is that I don't think I can live with it if Jonas or Teal'c get killed because you're protecting me, and I don't think you can live with it either."

"So that's it," he said, getting to his feet. "We just throw away a year because you're afraid of what MIGHT happen. Because you think that, when we're out in the field, that I'm going to sacrifice someone else to save your ass."

Sam didn't say anything. She simply closed her eyes and looked down at her hands folded in her lap. She heard Jack sigh and saw him turn away from her. He picked up his laptop off the coffee table and closed the lid with a snap. "You know Sam, one of these days you're gonna stop thinking and start feeling. I just hope it's not too late when you get around to actually living your life."

He turned on his heel and stalked out of the living room. Sam heard him gathering his coat and then the slam of the door as he hurried out into the snowy night. Ignoring the tears streaming down her cheeks she picked up the throw pillow and hugged it close, refusing to admit that it did nothing to ease the ache she felt inside.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Jack slid his truck to a stop grateful for the low curbs in his neighborhood. He put his truck into park nearly forcing the lever into place. "Damnit!" he cursed, pounding the steering wheel. "Damnit, Damnit, Damnit!"

He should go back over there and make her listen to reason. God, he had NEVER given her preferential treatment. Never! He didn't operate that way. And it wasn't his fault if she was so damned insecure that she thought that he did.

He ran his hands over his hair and leaned back in the seat, his knees bumping on the steering column. He reached for the keys, his hand lingering on them before dropping into his lap. "No." He wasn't going to go back over there. Wasn't going to beg her to listen to him.

She wanted to believe that he was playing favorites, fine, she could believe that. And he'd make sure that she found out just what it felt like to be treated like 'one of the guys'. He yanked the keys from the ignition and opened the door, turning back to gather his stuff. As he picked up his briefcase he caught sight of a small item in the back seat. Jack set down his briefcase and picked it up, turning it over in his hands. He'd forgotten to take it inside with him at Sam's. He'd stopped at a convenience store on the way over, an impulse buy that seemed incredibly prophetic after the whole thing with Jonas.

"So, Magic 8 Ball, is Sam gonna get her head out of her ass any time soon?" he asked, giving the plastic ball a shake before flipping it over. "Maybe? What the hell kind of answer is that?" he muttered as the small box floated up to be visible in the clear plastic window on the bottom of the ball.

Riding a wave of anger Jack spun and cocked his arm. He tossed the toy as far away as he could before gathering his briefcase and locking the truck. He tromped through the snow not caring when it soaked his pants legs.

He entered his house and shut the door behind him, taking refuge from the cold and snow in the solitary warmth of his home.


	7. Disjointed Tolerance

Year Seven - Disjointed Tolerance

 "You found her?" Daniel asked, skidding around the threshold of the locker room door.

"Yeah," Jack said. "She's down in the infirmary right now."

"How is she?" Daniel asked, still breathing hard from the dash from his office where he'd been working when he'd gotten word.

"She's alive," Jack said, barely glancing up.

Daniel rolled his eyes, frustrated with his friend's abrupt demeanor. "Teal'c?"

"Major Carter's injuries are severe, however I do not believe that they are life threatening," he answered.

"How bad?" Daniel asked, hating the fact that he hadn't been able to go with Jack and Teal'c to look for Sam. In many ways, he felt like he was deserting her by coming back to the SGC where he was safe and warm while she was out there struggling to survive. And dealing with the Tok'ra and Jaffa certainly hadn't helped his frustration level any.

"The Alpha Site's toast," Jack said, shrugging off his vest and hanging it into his locker. "Reynolds is going to make one more sweep before we abandon it. We'll send Prometheus back sometime to retrieve the gate."

"That's it?" Daniel asked.

"That's it," Jack said, sitting down to untie his boots. "Anubis knows about it, which means the other goa'uld will too. Planet's not safe." He looked up at Daniel. "How's Jacob?"

"He's ok. On his way to see Sam."

Jack nodded. "Hammond and I need to go over the casualty list before we brief the others. You wanna let Jacob know in case he wants to join us."

"You're not going to come down to the infirmary?" Daniel asked, surprised. Usually when one of them were injured Jack preferred to stay close, most of the time annoying the heck out of Janet until he knew that his friend was going to be ok.

Jack shook his head, kicking off his boots and reaching for his towel and shower kit. "I'll just be in the way."

He walked into the shower room and Daniel stared after him for a few seconds before turning to Teal'c. "What's that all about?"

"O'Neill respects his place in Major Carter's life," Teal'c said.

"Excuse me?" Daniel asked, insanely wondering if he'd descended into some odd alternate universe. Jack always had a soft spot for Sam. Had since, well not quite since their first mission, he thought. If he had to pick a specific time Daniel always thought that those few days the two of them had spent marooned in Antarctica was some sort of turning point. Something happened there, maybe even something that Sam and Jack didn't even realize had happened.

But Daniel had noticed after that mission, their relationship had changed. Both of them had an almost spooky awareness of each other. Something that had only grown after all four of them had been trapped on P3R118. They'd grown so close that, right before he'd Ascended, Daniel remembering him and Teal'c making a bet about whether or not the Jack and Sam would finally make it official.

"Major Carter's preferences are for O'Neill to limit himself to the role of her commanding officer. As such, he has fulfilled his obligations in retrieving her from the Alpha Site," Teal'c said evenly, his words noncommittal but his eyes conveying a hidden meaning.

"I missed something while I was gone, didn't I?" Daniel asked the sense of being the outsider assailing him. Even after months of being back, there were still times when he felt less a part of the group and more a tolerated guest.

"A great deal transpired during your absence, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c confided.

"Yeah," Daniel said. "We really gotta work on catching up on things." He realized that Teal'c was waiting to take a shower. "I'm gonna go check on Sam."

"I shall join you shortly."

Daniel left the locker room and made his way back down the hall, heading towards the infirmary. Thank God she was alive. He'd been so worried ever since word of the attack had come yesterday morning. When he closed his eyes, he could still see the near total devastation that the self-destruct had wrought. For the first time in his life, he knew what 'blown to bits' meant.

Daniel entered the infirmary and was instantly reminded that Sam hadn't been the only casualty. He knew that a lot of the less severely injured had already been treated and released or transferred to the Academy Hospital, but a few of the beds were still occupied with patients.

Sam, he knew, wouldn't be getting transferred, especially if her injuries weren't life threatening, Jolinar's lasting legacy demanded that Sam's medical care always come from those with the appropriate security clearances. And that was easiest to accomplish right here.

"Jacob," he said, catching sight of Sam's dad in one corner of the room. "How is she?" Daniel asked as he got closer. He felt the need to lower his voice in the presence of the other patients. He had no way of knowing how many of them weren't going to be getting good news about their friends. In fact, if the body count was correct, this attack was going to go down as one of the SGC's bloodiest days since its inception.

Jacob shrugged. "Ok, I guess. Doctor Frasier took her to the OR almost as soon as she got here."

The older man looked slightly frazzled and Daniel sighed, realizing just how hard the past twenty-four hours had been on him.

_'I don't even know if she's still alive.'_

"Janet's the best there is," Daniel reassured him. "She'll take good care of her." Jacob nodded, clearly not believing him. "When was the last time you ate?" Daniel asked.

"What?" Jacob looked at him and it was clear that he had barely perceived Daniel's words.

"The lecture I always got was 'you can't heal if you don't eat'," Daniel said. "Let's go grab something." Jacob hesitated. "We'll make sure they know where we are. I doubt Janet will have any news in the next twenty minutes anyway," Daniel said.

Jacob shook his head. "I should stay-" Teal'c walked into the room and Jacob perked up, obviously interested in possibly finding out what the Jaffa knew.

"Teal'c," Daniel said quickly, motioning his friend over. "Jacob and I were going to get something to eat. Would you like to join us? Maybe you can fill Jacob in on what we missed."

"I would be honored," Teal'c said. "The commissary would perhaps be a more appropriate setting for the recounting of the tale than the infirmary." Daniel smiled slightly, grateful that Teal'c's words supported his own. Maybe they weren't quite as disconnected as he thought.

Jacob sighed and shrugged. "I guess I am a little hungry," he said.

Daniel led them out of the infirmary, taking a moment to let the nurse on duty know where they were going. It took them only a few minutes to reach the commissary and get in line. It was the middle of the afternoon, too late for lunch and too early for dinner, so the room was mostly empty.

All three of them simply grabbed a snack, Daniel a couple cookies and a mug of coffee, Jacob a dish of ice cream and Teal'c a thick slice of cake, before they claimed a table in the far corner.

"What happened?" Jacob asked almost as soon as they sat down.

"We tracked Major Carter and the Kull warrior for several miles. At times, it appeared that she escaped its notice as their tracks diverged, however it always reacquired its target," Teal'c said.

Daniel absently picked the cookie apart as he listened to Teal'c speak and noticed that Jacob's ice cream was melting , his hand lingering on the spoon. "The Kull warrior fired upon one of the unmanned aerial surveillance vehicles. O'Neill and I, presuming that if we found the Kull warrior we would either find Major Carter or eliminate the threat to her person, journeyed to the place whence the vehicle had crashed. Once close we heard an explosion."

"Rockets," Daniel interrupted, putting together the few rumors he'd heard.

"Indeed. We did not possess sufficient time to confirm her actions, however O'Neill believes that Major Carter attempted to use the rocket on the UAV as a weapon to disable the Kull warrior."

"It didn't work, did it?" Jacob said.

"It did not. Unfortunately the armor of the Kull warrior is able to withstand a rocket impact. It did, however, serve to lead us to her position. We then engaged the Kull warrior and, using the power supply that Major Carter possessed, eliminated it."

"So, it works?" Daniel asked.

"Indeed. The weapon is most effective when using the new power source," Teal'c confirmed.

"At least something good came out of this," Jacob muttered.

"How was Sam when you found her?" Daniel asked, desperate for some information about his friend.

"Her most severe injury appeared to be to her leg," Teal'c said. "She did not remain conscious long after we found her, however I believe that is due more to exhaustion than a serious medical condition."

Jacob closed his eyes, his face paling a bit. "The self destruct tossed us around like toys," he said. "It's a miracle she wasn't crushed under some tree."

"O'Neill termed it, 'banged up'," Teal'c said. "However I have seen many battle field injuries. I have great faith in Major Carter's ability to recover from this incident."

"Incident," Jacob snorted.

"Jacob-"

"Doctor Jackson?" Sergeant Harriman interrupted.

Daniel looked up. "Yeah?"

"General Hammond has requested your presence in his office, sir," he said.

"Right," Daniel said. He pushed away his crumbled cookies and cold coffee.

"I should get back down there," Jacob said, abandoning the melted mess that was now his ice cream.

"I shall accompany you," Teal'c said, getting to his feet.

Daniel hurried from the commissary wondering what the heck was going on that General Hammond would need to see him about.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 M'Zel and Delek left the briefing room and George watched them go, the enormity of what had just happened sinking in.

"General, there has to be something that we can do," Doctor Jackson said, expressing the frustration that George had to keep hidden.

"We have no means with which to coerce their cooperation, Doctor," he said.

"So, that's it? Five years of an alliance just gone like that?"

"Quite frankly, Doctor Jackson, they need us more than we need them," George said, getting to his feet. "Many of the rebel Jaffa are on tretonin, which they can only get from us."

"So we're going to bribe them into coming back?" he asked.

"We will use their medical need to keep the lines of communication open," George countered. "Doctor Jackson, the events of the past forty-eight hours have been very trying on all involved. It's possible that, once passions cool, they'll reconsider their position."

"And if they don't?"

"We'll deal with that when and if it becomes an issue. Right now, I have another problem for you to deal with." George dug into his pile of messages and pulled out three slips of paper. "The switchboard has received three phone calls for Major Carter from Detective Shanahan. Up to this point, we've returned none of them since we had no news to report. However, now that we do I would imagine that the detective would like to know her condition."

Daniel took the papers, staring at them for a few seconds. "Aah, what do I tell him, sir?"

"Nothing beyond the fact that Major Carter was injured in the line of duty and that once she's released to go home she'll be able to contact him."

Daniel made a face. "He's probably not going to like that," he said.

"I don't care what he likes," George said bluntly. "He's damn lucky he's not in jail for running that background check on Major Carter, not to mention interfering in the stakeout." George sighed. "However, since he is Major Carter's friend, he does deserve to know about her situation."

"I'll, aah, I'll call him," Daniel promised.

"Thank you," George said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to brief my superiors on what just happened." George retreated into his office and shut the door. This phone call was going to be enough of a fiasco; he did not need more witnesses to the carnage.

 XXXXXXXXXX

Jack edged into the infirmary, shoving his hands into his pockets as he caught sight of Jacob sitting beside Sam's bed. Jack had received word as to her condition about an hour ago and knew that she would be ok, with time. But he felt the need to check for himself. And that need overrode his personal sanction.

"How's she doing?" Jack asked keeping his voice low.

"She'll be ok," Jacob said. "Doctor Frasier says it's mostly cuts and bruises, maybe a concussion. No internal injuries, which is good. She just couldn't stitch up the gash in Sam's leg so that'll take a while to heal," he rambled, one hand unconsciously caressing hers, his fingers carefully skirting the edges of the burns.

Jack nodded, the man's words matching the report he'd read. Exhaustion, dehydration, blood loss coupled with the trauma of being way too close to a self-destruct. All which led to a rather banged up woman who was going to need some time and TLC to recover. "You know, she led that thing on a merry chase, all things considered," Jack said.

"That's what Teal'c said," Jacob looked over to him, motioning for Jack to take a seat. "What few details he went into," he fished.

Jack sighed, aware of what the man was wanting and he wrestled with himself. He knew that Jacob was hungry for details, but did a father really need to hear just how close his daughter had come to dying? Yes, he did. "The thing had her in its sights when we got there," Jack said. "I can only guess that she fired the missile at it, missed and didn't realize until it was too late. Teal'c and I got the power source from her, killed the Kull warrior and that was the ball game," he said, minimizing things a bit. Yeah, he needed to know the details, just not ALL the details.

Jacob nodded. He reached for the bedside table and picked up a small item. "You know, I gave this to her for Christmas last year," he said, holding up the slightly battered multi-tool. Jack recognized it as something Sam had been carrying around with her off world. He'd never gotten around to asking her exactly where it'd come from, presuming that she'd just picked it up for herself. "I don't know if it's good or bad that I can shop for my kid in a hardware store."

Jack chuckled. "Well, it does make it a bit easier," he said, refraining from telling the man that sometime Sam wanted nothing more than to be treated like a girl, no matter how much she also liked being treated like one of the guys. She liked getting flowers or chocolates and her favorite thing to do after a long hard mission was to soak in a hot bubble bath for about an hour while reading a cheap dime store romance novel.

Sam stirred slightly and Jack stiffened. He couldn't let her see him sitting here. "Look, I gotta go take care of some stuff," he said, getting to his feet. "Hammond says you can have a VIP room if you want it. Just let Frasier know."

Jacob shook his head. "I'm gonna have to go as soon as she wakes up," he said.

"You and Selmac get tired of living in tunnels, you're welcome to come home," Jack offered. "I even have a spare room," he quipped.

Jacob chuckled, his smile quickly fading. "I need to get back out there," he said, looking up at Jack. "Maybe I can pick up a few of the pieces."

"Yeah," Jack said, acknowledging that Jacob was doing what his duty bid him to. "Iris is always open," he said.

"Thanks, Jack."

Jack turned and left the infirmary making his way down the hall, sighing as the exhaustion finally settled in. It'd been a long day, a long two days to be more accurate. He was beyond grateful that they'd found Sam alive, and more than a little aware that they'd been lucky, so very, very lucky. They lost a lot of good people today. More than they'd ever lost at once, in fact more than the SGC usually lost in a year.

"Jack?" Jack turned around catching sight of Daniel as he jogged to catch up with him. "How's Sam?"

"Jacob's with her. She'll be ok," Jack said. "Why aren't you at home? It's late."

"Late for you too," he countered. "I was on my way there but I have to do something first." Daniel held up some slips of pink paper. "Pete's been calling. General Hammond wants me to call him and let him know about Sam."

"She's still seeing him?" Jack asked coming to a stop in the hall. Daniel kept walking for a couple of feet then stopped too, turning back.

"Apparently. Anyway, I need to figure out what to tell him, that won't get me shot for treason," he finished ironically.

"I'll do it," Jack said, plucking the message slips out of Daniel's hands.

"Jack? You sure?"

He shrugged. "Might as well. You're no good at bullshitting anyway."

"I am too."

"You so are not. You start to ramble." Jack sighed and glanced down at the slips glad to see that Shanahan's number was listed. He really was in no mood to dig into his file for it. "Go home," he said. "I'm gonna do this and I'll go home too," he said quickly.

"Ok, thanks," Daniel said. He turned to leave and turned back. "Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you found her."

"So am I."

Daniel left him alone in the hall and Jack sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face. He still didn't see Sam's fascination with the cop. Sure, on the surface he seemed a nice enough guy and all, and he did make her hum, but if Jack had been told to choose someone to pair Sam up with, it wouldn't have been a cop, and it wouldn't have been someone shorter than she was either.

He snorted, the irony of the situation settling in. Yeah, if he had to choose someone to pair her up with that someone woulda been a lot taller, like 6'2" and sure as hell wouldn't have been a cop.

The problem was, it wasn't his place to choose, it was hers. And she'd made her choice. She made her choice and he'd promised to respect it.

"Respect it," he muttered, resuming his trek down the hall. Yeah, he could respect it. What good was it to have rank if he couldn't do a favor or two for a friend.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Pete flipped through the magazine, his eyes darting from the printed page to the guards at the door and back down. He had to hand it to these guys, they knew their security. Then again, they were the military. Security was kinda their thing.

Sam stirred slightly and he looked up, wondering if she was going to wake up. She'd been asleep since he was escorted down here almost an hour before and he resisted the urge to wake her up.

He wanted to know that she was going to be ok and he needed to hear it from her because, to be honest with himself, she didn't look ok.

There was a large cut running down the left side of her face. She had numerous cuts and bruises on her arms and some odd burns on her hands. He understood from the doctor that there were worse injuries hidden by the blanket and he was driving himself nuts trying to figure out how she'd gotten them.

"Pete?" Sam opened her eyes, staring at him for a second before glancing around the room. "What are you doing here?"

Pete set down the magazine and leaned forward. "Hey, you're awake."

"Yeah. How did you-"

"Colonel O'Neill called me," he said. "And got me a pass, although I don't think it works beyond that door."

Sam glanced at the door and the two guards flanking it. "I can't believe you're here," she muttered, reaching for the plastic cup on the bedside table. Pete picked it up and handed it to her.

"When you missed our date I left a few messages at your house. When you didn't answer those I tried here. Eventually Colonel O'Neill called me and told me what happened and arranged for me to get in."

"He told you what happened?"

"That you got hurt and that you'd be in here a day or two. And that's all I know," he said, remembering the menacing look on the man's face. "And I'm not supposed to ask you about it either. There was some mention about shooting--but I think he was kidding," Pete said, tamping down on the unease he felt. While he hoped the man had been kidding there had been a tone in the colonel's voice that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. A sort of quiet controlled menace that chilled him more than any loud threat.

Sam chuckled. "He was kidding. He hates the paperwork he has to fill out when he shoots people."

"You're joking right? Of course you're joking," Pete said quickly.

"I see someone's finally awake."

Pete looked up and saw a petite woman walking towards them. He remembered her from the last time he'd been here, except his and Sam's roles had been reversed. Well, not totally reversed, Sam didn't have to be escorted by armed guards everywhere she went. She was a part of this place. Welcomed, wanted. While he was regarded with suspicion and distrust. "Doc," he greeted, smiling at her.

"How's your wound, Detective," she asked, setting Sam's chart down on the bed.

"Pretty much healed. You do good work," he complimented.

"That's what they pay me for," she smiled. "Sam, we need to check your bandages. And I would imagine that you're in the mood to have something to eat," she said, her tone changing from welcoming to businesslike.

Pete saw a figure step inside the doorway and looked down at his watch. "Well, my time is up," he said remembering his bargain with Colonel O'Neill. The man had granted him an hour and it wasn't his fault that Sam had slept through most of it. "Why don't I go and let you get to that doctor stuff." Pete got to his feet, remembering the magazine as he stood. He held it out to Sam. "I bought this for you on my way in."

"Thanks. You really have to go?" Sam took the magazine and laid it on the covers.

"Yeah. Hey, any idea when you're getting out of here?"

"I don't-" She looked up at the doctor. "Janet?"

"Two to three days, presuming there's no complications," she assured.

"Great. Tell ya what. I have a butt load of vacation coming. Let me clear it with my boss, but I'm pretty sure I can come down and help out once you're home," he offered.

"Pete, you don't have to do that," Sam protested.

"I know. I want to," he said, taking her hand.

"You won't be very mobile for a while," the doctor said. "I was going to suggest that someone help you out or even that you stay with me for a few days."

"See," Pete said. "It's what boyfriends do," Pete persuaded. "And it's what you did for me when I got shot," he reminded.

Sam sighed. "Just a couple of days," she said, giving in.

Pete smiled. "Great. I'll talk to my boss and make the arrangements." O'Neill motioned with his hand, tapping his watch. "And now I really gotta go." Pete leaned in and kissed Sam on the cheek. "I'll talk to you later."

"Ok, bye."

Pete left the room hearing the doctor pull the privacy curtains closed behind him. He joined Colonel O'Neill in the hall and paused, waiting for his instructions. O'Neill waved the two guards away and motioned for Pete to follow him. "Thank you," he said, settling into step beside the man.

"Sure," O'Neill replied. He summoned the elevator and stood there, deliberately looking anywhere but at Pete.

"So, umm, the doctor said that Sam can come home in a couple of days," Pete said, feeling the need to fill the awkward silence between them.

"Sounds about right." O'Neill said, shoving his hands into his pocket. The elevator arrived and he stepped back, motioning for Pete to precede him. Pete stepped into the car and O'Neill followed him in, punching the button for level eleven.

"You don't like me do you?" Pete asked, voicing the suspicion he'd had since his first meeting with the man. Initially, Pete ascribed it to him messing up their stake out. That would make anyone mad. But that was a couple of months ago, O'Neill should have forgiven him by now.

"Doesn't matter if I like you or not," O'Neill said.

"But you don't," Pete pushed.

O'Neill sighed and pushed a button, stopping the elevator. "Look, if it was up to me, you'd be behind bars for the crap you pulled on our stakeout. Not to mention the fact that you ran a background check on Carter, which does not exactly engender trust in my book."

Pete's stomach lurched. "You know about that?"

"What do you think happens when you run background checks on personnel who are involved in top secret projects? Little alarm bells go off." O'Neill gestured with his hands. "Hammond got a report within the hour. So did a couple of dozen folks at the Pentagon. The President might even have got one."

Pete looked down, cursing the flush he felt creep up his face. "I shouldn't have done that," he said. "Sam kept putting me off with classified and wouldn't tell me anything. I thought she was joking and I was mad and…"

"Curious?"

"Curious," Pete confirmed. "I mean, what could she be doing that's so secret inside a mountain in Colorado?"

"You do remember what curiosity did to the cat," O'Neill reminded.

"So, if you dislike me so much, what am I doing here?" Pete asked, steering the conversation back to the topic at hand.

"Carter likes you," O'Neill said, as if those three words explained everything. He pushed the button to release the elevator.

"Oh," Pete said, realizing just how tenuous his situation was. The car arrived at level eleven and they got out, quickly switching to the other elevator. Pete was content to ride in silence, preferring to say nothing than to further exacerbate the situation. They arrived at the surface and O'Neill stood by his side as Pete signed the forms to get his sidearm back and handed in his visitor's pass.

"Car's right over there," O'Neill said. "If you're gonna come back, call the switchboard. I'll let them know that you have access to the infirmary."

"I will, thanks. Colonel," he said as the man turned to go back down. "I am sorry about what I did before and…I really like Sam. I didn't mean to hurt her or get her in trouble."

O'Neill nodded skeptically. "What you do reflects on her. If you can't be trusted, she can't be trusted. Don't screw up her career because you can't keep your curiosity in check," he warned before turning on his heel and retreating into the elevator.

Pete stared after him for a second then became aware of the guard staring at him pointedly. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and got into his car more than a little relieved when he cleared the last checkpoint without incident.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Jack flipped through his reports, signing where he needed to sign and sorting the papers into three different piles. One to be passed onto someone else, one to be filed and one to be shredded. He sighed and looked at his watch, dismayed to notice that it was only 1335 hours. He still had half the damn day left.

Maybe he needed to talk to the general, see if he could tag along on a mission somewhere. There was nothing like a little off-world jaunt to fill up the day. He could even ask Teal'c, see if the Jaffa was as stircrazy as he was. The phone rang and Jack jumped, rolling his eyes as he answered it. "O'Neill."

"Colonel, this is Hammond."

"Yes, sir. What do you need?"

"I just received the logs from the surface checkpoint. I see that Detective Shanahan was here this morning."

"Yes, sir. He visited Major Carter for an hour," Jack said, frowning as he set down his pen. "Is something wrong?"

"Why wasn't I informed about this?" Hammond asked.

Jack paused, the man's tone striking him as a bit off. "I didn't think you needed to be, sir. He's already aware of the project. He was taken to and from the infirmary only. I escorted him myself."

"Son, I appreciate that you want to aid in Major Carter's recovery, but regardless of the fact that Detective Shanahan knows about the SGC, I do not want him in my facility. In my opinion, his lack of control makes him a walking security risk. I have no choice but to trust the major's judgment in her personal life, but I will do what I need to to secure this command," Hammond declared.

"I'm sorry, sir," Jack said. "I'll tell him that he can't come back."

"You do that."

"General, can he call?" Jack asked, knowing that Shanahan was going to ask for some sort of compromise.

Hammond sighed. "Might as well. The cat's already out of the bag on that." Hammond hung up the phone and Jack listened to the silence for a second before returning the receiver to is cradle.

"That's what you get for trying to do something nice," Jack muttered, leafing through the papers for Shanahan's number.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Sam limped down the hall, using the wall to carry the weight that her leg wouldn't. She gritted her teeth, trying to ignore the pain that accompanied each step. Was it comfortable? No. But it was bearable. And considering that the pain meds Janet had sent home with her tended to put her to sleep, she could deal. She was tired of sleeping. She also knew from experience that a speedy recovery was achieving that delicate balance between pushing too hard and making the injury worse and not pushing enough.

"Sam, you should have said something," Pete said, hurrying down the hall towards her, a dishtowel in his hand. "I could have helped you."

He made a move to pull her arm over his shoulder but she stopped him. "It's twenty feet down the hall to the bathroom," she said. "Not the New York Marathon."

"Still, you shouldn't be pushing yourself like that. You could hurt something."

"I know my limits," she said, making her way into the living room and onto her 'nest' as Pete called it.

After finding out that Pete's visitor's pass had been revoked, Sam had been surprised to come home a couple of days ago to find him waiting for her and still wanting to play nurse.

Since that time, he'd been absolutely wonderful. Her sofa now resembled a day bed complete with extra pillows and a down throw that worked wonders against the winter's drafts. He'd bought a tray table that slid under the edge of the sofa allowing her to eat and work with ease and had even stocked up on groceries. Pete was actually a good nurse, seeming to have this sixth sense for when she needed something.

"Well, yeah, I'm sure you do but-" Pete's cell phone rang and he reached for it, checking the caller ID. "I gotta take this," he said, flipping it open as he walked toward the kitchen. With the TV off and the house quiet, Sam couldn't help but over hear Pete's half of the conversation. "Look, JT, I already told you. It just won't work out this year. Yes, I'm still down in the Springs. I can't bring her, she's not up to it right now. Yeah, yeah, it was a car wreck. She's not up to company. Next year, definitely. Right, have a good time."

He came back into the living room, sliding his phone back onto his belt as he walked. "What was that all about?" Sam asked.

Pete shook his head. "Nothing."

"Didn't sound like nothing," Sam challenged. "What's going on?"

"Every year the guys at my precinct throw a Christmas Party."

"And it's tonight," Sam intuited.

"Yeah. I was gonna tell you about it on our date, but since that didn't happen." He shrugged. "There's always next year."

"You should go," Sam said.

"Sam, I can't."

"Yes, you can. I'm fine and I don't need a babysitter all the time. And help is just a phone call away."

"Yeah, but-"

"Pete, it's been almost a week. You can go check your mail and water your plants and I'll be fine here." The more Sam talked about him leaving, the more the idea appealed. She loved that he'd taken time off of his job for her, but she also knew that he needed to take care of his own life as well.

"You're sure?"

"I'm positive. I'm perfectly fine here on my own."

"But what if you take that pill that knocks you out?"

"I won't take it. I wasn't going to anyway." She knew that her prescription bothered him. He knew enough about drugs to recognize a heavy-duty narcotic when he saw it, and assumed that she took such strong medication because she was in so much pain. What he didn't and couldn't know, was that she didn't take the strong drugs because the pain was so much but because, thanks to Jolinar, nothing weaker worked for her. Over the counter pain meds had about the same effect as a tic-tac. "Go, have fun," she urged. "I insist."

"Ok," he agreed. "Umm, it usually runs pretty late. You ok until morning?"

"I'm fine," Sam said. "Take your time."

Pete smiled and gave her a kiss. "It makes it easy for me to grab your Christmas present anyway. How about I bring brunch by tomorrow?" he suggested. "Then we can make plans for the holidays."

"Right." Sam pasted a smile on her face, belated remembering that Christmas was next week. She wondered if she'd be able to talk her way onto the base and find something to do.

Fifteen minutes later Pete was pulling away from the curb and Sam leaned back on the sofa, realizing that this was the first time in a week that she'd been totally alone. It felt good, and about as comforting as when Pete had been here, waiting on her hand and foot. A grin crept across her face. She could actually get some work done without dealing with Pete worrying about her overworking. She pushed herself up from the sofa and lurched down the hall, making her way to her den.

She turned on her computer and, while it booted up, moved around to make herself comfortable, tipping the empty trash can over to turn it into footrest for her leg. Within minutes she was logging into her SGC account, happily wading through her e-mails and other reports that were waiting for her. This was so much better than vegging on the couch watching crappy TV.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Pete got onto the highway and set the cruise control on his car, settling back for the short drive to Denver. He felt guilty at leaving Sam. It just didn't seem right for him to head off to a party while she was stuck at home by herself. He did want to go to the party. They always had a great time. And he'd hoped to bring Sam with him this year. Finally let some of the guys at work get to meet her and, well, prove to some of them that she was real.

He wasn't nervous about her meeting them, in fact he knew that Sam could clean the floor with them. But he was a little nervous that she might find his friends a little weird. Cops were a different breed than Sam was used to. Cocky and irreverent and more than a little gruff. It was something his wife had never gotten used to, the unique sense of humor among his friends.

It really sucked that Sam was going to miss all the holiday fun. Christmas was Pete's favorite time of the year. He loved the lights and decorations and the whole atmosphere, and it was something he enjoyed even more in Colorado where white Christmases were much more the norm than back in California.

A thought occurred to him and Pete smiled, finally thinking of something he could do to help Sam recover beyond doing the dishes and cooking dinner. He reached for his cell phone and flipped through the address book, eager to set his plans into motion. "Hi," he said as soon as it was answered. "My name is Pete Shanahan, I'd like to leave a message for Colonel Jack O'Neill please. Yeah, I'll hold."

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Jack sorted through his e-mail inbox, muttering under his breath as he deleted the usual quota of spam before settling down to the mail that he had to read. He rolled his eyes when he caught sight of Sam's name on one of the e-mails. "What took you so long?" he muttered, opening and scanning the mail. He knew that she was at home and wouldn't be back on even light duty for a few weeks, but he was a bit surprised that it'd taken her three days to get to her computer.

He should really stop by and check on her, make sure she was doing ok. And, any other time, he would have done that already. In fact, any other time, he, Daniel and Teal'c would probably be taking turns hanging at her house. But that was then and this was now. And now, Sam had someone else to fill that role.

He should feel happy for her. Glad that she had someone. She deserved it. Deserved a chance to be happy and to have a life. Hell, he'd taken her to task more than once about that very same thing.

It wasn't her fault that her preferences didn't match his.

His phone rang and Jack reached for it, closing out Sam's e-mail. He needed to have another cup of coffee before he decided to try and decipher it anyway. "O'Neill. Yeah, put him through," Jack said, wondering why Shanahan was calling him. He looked at the date stamp on the message. Sam had sent it less than half an hour ago. Something couldn't have happened that fast, could have it? "This is O'Neill," Jack said as soon as the connection clicked.

"This is Pete Shanahan."

"Yeah, they told me. What do you need, Detective? Is Carter ok?"

"What? Oh yeah, she's fine. Fine. Look, Colonel, I had an idea and I wanted to call you about it."

"What is it?" Jack asked, humoring the man. It sounded like he was on a cell phone, which probably accounted for Sam playing on the computer.

"Christmas is next week and Sam won't be up to doing anything this year. I was thinking maybe we could have a little get together at her place. Nothing big, nothing fancy, just…well just something to cheer her up," Pete enthused.

Jack paused for a second, not quite sure what to say. "Umm, Shanahan, Carter doesn't do Christmas."

"Everybody does Christmas."

"Not her," Jack said, not willing to violate Sam's trust in telling Pete precisely why she didn't practice the holidays. The story of Sam's mother's death was hers to tell, not his.

"I'm not talking about a big deal, just having some friends over, mainly you guys, something to eat, nothing fancy or extravagant. Hell, we can just order some pizzas and watch a movie."

"Have you talked to Carter about this?"

"Of course," Shanahan said. "She's looking forward to it."

"She is?" Jack asked, not believing that she'd agreed to this thing.

"Yeah, she can't wait. How about six tomorrow night? You, Doctor Jackson and Teal'c. I'll take care of everything."

"Sure," Jack agreed, putting aside his misgivings. Maybe she really was loosening up on her whole no Christmas thing. If she wanted them to come over, they'd come over.

"Great!" Shanahan said. "I'll see you guys tomorrow night. Oh and Colonel, thanks."

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Sam got out of the shower, balancing carefully on one leg while she dried herself off. She carefully slid on her underwear and t-shirt before perching on the edge of the toilet so that she could redress her leg. She could have called Pete in to help, but she didn't want to. She was enjoying doing things for herself.

She heard Pete milling around in the living room and she sighed, his presence part of her dilemma. She appreciated that he'd put his life on hold to come and take care of her. It was so sweet of him to do that. And it was certainly more than she'd done when he'd been shot. She'd visited him a couple of times and brought him dinner but really hadn't had time for anything else. Of course, she'd also been in the middle of trying to get the power supply to work for the weapon. And just hadn't been able to tell the colonel 'yes, sir I know this is important to the fate of the universe and all but my boyfriend has an owie'.

On the other hand, she was used to being on her own. Used to taking care of herself. She could feel her frustration growing every time he did the dishes or vacuumed the floor and she hated herself for bring so damned selfish.

He had to go back to work eventually. Surely she could find a way to hint at him that it was time for him to go. Anyway, if she needed something Janet and Daniel, heck even Teal'c or Jack could take care of it. Well, maybe not Jack. Jack didn't seem to want to have much to do with her lately. And Sam couldn't blame him. She'd put him in an awkward position to say the least.

There were times when she regretted her decision. Regretted pushing him away. Things had been different between them since then, cooler, tenser. Nothing that couldn't be dealt with, and, Sam didn't think, nothing that anyone but maybe Teal'c had noticed. In many ways, Daniel returning had been a blessing. Getting him settled in and back up to speed had distracted Jack from their situation.

It felt horrible to admit it, but she'd been surprised in one way that he and Teal'c had come after her. Not that they'd been searching. She'd expect no less. Even knowing that the SGC took care of its own, the power supply she'd been carrying was valuable enough to try and recover.

She'd been surprised and rather humbled to hear that coming after her had never been in question. That Jack was going to come and get her no matter what. She'd been so glad to see them.

Sam snorted. Hell, glad was an understatement. They'd saved her life, literally. Ten more seconds and she'd have been noting more than a corpse with a huge smoking hole in her chest.

They came after her. In spite of everything, they'd still come for her. Just like she'd known they would. That little fact is what had kept her running, even when she wanted to do nothing more than to simply curl up and go to sleep.

Through the bathroom door Sam heard the doorbell ding. "Sam! Dinner!" Pete called.

"Coming!" she yelled. She set the tape aside and reached for her pajama bottoms, struggling a bit to slid them up over the bandages. She rubbed the towel over her hair and finger combed out the worst of the tangles. Knowing that Pete had definitely seen her looking worse, Sam simply snagged her robe off the hook on the back of the door and left the bathroom.

She made her way into the living room, stopping short at the sight of five large pizza boxes sitting on her coffee table. "What the hell are you doing, feeding the army?" she asked Pete as he came from the kitchen, a stack of plates in his hands.

"No, just a chunk of the Air Force," he said, grinning as the door bell rang again. Sam stood there while he set down the plates and answered the door. It took her only a few seconds to recognize the voices.

Sam watched as Jack, Daniel and Teal'c filed into the room, all in their heavy coats and with packages in their hands. "Hey, Sam," Daniel greeted, leaning in to peck her on the cheek.

"Daniel, Teal'c, Colonel. What are you guys doing here?"

"It's a party," Jack said, looking her in the eyes. "Pete said that you knew all about it."

"I'm sorry, hon," Pete said. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

"I'm surprised," Sam said slowly. She could see the tension building amongst her friends. Daniel's eyes were darting back and forth between her and Pete while Jack sighed. Teal'c, as always, looked impassive, however Sam noticed his eyes narrowing slightly.

"Sam, if you'd rather we go-"

"Daniel, no," Sam interrupted. "You guys are here, the pizza's here, let's have a party," she said, smiling. She made her way towards the couch and sat down, her awkward movements making the guys shift out of her way. "For crying out loud, take your coats off and get comfortable," she urged. "We've got enough pizza here to feed ten people."

"I doubt that," Daniel said, shrugging off his coat and tossing it on the back of the sofa. "Have you seen how much Teal'c eats?"

"What can I get you guys to drink?" Pete offered.

"Got a beer?" Jack asked, also taking off his coat and tossing it on top of Daniel's.

"Bottom shelf," Sam said. "Teal'c'll take water."

Pete took the rest of the orders and retreated into the kitchen. "Carter?" Jack said softly. "We can go," he offered sincerely.

"Yeah, Sam. Jack thought that this was your idea."

"Indeed, Major Carter. We meant no insult."

"I'm glad you guys are here," Sam reassured. "I've been going a little stir crazy," she confessed, touched by their offer. She knew why they were here, and it wasn't for pizza. They were here for her, because of her. And it was a gesture that touched her to the core.

"Your absence has been noted at the SGC, Major Carter," Teal'c said, accepting a plate of pizza from Daniel.

"Yeah, Siler's heartbroken," Daniel said. "And I think Graham Simmons is in mourning."

"Stop," Sam laughed.

"How ya doing?" Jack asked, taking a moment to meet her eyes.

"I'm ok," she said. "Little sore but, it's getting better."

"Here we go, three beers, a water and a diet coke," Pete said, juggling the bottles as he came back into the room.

He stood there for a second and Sam realized that the four of them had arranged themselves as they usually did, Teal'c and Daniel in her two arm chairs and Jack beside her on the sofa. "Here," Jack said, getting to his feet. "Grab some pizza before Teal'c eats it all."

"No, Colonel, I-"

"Sit," Jack ordered. He stepped into the den and returned with a chair that Sam kept there. He positioned it across from her and sat down, picking up his plate of pizza. "So, Shanahan, don't suppose you're a sports fan?"

 XXXXXXXXXX

Jack unlocked his front door and walked inside, automatically reaching for the lamp he'd forgotten to turn on before he'd left earlier that evening. He tossed his keys on the table and put his coat in the closet.

He walked into his kitchen and grabbed a bottle of beer out of the fridge, taking it out into his living room where he plopped down in his armchair. As evenings went, this one hadn't been the most uncomfortable he'd ever experienced, although it did rank up there. He should have known that Shanahan was full of it when he'd said that Sam wanted the party. Little shit. Any other day he'd kick his ass for lying like that.

Jack sighed, taking a gulp of the beer. He couldn't kick his ass because, even as two faced as the invitation was, the man did have Sam's best interests in mind. He had to give him that much. He might be as graceful as a bull in a china shop, but his heart was in the right place. And Jack really did think that it had cheered Sam up a bit to have them there.

She hadn't been able to say too much with Shanahan in the room, but Jack suspected that she was having some issues with what had happened. Probably a few nightmares, which was to be expected.

The doorbell rang and Jack got to his feet, setting the bottle of beer on a table. He made his way to the front door and opened it to find no one there. A man in a brown uniform was jogging back to his truck and Jack looked down, realizing that the man had just dropped off a package.

Jack bent down and picked it up, turning it carefully over in his hands. He hadn't ordered anything. In fact, he didn't care to mail order stuff. He preferred to touch and feel and actually see what he was spending his money on.

Jack shut the door and took the package back inside, shaking it gently. It wasn't too heavy, just a couple of pounds. "What the hell?" he muttered, reaching into his pocket for his knife. He unfolded it and slit the tape on the box, opening it up.

He pulled out a block of Styrofoam and separated it, revealing a small statue of a horse. Frowning, Jack held it up, studying it closely. It was a white stallion standing on a stand of grass. The figure had two hooves off the ground and his mane and tail flowed back, making it look as though he was captured mid gallop. He almost looked alive, as alive as a twelve inch tall china statue could look anyway.

Jack set the horse down and explored the packaging, searching for some clue as to its origin. A note card was slipped into the box and he folded it open, reading the typed words.

 _Every hero needs his white horse. _

 Jack caressed the horse's back one more time before he picked it up, setting it on the place of honor on his mantle. He tucked the note card away into a drawer and kicked the box aside to be dealt with later.

Suddenly tired, he turned locked the doors and turned off the light, his singular goal to get himself a good night's sleep.


	8. Christmas in July

Year Eight - Christmas in July

Sam slipped into her lab and shut the door, desperately hoping that no one had detected her presence on the base. She wasn't supposed to be here. Technically, she still had a week's worth of bereavement leave to use up, with an open invitation from the general to 'take as long as she needed'.

The problem was, what she needed wasn't time off. She needed to be busy, to be occupied, to have something to take her mind off the complete and total clusterfuck her life was. She needed to get out of the house and get away from the sympathy cards and well-meaning phone calls.

Her dad was dead. Which, as horrible as it was, wasn't nearly as upsetting as it could have been. At least she'd had a few more years with him than fate had originally decreed. And she'd even been able to bond with him, the few times they'd participated in missions together giving them some equal ground and time to get to know each other that she never would have had.

She was oddly at peace with his death and felt more resignation than real grief. Other parts of her life weren't quite so easily dealt with.

_'I hope you get what you want.'_

"Hell, Pete, I don't know what I want," Sam muttered, flopping down in her chair. She'd thought she'd wanted him and the promise of a life that came with him. She'd thought she'd wanted the white picket fence, car pool, 2.5 kids and yes, even the dog.

But when she'd had that whole fantasy laid out before her, all she felt was panic. When Mark had first tried to set her up with Pete a year ago, Sam's first inclination had been to refuse. Mark was always trying to set her up, convinced that since he'd found his happiness in marriage, that she too needed that experience to make her life complete. And she'd always said no. Until Pete.

To this day, she still wasn't totally sure why she'd said yes. She wasn't sure why she'd suddenly developed a fascination with creating for herself a 'real life'. In one way, it had been fun. She'd enjoyed going out on dates and having something to look forward to on the weekend other than a solitary bike ride or a matinee movie with Cassie.

But, in another, it complicated her life almost beyond recognition. Pete was so different from Jack, and those differences took a while to get used to. Pete was open where Jack was closed off and taciturn. Pete teased and played while Jack tended to stand back and watch. Pete had a speedy and earthy wit, while Jack's humor was more quiet.

Of course, she and Jack could sit and talk about the day or about their missions and it was nice to have that bit of sharing that she and Pete would never have. Pete would talk for hours about his cases or things he was working on while she couldn't. She missed that, having the freedom to talk without having to remember what she was and wasn't allowed to say. Sometimes, she felt that she had to always be on guard around Pete, always had to be careful not to say too much or the wrong thing.

She missed Jack too. It wasn't that she didn't get to physically see him; she usually had a briefing with him almost every day. But their encounters were now a lot more…tense. He rarely came to their team gatherings anymore, usually claiming too much paperwork when Sam knew that, quite often that was nothing more than an excuse.

_'Jack didn't want anyone at the SGC to know about us.'_

Well, now she knew what he was making up excuses for. He wasn't overworked or stressed out. He was not spending time with them so that he could bang the spook. "God, you're being a bitch," Sam told herself, reaching down to turn on her computer. So he and Kerry had a thing going. "What the hell did you expect? Him to pine his life away."

In a way, she was glad. Glad that he found someone, that he had someone to care for. He was good at that. And, even if he didn't like to admit it to himself, he needed that. Jack had a lot of love and caring to give and he deserved to have someone in his life to share it with. She couldn't begrudge him that. He deserved better. So did Pete.

_'Can't get much better than you.'_

"You are so wrong," Sam said, automatically signing onto her computer. She wasn't better. She was a callous bitch who totally screwed up things with one man in her life and broke the heart of another one. Maybe she deserved to be alone. Things would be better that way. She couldn't hurt people if she wasn't around them.

Her mailbox popped up and Sam sighed as mail after mail scrolled into view. Damn and most of them weren't even spam. She clicked her way through message after message, only answering the ones that simply couldn't wait. If she answered too many, then folks might figure out that she was on base and she wasn't in the mood for that.

She opened up a mail from Dr. Larry Murphy at Area 51 and gladly read through his progress reports on the various projects he and his team were working on. The two of them had talked a lot in the past few years, especially about the X-302, 303 and other projects and she'd gotten to know him quite well.

He was a good man who had a bit of a creative streak in him tempered with good old-fashioned practicality. Two traits that made him especially well suited to work with the alien tech recovered by the SGC.

Sam happily lost herself in his report for several minutes, glad to see that they were finally making some advancements. Things were looking very hopeful for a new medical device based on the goa'uld healing device. No one on Earth would ever be able to use the original device without having naqahdah in their systems, but they were working on adapting it, not to heal, but to diagnose. And to remove its dependence on naqahdah to make it available to all.

On the less altruistic front, there was also hope of adapting a goa'uld stun grenade to, well be just that, a far more accurate and effective stunning tool than current flash bangs and, hopefully, something that could be used for a potential hostage situation. Dr. Murphy ended his report with his normal note, something that had become a joke between the two of them.

_'I'll have you know that we still have need of someone to head up the R&D here. Someone who's actually seen this stuff in action…is that too much of a hint? Oh well, and I've been authorized to tell you that I can now offer you a freshly painted office complete with new furniture. You gotta try this chair. And hey, if we cut back on the coffee allowance, I can get you one of those massaging mats to sit on.'_

Sam smiled, shaking her head at Dr. Murphy's latest bribe. While the first offer to transfer to Area 51 had shown up almost seven years ago, she knew that his offers were quite legitimate, unlike those of Colonels Kennedy and Maybourne, both of whom had only wanted her there so that they could explore the changes Jolinar had made in her body. Dr. Murphy honestly wanted her there and craved her input on the toys the SG teams recovered.

She hadn't had much time for that this year what with leading SG-1 and all. She did have a new found respect for Jack and all he'd had to do. Daniel and Teal'c generated a hell of a lot of paperwork, and Sam had the idea that she produced a lot more than they did. It was a miracle that he'd had found any free time while he'd led the team, even more so when she considered that he did it all without spending time in his office.

She missed tinkering with the tech. Missed losing herself in solving the puzzle, missed the thrill of making it work. That was probably her one regret about leading the team.

She printed Dr. Murphy's report and saved it to a folder set aside for just that purpose. Twenty minutes later, with her inbox empty, Sam stretched and leaned back in her chair.  She looked across her workbench, wondering which of her projects she needed to be working on. Leaning forward, she picked up a small round thing SG-21 had brought back a couple of weeks ago. They thought it was some version of the goa'uld communication device, but Sam didn't think so. The color was wrong. This could be something for her to fiddle with today. It shouldn't take her more than a couple of hours to determine what it was made of.

But first, coffee. She got to her feet, setting the ball down and stretched. Sleep had eluded her the past several nights and she could feel her eyes burning slightly. She definitely needed some coffee to clear her head before she started working on anything intricate. Grabbing her favorite mug, Sam opened the door and walked down the hallway, checking her watch as she did. Maybe she'd grab something to eat too, boost her blood sugar with a donut or muffin.

Since the commissary was only a couple of levels up, she bypassed the elevator and made her way to the stairs, easily opening the heavy fire door. As in any building, the stairs were rarely used and Sam's footsteps echoed eerily in the barren shaft. Above her she heard another door open and two voices making their way down the stairs.

"Betty, I don't know. I'm not much into betting pools," one of them said.

"Look, it's a dollar, not exactly your life savings. And think of it this way, if you hit it right, you can take home easily a hundred times that," the second one said, persuading the first.

"That many?"

"Yep. I swear the whole base is in on it."

"It just seems rather…nosy."

"It's not like we're sticking a camera in the men's room to settle a boxers or briefs question. In fact, it's no different than a baby pool."

Sam grinned, shaking her head at the conception of yet another SGC betting pool. These people literally had nothing better to do with their time.

"Fine, fine. It is only a dollar. What do I need to put down?" the second one relented.

"Date and time when General O'Neill pops the question. For another dollar you can put down when the wedding will be."

Sam stopped climbing the steps, the woman's words striking her to the core. Married? Jack was going to marry Kerry? She hadn't thought of that. Sleep with her, sure. But marriage?

_'This is awkward.'_

Yeah. Awkward. Great. Not only was Jack moving on but boy was he moving on. Panic started to rise in Sam's chest as she heard the footsteps growing closer. Suddenly, she couldn't stand the thought of anyone knowing that she knew. She dashed down to the closest door and exited the stairwell, hurrying down the hall to be out of sight in case the two women also got off on this floor.

Her appetite gone, Sam returned to her lab and again took refuge behind the closed door. She closed her eyes, nightmarish images assaulting her brain. Jack and Kerry together, eating dinner, going out. Her visiting him in his office, hanging out in the control room. Getting invited to the wedding. The knowing looks and barely muffled whispers. She couldn't do this. She couldn't stay here. She couldn't…Her eyes settled on Dr. Murphy's report, the last paragraph seeming to leap out at her.

_'I'll have you know that we still have need of someone to head up the R&D here.'_

Groom Lake. Hundreds of miles away. Nobody really knew her there. She was a stranger. Just another officer. She wasn't the stupid old maid who pined after her CO and was the butt of every joke.

Giving into her impulse, and ignoring the voice in her head that told her to wait, Sam picked up the phone, quickly dialing Dr. Murphy's number. She cursed when she got his voice mail, then shook hear head when she realized that it wasn't even 0800 there. "Dr. Murphy, this is Sam Carter. Look, umm, you know, I think that massaging mat just might have done the trick," she said quickly, interjecting enthusiasm into her voice. "Why don't you give me a call when you get in. I think we have something to talk about."

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Jack took a sip of his iced tea and flipped through another batch of reports, taking a few moments to scrawl his recommendations on the bottom of each. In the past few months he and Walter had come up with a system. Jack had three filing boxes, 'yes', 'no', 'deal with it later'. And for the 'deal with it later' Jack would write his outline of what he'd like to say and Walter translated those couple of sentences into something acceptable for the eyes of others.

Jack saw a familiar name and devoted more of his attention to the transfer request in front of him. "Larry, Larry, Larry, I thought you'd finally gotten the message," he muttered, scanning the request from Larry Murphy for Carter to transfer to Area 51.

Jack was no stranger to these requests, this was the second one he'd set eyes on and he knew that Hammond had refused a dozen more over the years. Murphy had tried hard enough that, after the first few, Hammond didn't even bother checking with Carter anymore, he simply refused them out of habit with the understanding that, if she ever wanted to transfer, all she needed to do was ask.

Jack scrawled 'no' in the corner and tossed it into his box, shaking his head slightly. He paused for a moment and thought about Sam. He hadn't seen her since Jacob's funeral a couple of days ago and he wondered if she was doing all right. She seemed to be handling his death ok, but Jack also knew that Sam wasn't a person to wear her emotions on her sleeves. She tended to prefer to grieve quietly and privately. And since he was no longer privy to her private thoughts…Jack sighed and leaned back in his chair.

He missed her. Missed the moments they used to have together.

_'Is the Air Force the only thing keeping you two apart? Rules and regulations? Cause if it is, you're making a big mistake.'_

Jack snorted. "Screw the regs, it's a short little cop with a gun," he muttered. At least he'd been there during the funeral, that was a good thing. She'd needed someone, even if she hadn't want to admit it.

He heard a light knock on the door and closed his eyes. "Walter, given the reams of paper the Pentagon gets on a daily basis, you can't tell me that they really need this crap now," he groused.

"There's no such thing as too many reports at the Pentagon. How else can the paper pushers fill their day?"

Jack opened his eyes and leaned forward. "Carter. Aren't you still on leave?"

She grinned ruefully and walked into his office. "I can only clean the bathroom so many times."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, well, you guys are still out of the rotation for a while so don't go asking for a mission," he said, catching sight of the piece of paper in her hands. He didn't care how bored she was he was not sending her out there, not until she had some time to deal with Jacob's death. Puttering in her lab was one thing, off world was another.

"No, sir, I aah, I needed to talk to you about something else." The tone of her voice set him on edge. She sounded hesitant and unsure.

"Ok," he said carefully. He motioned for her to take a seat. "What's on your mind?" She chewed on her lip and a horrible suspicion clawed at Jack's gut. She was pregnant. It had to be. That damn midget cop had went and got her knocked up and-

"I was talking to Dr. Murphy yesterday-"

Jack let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Ok, so not pregnant. This was good. For him anyway. Although it was none of his business who she got pregnant with, as long as it wasn't an alien. He'd have to worry if it was some alien and-"I'm sorry, Carter, what did you say?" Jack asked, realizing that she'd stopped talking and was looking at him expectantly.

"I'd like to accept his offer," she said, handing Jack the slip of paper.

Jack took it and stared, the words 'Transfer Request' leaping off the page. "You want to transfer to Never Never Land?" he asked, his eyebrows creeping up his forehead. She nodded. "Carter, you hate sandy planets."

"This is Nevada."

"The same as." Jack tossed the paper down on his desk. "It's just as sandy there as it is on P3X whatever."

She took a breath. "General, I know that I've always turned down Dr. Murphy's requests in the past but, I think it's time for a change."

Jack read the paper closer. "Head of R&D?" he asked, noting the position description. It would be a hell of a step up for her. Not combat command but still command points.

"Yes, sir."

"You know, we could do this here," he offered. "Set you up your own space, keep more of the toys in house."

She shook her head. "Sir, the reason for exploring the stuff at Groom Lake is to separate our assets. It wouldn't make any sense to compromise things by keeping it here. Besides, Dr. Murphy has been looking for more ways to integrate alien technology into the Daedalus. My knowledge of alien tech would be invaluable to him."

"And is just as invaluable here," Jack countered. Groom Lake, that was hours away. He didn't want her hours away. He wanted her here. He knew that she wasn't 'his' anymore. But he could still keep an eye on her, couldn't he? Make sure things were going ok.

"General, sir, I need to do this," she said softly.

"Need to?" Jack pressed.

"It's a fresh start and…I need a fresh start."

Jack propped his elbow on his desk and balanced his head on his palm. "What about Daniel and Teal'c?" he asked, ignoring the other man in her life. He didn't want to ask about Pete, largely because he didn't want to hear about Pete.

At least the guy had been behaving the past few months. There'd been no more calls to the FBI, no more curiosity fueled intrusions into Sam's working life. And hell, he'd even helped them out when Teal'c had gotten in trouble.

"Teal'c has been spending more and more time with the Jaffa. Now that the goa'uld are gone, they're finally free and needing leadership. Daniel has been jonesing to get to Atlantis for the better part of a year. The only thing holding both of them back is…well me." Jack raised his eyebrows. "And SG-1," she clarified. "Sir, our mission was to defeat the goa'uld, and we've done that."

"They're not all gone," Jack said.

"They're as good as." She leaned forward. "Sir, please, I want to go." She stared at him and Jack sighed, acknowledging when he was beaten.

"Ok," he said. "I'll sign off on it. With the stipulation that, if we need you here for the gate, you come back." She gave him a look. "Hey, I don't care what you think you've taught Siler, he don't know crap when the, well crap hits the fan."

"I can probably manage that, sir. Thank you."

She got to her feet. "How long?" Jack asked.

"Couple weeks?" She shrugged. "We didn't really talk out the details," she said.

Jack nodded. "Ok. It'll probably take a bit for the paperwork to go through anyway. Start working on handing off your stuff and briefing Dr. Lee on what's going on," he instructed.

"I will, sir. Thank you." She turned to leave the room.

"Hey?" She turned back. "You guys catch them taping an episode of that TV show, see if you can snag an autograph. Walter's got the hots for that red head, Catherine whoever."

"No problem," she said slowly, a frown creasing her forehead.

She left the room and Jack's forced smile faded. With a tired sigh he pulled Murphy's request out of the box and crossed out his own words, his pen suddenly feeling like it weighed a ton. He didn't want to do this. Didn't want to approve it. Didn't want her to go. He wanted her here where, even if he wasn't allowed to touch, he could still look.

_'I need a fresh start.'_

"You're not the only one," he whispered, scribbling a 'yes' on the bottom of the form. "I hope you find what you want, Sam," he said, hesitating for a second before sliding the transfer request into the 'yes' box.

 XXXXXXXXXX

Daniel pulled his car to the curb and turned off the ignition, taking a moment to admire the sight of his friend in shorts and a tank top manhandling the lawnmower around her yard. It was too damn bad that she was his friend because he would have loved to have her be something more.

Then again, she was one of the best friends he ever had. Which made what Walter had told him all the more disturbing.

He got out of his car not bothering to lock it. First of all, it was in front of Sam's house not someplace downtown; second of all, it was just too hot to roll up the windows. He made his way into her front yard just as she cut the mower. "Hey!" he called out, waving a greeting.

"Daniel, hi." She pulled her sunglasses off her face and wiped the sweat off her forehead. "What's going on?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just in the neighborhood." Daniel propped his sunglasses on his forehead, settling for things to be a bit blurry rather than changing his glasses.

"At three in the afternoon?" she asked.

Daniel shrugged. "Flex time," he excused.

"Right," she drawled skeptically, putting her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, well, it was worth a try. You got a minute?"

"I need to take a break anyway," she said. She motioned for him to follow her and she stepped into the house. She reached into the fridge and pulled out a couple bottles of water, offering him one before leading him back outside.

Daniel sat on her stoop, twisting the cap off the water as she sat beside him. "So?" she asked, taping a sip.

"So." She raised her eyebrows. "I'm not psychic."

"I heard this rumor today," he said.

"Gotta love the grapevine."

"Yeah." He sighed, his frustration growing as he realized that she wasn't going to make things easy for him. "Area 51," he said, looking at her.

Sam colored and looked down, her attention riveted upon the bottle in her hands. "Yeah," she confirmed.

"So it's true?"

"It's true."

"Why?"

She looked at him. "Why what?"

"Why transfer? I thought you loved it at the SGC."

"I do."

"Then why run off to Nevada?"

"I'm not running off," she insisted.

"Looks like it to me."

"Daniel." She sighed loudly. "Look, it's time."

"Time?"

"Time for me to move on."

"Nevada is moving on?"

"It's a fantastic opportunity, Daniel. I'll be the head of research and development with a staff of a half dozen under me. I'll have my own budget, call my own shots-"

"Which you're already doing at the SGC," he said. "You can't tell me that Jack won't do that for you here."

"That's not the point."

"Then what is the point?"

"The point is, it's time for me to go," she said, getting to her feet. "I should have done this years ago but…" She turned to face him. "It's time and I'm not going to change my mind."

Daniel looked at her, sighing when he saw the resolution in her eyes. Her lips were pursed and her jaw was set. He recognized that look and knew that it was hopeless to argue. All arguing did was make her even more determined. "When do you leave?" he asked, knowing that he'd said the right then when she relaxed.

"It won't be official for a few weeks. I may go out there in a few days and get the lay of the land." She returned back to the stoop and sat beside him. "Daniel, I'm only a couple of hours away. You can come see me whenever you want. And it's not like I'm totally leaving the fold. I'll still be consulting with the SGC and working with the stuff that you guys bring back. I'll probably even need a translation or ten," she said, smiling. "This is presuming, of course, that you're not off in the Pegasus Galaxy."

Daniel felt his cheeks flush. "You heard about that, huh?"

"I think the whole SGC knows about it. Daniel, I think it's great. I almost wish I was going with you."

"You could, you know."

She shook her head. "It wouldn't work."

Daniel sighed. "Pete." She probably didn't want to keep exploring. That didn't fit in with her life now. She wasn't in the exploring phase; she was in the settling down phase. And going to another galaxy certainly wasn't settling down.

Sam started, an odd look passing across her face. "It's not that. Pete's out of the equation."

Daniel raised his eyebrows, Sam's words setting him thinking. "Sam?" He reached out and touched her arm.

"I broke it off," she said. She smiled sadly at him. "The day after the funeral. It's for the best really. It probably wouldn't have worked out," she rambled.

"I'm sorry," Daniel said sincerely.

She took a deep breath. "Yeah. Anyway, it's a done deal. I know that I should have told you abut the transfer first but…I was waiting for it to be official."

"I understand." Daniel sighed. He slapped his hands on his knees and got to his feet. "I should get out of your way. You probably have a ton of things to do."

He felt the need to get away, to get some distance before he said, or did, something that he couldn't take back. She was living her life, needed to live her life. And if her life took her away from here, then he had to let her go. "Daniel?"

"Hey," he said, pasting a wide grin on his face. "You're probably working up an appetite. In the mood for dinner?"

"Depends," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "What's for dinner?"

"Your choice," he said magnimously. He looked at his watch. "Six o'clock work?"

"Yeah, that'll work," she agreed.

"Cool, I'll aah, I'll see you then."

 XXXXXXXXXX

 "Colonel, do you have a moment?"

Sam looked up, surprised to see Kerry Johnson standing in her doorway.

"Aah, yeah, sure," Sam replied, setting aside the files she had been sorting through. "Come on in."

The other woman walked into the room. "I've been trying to catch up with you for a couple of weeks," she said, holding up a file folder in her hands.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. Things have been a bit crazy with the transfer and all," Sam said, hoping that the woman would accept the excuse. It was true in a way, but it was also true that Sam had absolutely no desire to speak to the woman. In fact, she would consider it a blessing if she could complete her move to Nevada without setting eyes on her again. Kerry Johnson was a part of Jack's life, evidentially a very important part, but she wasn't part of Sam's. And Sam preferred to keep it that way.

"I know what you mean," Kerry continued, oblivious to Sam's thoughts. "I still have boxes from two moves ago that I haven't unpacked. I know you're busy but I needed your help with something." She opened the folder and pulled out an 8x10 picture. "Does this man look familiar to you?"

Sam took it and studied the picture. It was a blow up of a snapshot, clearly taken without the man's consent. Something triggered in Sam's brain and she cocked her head, closing her eyes as memories washed over her.

 _Strong calloused hands dragging her from the hotel room._

_The cold press of a metal floor against her cheek._

_The rough rasp of ropes binding her wrists to the chair._

_Fear, helplessness._

_Sharp pain and a feeling of invasion and violation as the goa'uld bore its way into her body._

_Terror when it subverted her, pushing her consciousness deeper and deeper away._

_Desperation as she waited and hoped, prayed that her guess had been right._

 Sam opened her eyes, shaking her head to clear the unpleasant memories.

"Colonel? Are you all right?"

"He was one of the goa'uld we found in Steveston," Sam answered, ignoring Kerry's question. "He was kind of the ring leader. He'd work to recruit others." She couldn't help the bitterness that crept into her voice. Recruit. Bullshit it was recruiting. It was more like kidnapping.

"That's what I thought," Kerry said.

"What's going on with him?" Sam asked, working to keep the alarm out of her voice. Technically the man shouldn't be able to track her down, but you could never be too careful, Conrad had taught her that.

"Nothing for you to worry about," Kerry reassured her. "I think some of his memories are returning so we'll need to monitor him, maybe come up with a better cover story."

Sam nodded, her skepticism still very much alive. Here was another good reason to move. Doctor Murphy had arranged for her to stay in base housing at Nellis until she could find an apartment, maybe she'd stay there a bit longer and take advantage of the 'free' security.

"Colonel, he's shown absolutely no interest in you or the other members of your team," Kerry said. "We've got him and the others in town under surveillance. They can't go very far without us knowing about it."

"That's good to know," Sam said.

Kerry stood there for a couple of minutes and an awkward silence settled over the room. "Well, I should get out of your hair. I'm sure you have a lot of stuff to do." She turned to leave, turning back when Sam said her name.

Sam slid off her stool and walked over to Kerry, getting close enough that she could talk without raising her voice. "General O'Neill is…he's a good man. I'm glad he found someone," she said sincerely feeling the need to settle things between them.

Kerry frowned at her. "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"I'm glad that you two are together," Sam clarified.

Kerry shook her head. "We're not."

"I know, not officially but-"

"Not unofficially either," Kerry said. "We broke up a couple of weeks ago."

"What?"

"Or I guess I should say that I broke it off."

Sam shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I thought-"

"Things change," Kerry interrupted. She narrowed her eyes, staring at Sam. "And sometimes they don't."

"I don't understand."

"Jack talks in his sleep, which can be kinda cute. Until he starts naming names and…" Kerry studied her appraisingly. "A habit of his that I'll bet you know something about."

Despite herself, Sam could feel her cheeks flush. Yes, Jack did have a habit of talking in his sleep, usually when he was dreaming. Of course, it was usually only during a certain kind of dream. One which, usually, led to both of them waking up and enjoying the physical manifestations of his dreams. "Miss Johnson-" Sam started, her initial instinct to deny the notion.

"Right, deny everything," Kerry interrupted, rolling her eyes. She sighed. "Carpe diem," she said. "Regrets do absolutely nothing to keep you warm at night. You want him, you better go and get him. Because I think this is the only second chance you're ever gonna get." She turned on her heel and stalked from the room, leaving Sam alone.

 _Never waste a second chance; they're rarer than you think._

_You know, Sam. One of these days you're gonna stop thinking and start feeling. I just hope it's not too late when you get around to actually living your life._

 Listening to her intuition, Sam turned on her heel and shut down her computer. In less than ten minutes she was at the surface and hurrying through the checkpoints. For better or worse, this was going to end now.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Jack slid the ice chest onto the bed of his truck, grunting with the effort. "That's what you get for hitting the grocery," he muttered, arching his back. Normally, when he decided to spend time at the cabin, he planned ahead, cutting back or eating most of the perishables before he hit the road. But this trip was a spur of the moment thing, so he had a refrigerator full of items that would be spoiled by the time he got back. Hence his reason for packing them up and taking them with him.

He'd still need to hit a store when he got up to Minnesota but this stuff wouldn't go to waste in the mean time.

As he headed back towards the house, he heard a car approaching and looked at his watch. "You're early boys," he said, making his way into the kitchen to retrieve one of the boxes of non-perishable food. Daniel and Teal'c were going to join him on this little vacation and were planning to meet up here, transfer their gear into his truck and they would all drive up together. It'd be a nice team outing, or as much of one that was possible anymore.

The 'team' was gone. Over. Kaput. Relic of the past.

If he wanted to be honest with himself, Jack knew that the team died a year ago, the second he let the brass pin those damned stars on his shoulders. But he hadn't wanted to accept reality, even going as far as not assigning SG-1 a fourth to take his place.

As long as there was an opening he could keep kidding himself that things hadn't changed at all and that he could go back anytime.

But he'd been fooling himself, clinging to the past when he should have been acknowledging the present.

SG-1 was gone. Daniel was itching to head off to Atlantis and Teal'c had already spoken to him about going back to the Jaffa. Now that their freedom from the goa'uld was a reality, the Jaffa needed leadership like never before and Jack could think of no one better to do that than Teal'c.

As to Carter? Well Sam was running off to Vegas with her fiancée. "Make yourself useful," he said, hearing the front door open. "Grab the other box."

"Going somewhere?" Jack looked up, Sam's voice catching him off guard. She had obviously just come from the SGC and was still dressed in her BDU's.

"Yeah. We're going up to the cabin for a while," he answered, the shock of seeing her here leaving him at a loss for words.

"We?"

"Teal'c, Daniel and I. What's going on?" he asked, trying to read her expression. She wasn't supposed to be here. She never came here anymore. He could see nervousness in her eyes, but also something else, something he couldn't quite identify.

"Umm, nothing, I just-"

"The guys will be here soon," Jack interrupted, eager to send her on her way. He was in no mood to deal with her right now. She was actually most of the reason he was taking a vacation.

"Right, I talked to Kerry today," she blurted.

"Ok."

"You broke up?"

Jack sighed and pushed past her, taking the box out to his truck. Sam trailed him and he tried to ignore her, setting the box of food in the truck bed. "Why are you here?" he demanded, turning to face her.

"I screwed up."

"It happens. Fill out a report and move on."

"NO, I mean, Jack I screwed up so bad. I never should have accused you of giving me preferential treatment. It was unfair and-"

"Water under the bridge," he interrupted.

"Jack--

"Sam, if you're here to soothe your guilty conscience, consider it soothed. I gotta pack," Jack said tersely, in no mood to mess with this again. She'd made her position incredibly clear years ago and, while he was no genius, he could take a hint, especially when it whacked him upside the head.

She didn't want him. She'd made her choice and moved on. So had he. And if she was suffering from cold feet it wasn't his job to warm them up. She had her short little cop for that. "And you should get back to Pete," he said pointedly.

"We broke up," she said. "I gave him the ring back and he withdrew his down payment on the house. He's going back to Denver," she rambled.

"He is?"

"Yeah."

"I'm aah--

"It's for the best," she said quickly. "He's a great guy and I love him." Her words punched Jack in the gut. "But I'm not in love with him," she said. "I never was."

"Then why did you say yes?"

"Because I was in love with the idea of being in love," she replied simply.

"So what are your plans now?" he asked, studying her closely. He didn't dare get his hopes up, and should simply set her packing, but he couldn't. He had to know. It was a compulsion, something that he just had to do. He was eighteen shades of fool for allowing himself to hope. Fate taught him a long time ago that hope was a waste of time. Hope was for dreamers, and Jack gave up dreaming several Presidents ago.

"It kinda depends," she said slowly, stepping towards him. "You see, there's this guy I know. He's really great. More than great really and…I've been so mean to him and I don't even know if he wants anything to do with me but-"

"Does this guy have a name?" Jack asked, his eyes drinking in the look on her face.

She nodded. "A very nice Irish…Jack, I've been absolutely horrible in the past and I know that I'm a mess with it comes to relationship stuff and-"

"C'mere," he interrupted, pulling her into his arms. She leaned against him, her arms sliding around his waist as she buried her face into his neck. "It's a good thing for you that I happen to have a soft spot for cute blonds," he said. He should be mad at her, should feel angry. But he just couldn't summon the energy. It didn't matter. To hell with the past.

She laughed against his chest and lifted her head, looking him in the eyes. "I love you," she said, kissing him soundly on the lips. Jack returned the kiss, his arms tightening around her.

This was definitely a good day.

 XXXXXXXXXX

 "This is interesting," Daniel Jackson said as he parked his vehicle behind O'Neill's truck.

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed, taking in the sight of the two people intertwined in an enthusiastic kiss.

"I have the funniest feeling that our vacation is off," Daniel Jackson said. Perhaps hearing the noise of the engine, O'Neill and Colonel Carter broke their kiss, the two of them turning to look at them. "We should go," Daniel said, preparing to turn the vehicle back into the driving lane.

"That will not be necessary," Teal'c said as O'Neill and Colonel Carter motioned for he and Daniel Jackson to join them.

Daniel Jackson followed their direction, turning off the ignition.

"Hi guys," Colonel Carter greeted, walking towards the car.

"Sam, Jack." Daniel Jackson opened the door and got out of his vehicle while Teal'c did the same. "We're interrupting, aren't we?"

"No."

"Yes."

Colonel Carter glared at O'Neill. "I'm glad you're here," she said sincerely.

"Is Colonel Carter going to join us?" Teal'c asked.

"Oh, well…"

"Yeah, Sam, you should join us," Daniel Jackson invited. "Jack was going to ask you in the first place but figured that you and Pete would be doing something and then… well I never got a chance to tell him about you and Pete and…" He turned to Teal'c. "They broke up," he explained, realizing that Teal'c was probably the only person who didn't know.

"That is indeed fortuitous, since O'Neill and Kerry Johnson have also…broken up,"  Teal'c said, working to hide his amusement at his friends. For all their accomplishments in technology and battle, the Tau'ri were no different than any other race, especially when it came to their interpersonal relationships. Much to his amusement, both O'Neill and Colonel Carter shifted uncomfortably.

"T," O'Neill warned.

"Is there room at your cabin for a fourth person?" Colonel Carter asked.

"I think we can squeeze you in," O'Neill said, taking her hand.

"If I can get the time off," she said. "My boss can be a real hard ass when it comes to that." O'Neill glowered at her and she smiled, nonplused by his threat. "Are you sure you guys don't mind?" she asked.

"Mind? Hell, it'll be just like the old days," Daniel Jackson said. "Just with more comfortable beds and better food."

"That depends, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said. "On whether or not O'Neill prepares the meals."

 XXXXXXXXXX

 Sam slipped out onto the dock, her bare feet making no sounds on the bare wooden planks. It was dawn at the lake and a thin ethereal mist floated above the still water. The lake was silent, the only sounds Sam could hear was the gentle lap of the water against the pilings and a far off call of a loon.

She made her way to the end of the dock and sat down, her feet dangling in the water. It was cool against her feet, almost too cool she thought, a shiver coursing down her spine. The guys were still asleep in the cabin and she relished the privacy, closing her eyes as she breathed deep of the pine-scented air. A sense of peace fell over her, as comforting as the water caressing her feet. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this good.

The long drive to Minnesota had been uneventful even if it was a bit boring. Deciding not to stop along the way, they'd all taken turns driving, arriving at Jack's cabin late yesterday afternoon.

After a fast food dinner at a nearby town, they'd settled in for the night, Daniel and Teal'c laying claim to the guest bedroom while Sam made herself at home with Jack. They'd made love quietly, enjoying each other's company while being mindful of the two other people just a few yards away. "You're up early," Jack said, his voice gravely with sleep. He slid behind her, his legs straddling her and his arms wrapping around her waist.

She leaned back, laying her head against his chest. "That's what I get for napping on the way up," she said, rubbing her hand over his arm.

He nuzzled her neck and Sam sighed, regretting for a moment that they weren't alone. She was happy to be spending time with her friends, but also wished that she and Jack were alone. Their relationship was still so new, so fragile that she wanted time to build it, to shore it up before they again faced the world. Somehow she knew that this was their last chance. That if anything happened, there'd be no do-overs, no retakes, no second chances.

"What are we going to do?" she asked softly.

"I'm in the mood for breakfast personally," Jack said. "Seeing as how I can't roll you over and screw you silly out here on the dock."

Sam chuckled, his lustful tone sending her senses humming. "I mean about us," she said, craning her neck to glance at him. "I don't want to hide anymore."

"I've been thinking about that," Jack said, his tone serious. "I think we let your transfer go through."

"What?" Sam asked, alarmed. She'd presumed that her transfer would be cancelled and that she'd remain at the SGC, even though that option flew in the face of the frat regs.

"Hear me out," Jack said. "You go to Nevada for a few months. This puts you out of my chain of command. And I'll take a little trip to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and call in a few favors."

"And if that doesn't work?" she asked, not having his faith in President Hayes giving them permission to be together.

"I retire," he said, tightening his arms around her to still her protests. "Sam, the only reason I didn't retire last year was because I…I didn't quite trust the JCS to pick someone good to run the SGC. Even if Hayes won't give us his blessing - which I think he will - I know he'll let me name my successor. Once the SGC is in good hands, we can finally take care of ourselves."

"I like the sound of that," she said, relaxing against him again. She pushed down the temptation to plot and plan and analyze. She couldn't control the future, so she wasn't going to waste time worrying about it.

The present was all that mattered, and she was going to enjoy every moment of it.


	9. The Greatest Gift of All

Year Nine - The Greatest Gift of All

"Here is fine," Jack said, instructing his driver where to pull over and let him out.

"Yes, sir," the young sergeant dutifully replied, carefully steering the vehicle to the curb. The kid was young, he looked like he was barely old enough to drive. He was definitely new. Jack availed himself of the drivers at Peterson often enough to be familiar with the young men and women charged with motor pool duties and he didn't recognize this one.

The ability to catch a hop and get a ride to and from the base was definitely one of the more useful perks of his new job, and one that Jack took advantage of at every opportunity. In fact, it was one of his requirements for taking his new position.

The President wanted him to run Homeworld Security, fine. But he had to accept that Jack's private life was going to take precedence. Sam, and his life with her, was his priority and the day old Hank couldn't accept that was the day Jack handed in his resignation.

Hence the fact that Jack had an office at Peterson, and an office at the Pentagon. His Colorado office could have been at the SGC but Jack shot that idea down. It wouldn't have been fair to Landry. Jack knew that if he was there and accessible people would come to him about things instead of following the appropriate chain of command which would severely undermine Landry's authority. The SGC was now Landry's baby and he deserved the chance to run it without interference.

"As you were," Jack said, seeing the sergeant reach for his seat belt.

"Yes, sir." He twisted in his seat. "Do you need a ride back, sir?"

"I'll call," Jack said. He had a week's leave for the holidays and honestly had no idea when he was going back to work. If things were quiet in DC, he might just work at his Peterson office and if he did that, he'd drive himself.

"Yes, sir. I'll tell Captain Gunderson."

Jack gathered his bag and briefcase and opened the car door, unable to suppress a shiver as the frigid air poured in. He got out of the car, slipping his cover on before he kicked the car door shut.

The staff car pulled away and Jack trudged up the short walk. This house bore little resemblance to the one he'd sold last year. It was nestled into the foothills of the mountains and stood in the middle of 46 acres of grass and forest, much of which was brown now, winter having bled the color from the landscape. The house was an older, blocky two story dwelling complete with wrap around porch and a couple of out buildings.

It was the kind of home he'd never imagined owning, but somehow it just seemed right. There were a few neighbors around, namely the Barkers a mile down the road, but none of them were too close, granting Jack a fantastic level of privacy.

Climbing the flight of stairs onto the porch, Jack dug in his pocket and pulled out his keys. He unlocked the door and walked inside, sniffing appreciatively at the spicy aroma of homemade chili. He quickly shucked his coat, setting it and his briefcase into the hall closet. He picked up his small bag and made his way into the living room, frowning at the sight of a large Christmas tree perched in the corner. A few ornaments hung from its branches as did several strands of tinsel.

"Sam?" Jack called out, setting his bag down.

"You're home early," she said, walking out from the kitchen. She made her way to his side and gave him a quick kiss.

"The advantage of being the boss, I can give myself time off." He frowned as she walked past him, a box of ornaments in her hand. Jack recognized them as some of his, things from his house that he'd moved to his and Sam's home. And things that he'd kept more out of habit than the idea that they'd be used.

"So," he asked, keeping his voice casual. "Whatcha doing?"

"Decorating the Christmas tree," she said, smiling at him as she hung some of the glass balls on the branches. She was dressed casually, in jeans and a long fleece pullover with fluffy slippers on her feet.

"Yeah, figured that out," he said, moving over to join her. "Dare I ask why?"

"You can ask," she said, smiling cheekily at him. "But I'm not in the mood to tell."

Jack shrugged. "Ok." In the year that he and Sam had been married Jack had gotten used to her odd moods and unique quirks. He'd learned never to question her when she got up at 0300 to work on some theory and that it was definitely best not to mention the absurdity of chasing an ice cream sundae with a diet soda.

Of course, she turned a blind eye to the cancelled dinners and over long phone calls and tolerantly dressed up to attend one of the many functions his job now required. Not to mention dealing with him working hundreds of miles away for days at a time.

Whomever had said that marriage was compromise certainly knew their stuff. Jack found that he enjoyed the compromise. He liked the give and take and hell, even took pleasure in the fights. Or, to be more accurate the making up that followed their fights.

They still had their moments, such as six months ago when a malfunctioning gate had kept Sam stranded off world for the better part of a month. And there was the time when Jack missed their anniversary, a security lock down keeping him trapped in his office.

"Need some help?" he offered, reaching out to take the box of ornaments from her.

"That'd be good," she said, handing them over. "If you want to finish this, I'm going to go put the last touches on dinner."

"You know, I have about six more boxes of ornaments downstairs," he said, looking closely at the tree. The branches certainly weren't bare, but they also weren't what he'd consider fully decorated either.

"I think that's enough," she said. "Besides it'll be pretty when we plug the lights in." She retreated into the kitchen and Jack shrugged, giving into her logic. Hell, he was incredibly surprised to have a tree in the house and wasn't going to quibble over whether or not it had enough decorations on it.

As he stepped around the tree, searching for just the right place to put each glass ball he found that there were a few rather special ornaments already hanging from the branches. He saw a small white angel hanging a precise forty-five degrees from the cookie monster ornament he'd given Sam years ago.

He grinned, remembering the day she and Teal'c had baked cookies, taking it upon themselves to open up his office for a holiday open house. He could still taste those chocolate chip cookies. Maybe if he sweet talked her Sam could make some this weekend.

"I'm guessing you want a beer," Sam said, rejoining him.

"Sounds good," Jack said, quickly hanging the last two ornaments. So they weren't perfectly balanced on the tree. It kinda looked better that way anyway.

"I'll be right back."

She set his beer down on the table along with a glass of what he guessed to be diet Coke and returned to the kitchen. Jack followed, almost running into her when she appeared with a plate in each hand. "I got it," he said, taking the plate from her. A bowl was balanced on each plate, along with a handful of saltine crackers and a spoon. Sam's chili was topped with a large mound of grated cheese, a taste sensation he just couldn't get into so his was plain.

"Thanks." She smiled, following him back into the living room. They each took a seat, balancing the plates on their laps. Their house had a lovely dining room but they didn't use it very often, both preferring the casualness of eating in the living room.

They chatted while they ate, confirming their plans for the upcoming holiday. Daniel and Teal'c were due to come over for dinner tomorrow night and Jack warned Sam that  George was also returning to the Springs for the holiday. The retired general's plans were to spend much of the time with his grandchildren but Jack had convinced the man that he needed to come visit is second family.

"So," Jack said, scooping up the last of his chili. "I'm kinda curious."

"Oh, gee, that never happens," she quipped, setting her spoon down on her plate.

"Sam, seriously. Why the tree?" he asked.

She pushed herself up off the sofa, carefully balancing her plate. "Cause I felt like it," she said, reaching out to take his plate from him.

Jack tightened his grip on the plate. "You felt like it?" he asked, puzzled by her answer and her attitude.

"I felt like it," she insisted, giving the plate a tug. Jack let go and Sam retreated to the kitchen amid a clatter of spoons and bowls. He followed behind her and watched as she rinsed the plates before putting them in the dishwasher.

"Are you sure you're feeling ok?" he asked, reaching out to take her hand. He propped his butt against the counter and pulled her close so that she was standing between his spread legs. Her arms drifted up around his neck while his settled around her waist.

"I am perfectly healthy," she said, giving him a kiss. "Even the doctor says so."

"Doctor?" Jack asked, concerned.

"Just my yearly physical," she reassured.

"Ok," he said, not feeling as reassured as he thought he should be feeling. There was something off in her behavior, something he just couldn't quite put his fingers on.

"Oh. I got you something today," she said, pulling back.

"Been hitting the mall again have we?" he asked. "I don't suppose Vicky's Secrets was on your shopping list."

"You wish," she said, batting at him playfully. "Dirty old man," she chided, extricating herself from his arms.

"Everybody's gotta have a hobby," he called after her, following her out into the livingroom. She reached up on the mantle and pulled down a small red box that she'd hidden behind the picture from their wedding. That 8x10 picture of the whole wedding party, him and Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, Jonas, George, Cassie and Sam's family stood beside the small horse statue she'd given him a few years before.

"Here you go," she said, handing the box to him. It was made of shiny cardboard and was a little larger than his hand, probably large enough to hold a half dozen decks of cards.

Jack shook it, grinning at the exasperated look on her face. "You can never be too careful," he quipped. She rolled her eyes and Jack grinned, contemplating dragging things out a bit further. Then again, he was spending the next week with her and if he wanted to have sex anytime soon, it was best never to tick her off too much.

He opened the box and frowned, wondering what kind of joke she was playing. "Gee, thanks hon but…something new you're working on?" he asked, pulling out a pair of miniature boots. "A way to avoid schlepping those heavy packs over rough terrain?"

"I'm not going to be doing any schlepping for a while," she said, moving close to him.

Jack looked down at the tiny boots in his hand, another meaning occurring to him. They weren't just a miniature version of combat boots, they were…"Sam?"

"That's why I figure I better get into Christmas. We're gonna have a lot of them to come and our kids aren't gonna be the only ones on the block that don't believe in Santa Claus," she said, smiling broadly.

"You're-"

She nodded. "I think you better tell the President that you're taking June off, July too, maybe Aug… oof."

Her words cut off at he pulled her into his arms, crushing her against him. "We're pregnant, we're pregnant," he exclaimed, lifting her off her feet and swinging her around, the baby boots and box falling to the floor.

"You're gonna be cleaning up chili off the carpet if you don't put me down," she laughed.

Jack set her down and held her at arms' length. "Oh, god, I'm sorry," he apologized.

"You're fine, I'm fine, we're fine." She held her hand over her abdomen and Jack stared, still not quite able to wrap his mind around the fact that he was going to be a father again.

"We," he said, discovering again just how much he loved that word.

Sam nodded and Jack laid his hand over hers, doing what he could to cradle the precious gift that she cradled inside her. "You're ok with this?" she asked, unease and uncertainly creeping into her voice.

"I'm more than ok," he said. "This…YOU are perfect. Absolutely perfect and you've just made me the happiest man on the face of the earth."

She fell into his arms and Jack closed his eyes, savoring the sensations of her, of them in his grasp. "I love you," he said, unashamed of the tears that clogged his throat.

He had no idea precisely what the future would hold, but knew that as long as he had her, had them, there wouldn't be anything they couldn't handle.

Fin

That's it. The End. Finito. Finished. Over. Done. Complete. Put to bed. Laid to rest.

My sincere thanks to everyone who's sent me feedback for this series. It was a blast to write and I'm very glad that it found a broad appeal.


End file.
